I wish I had the ability to turn off the movie for you. Keep strong, as you advise most of us daily.

That sounds very difficult. I have a similar problem but in reverse. I replay all the drunken fights the blackouts she had and the terrible things said. Especially the last argument where for two hours she lashed out at me and tore me down. I couldn't walk away, I wanted her to get it all out and I stayed and took it. It was so much anger and venom. I didn't realize that over a year later it would be playing through my mind. I remember the things and times that you are speaking of but they seem so distant. It is a torture either way. I feel for you but maybe you are better off than I. I don't mean that in any way to slight your pain. I am just putting it out there, that perhaps remembering those times and events is a blessing. Best wishes for better days and new memories!

The memories are going to kill you, what I find has helped is as soon as the memories or thoughts start to replace them with other thoughts. Its something you physically have to do, there have been many posts on this site on ways to do that. I am not sure if there is a way to search those out or not???
A few of the ones I have started doing AGAIN (I have had a couple of rough weeks because I allowed myself to think about him and the past) are to as soon as he pops into my head, I say get out, get out. Or I will look around and start saying what colors I see, I see blue, I see red etc. This refocuses your brain and you can shake it off, at least for a minute or two. Another one someone suggested was to stop what you're doing and listen, then name 3 things that you can hear.
I know it kind of sounds silly but since I started doing this again (my counselor calls it doing maintanance) it has helped my mood a lot. Be gentle on yourself, its so hard to be where you are. Truly heartbreaking! I know, been on this painful journey since Feb. Hope you have a good night, hang in there!

I have that same movie in my head. I wish mine was a movie with all the bad things, like Cab has..I think I wouldn't miss him so much. I think the good memories are the hardest to bear and I think they are especially hard for people who feel very deeply about someone they love.
It truly sucks..I'm sorry. It does get easier.

I think of my first love and I surprised that I loved him so deeply and poignantly..and I don't still think of him..rarely. One day you won't be so paralyzed by thoughts of the times you two shared.

I think something sad for me was, after it was all said and done, I didn't have any memories that really made me miss him or miss our marriage together.

Today I didn't really realize it but it was a solid 30 days no contact and while I'm surprised it came so suddenly I did have a flashback of the good times we had over 24 years. We had awesome times, raised 2 kids and did all the sports and dance and gymnastics and great holidays and believe me if they weren't awesome it wouldn't have lasted that long...but it ended. And I was kind of hurt today reminiscing about it all. But I really think even with all the tools we have it's up to us to get on with life, count the blessings we have in the present and not dwell on the past. Yeah those memories are rough but that period of my life made me who I am now..a father and an adult who has to man up and get my daughter through this too. It's hard but I tell you it's not worth getting your head stuck in the past. Do what you have to do however you have to do it to move your thoughts forward. Life's too short to be perpetually sad.

I do something similar to yougospam. I used to say "no" every time I started thinking of scenarios that might lead to reconciliation. I said it out loud so that I heard it clearly, I will admit that it looks a little strange and when other people are in the car they always look at me like I'm crazy. I will sometimes say to myself, this is not healthy and force myself to think about a happy memory that doesn't involve my stbx. It's not that I want to erase them from my life, its just too painful to think about right now. The other day I was at a light and I had a random thought about my daughter being born. I had to have an emergency c-section at the last minute and I was so sick and exhausted after it was done that I just started at my stbx throughout the whole thing, even after she was born because I couldn't turn my head. I remember thinking that there was no one else I would ever want to go through that with. The memory was like a punch in the chest. It kept creeping into my thoughts, so now when it pops in, I fast forward the thought to the moment I was well enough to hold my daughter and all the things that happen that first night we were alone together. Still the same happy memory, just one that is more bearable at the moment.

Yup. Same thing here. Cannot get it to turn off unless I take something to help me sleep

Thank you all for your support and advice. It is a comfort knowing that I am not the only one who is going through any of this. I have to keep only the good memories, because if I focus on the bad ones, I am afraid it will lead to a place where I cannot get out of. I do not want to have my future so dominated by anger and bitterness, that I end up like my wife. That is one of the main causes in our divorce. She is so consumed by negative feelings from before we even got together, that there was never really any room for me and what we had.