There are so many of us going through the same thing. None of us understand why or how this happens. My husband left after almost 26 years of marriage because he had been having an affair and the girl had become pregnant. He is now living with her and their new baby. He literally packed some things and moved in with another family. I am left here in our house with our 17 year old twins (we also have a 22 year old who is already living on his own). I was completely shocked as we had a great relationship and I had no idea about any of this. I am almost two months in and the only thing I can tell you is that time does help. Everyday it gets a little better and I move on a little more from the relationship I thought I would be in for the rest of my life. I totally understand the not sleeping not eating phase. You can do this....take one day at a time. Focus on your kids and your future. There are a lot of great people here who can offer great advice.

I'm sorry to read your story. A midlife crisis is never a reason for up and leaving a family, but cheating is, and I think you've figured that out. To try to understand why is futile as it doesn't change anything. Attempting to understand something that doesn't make sense doesn't produce anything sensible, and leads to confusion. You did nothing wrong to warrant this. Nothing you did or didn't do, caused him to do this. He did it all on his own. It's cowardly and irresponsible, and that may ring a bell or two, when you think about his character.

You are the most important person here, and taking care of yourself is what matters most. You need to heal from this, and it will take quite a while, so it's important to get started as soon as possible. You may benefit from speaking to a therapist, or a friend who's a good listener. Spending time talking about it will help you realize that you did nothing wrong and that it's all on him.

Not eating or sleeping will weaken you, and can lead to manic thoughts. It's for this reason that it's important to eat what you can, and drink as much water as you can. If possible, go out daily for a walk in nature, be kind to yourself, do small things to make you feel better. You need to be your own best friend right now, and doubting yourself or why he left is something a friend wouldn't do.

Instead of trying to figure out the why's and whether or not he's coming back, start figuring out your life without him going forward. Don't hold back information from your teenagers. They're growing adults and will appreciate that you respect them by telling them exactly what happened. Holding back information can backfire and make them think you had something to do with it, so be real with them, and lean on them for support if you feel the need to.

I would also see a lawyer to find out what your rights are, and some here will also tell you to go to your doctor and get tested for STD's if you've been having unprotected sex with him in the last number of years.

You may feel depressed and alone, and this is perfectly normal. You may also be in disbelief and shock over what has happened to you. You may want to reach out to him and beg him to return, or ask why he did it, etc. But chances are he won't tell you the truth, and his allegiance is now to his affair partner. Ask questions here, there are many betrayed spouses who will offer you sound advice on how to maneuver your way through the wreckage that's been left behind.

Wishing you well.