to use your black wall analogy, what you need to do is to turn the light on.

once the light is on, you will see that it is a white canvas. next to it, there is an assortment of brushes, paints, a stack of how-to books, and several professional painters ready to answer your questions.

this is the reality of where we are at any given point in our lives. we can reimagine our dreams and goals by getting tons of input. there are libraries and a wealth of information on the internet. our job is to flood our brains with ideas. eventually, we will start to get an idea of what direction would be good to go in and how to go about doing it.

life is a masterpiece. we live in the most exciting and free time in all of human history - by a wide margin.

you simply cannot imagine right now how beautiful your life can be if you would take that first step: turn the light on. :)

My future and dreams were over when I said " Ido "

Never let your memories be greater than your dreams. Doug Ivester

maybe it's the fertile void

when you're all emptied out

and nothing new is there yet

can't go back, but can't go forward yet either

just be patient

something will germinate there soon enough :)

I know the feeling......we do sooooo much together....I have practically locked myself in the house in fear of facing the world....that I have failed.......I dread the holidays coming up.......The only happy thing that i can imagine is the birth of my grandson coming November 21st....but, wanted that to be for both of us.........

You won't be able to see a future for yourself without having some kind of vision where you would like to go. It's like saying you want to take a trip and standing at the door, but can't take a single step because you don't know the destination.

What was your vision of your future before your split? You can still have that. If it included your spouse, no one says that you can't still have that future with a spouse. You're just not going to have it with your STBX.

What were your plans for 2, years, 5 years, etc? Start with that, adapt it to where you are now. If it involved a trip, go on a trip except have it be with some fun friends instead. If it involved buying a retirement home, start saving and aim for a place that you love. You don't have to give up your dreams and plans just because your marriage is breaking up.

I think it is a normal part of the transition. I felt like that for quite awhile as well. All my dreams had been ''us'' then there was no more ''us'' As I healed, my ability to develop dreams and take control of my own self and future evolved.

Just be patient and keep going through the process of healing.

yep

patience is one of the loving things I learned for myself in this experience

i am sorry for the pain you are going through. it takes time to adjust and sometimes (for me anyway) it helps to take things a day at a time instead of looking so far ahead. there will come a time when your mind settles and adjusts and you will be able to see a tiny bit further ahead - see how you want to rebuild and redesign your life with your new goals in mind.

sending some peace your way. you arent alone in this. xoxo

Thanks my DS friends!!! - it helps to know that I'm not crazy, that at some point in your recovery you guys also felt as lost as I feel and made it.
@ faith - love the turn the light on analogy - love it love it!!!