Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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natalieo 03/31/2010

I understand that divorces and break ups are difficult and sometimes very emotional for the two involved. Though, this isn't about how the parents feel, this is how the child feels. I am 17 years old, and my parents have been married for 25. I have two older brothers, and we have always been together. Now, my parents have just told me that they are taking a break, which is good for them, but for me? my mom wants her and I to move out cause my house gives me the creeps, but I don't want to leave, I don't want to be separated between them. How is dinner going to work? just the two of us? I have school and a job to go to, when am I going to see my dad? I just wanted to say this, because I am sure you do think about your kids and how this will affect them, but for me, this is just a break! not even a divorce and I am already full of hurt.

-Natalie.

deleted_user 03/31/2010

I was a child of divorce too, and I know your pain all too well. I'm glad you posted because I kept it all inside me, and it was very poisonous to me growing up. I believe i suffer from anxiety to this day because of insecurity and coping mechanisms I was forced to resort to get me through such an emotionally disabling thing, and my parents do not acknowledge my feelings to this day. Very sad really, that one is just expected to "get over it".

Maybe you could print this and show it to them. I think they should be aware that you are feeling this way.

God bless you.

deleted_user 03/31/2010

I'm sorry you are in this mess that you seemingly have no control over. As a parent of older kids, I, too, was so very worried about how my boys (then 17 and 18, now 19 and 21.
). would take the upset. I won't lie. Their lives changed forever. I tried to make the marriage work even though it was way over. doesn't matter here who was to blame. The boys hated the whole thing and honestly, they both chose to live mith me and are a lot happier than when things were bad even though they got to be with their dad and me at the same time. I know things look dark now, but just try to hang in there because soon enough you will find that you will develop so many different interests outside of the home since you are nearly ready to launch into college or wherever else your dreams take you. If your parents try to put you in the middle of their deal, though, remind them that you are not a go-between for them and that you love them both....Big hugs to you...and best wishes.

totallychaotic247 03/31/2010

First of all big hugs to you! I am also a child of divorce. I am trying my hardest to make sure that our children don't feel the way I felt about my parents' divorce. I have been nothing but honest with our children about what is going on. If they have questions, I encourage them to ask them. I also have our older two in counseling for this exact reason. My parents divorce was very messy and neither of them even attempted to keep me or my brothers out of it. I do not bash their father in front of them, I will continue to take the high road FOR OUR children, even when my stbx does not. I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this. Talk to your parents, tell them exactly what you just told us. Tell them it hurts you to even think about all the possibilities. More hugs coming your way, it takes alot of courage to speak up about how you are feeling to your parents!(natalieo)

patti22 03/31/2010

I'm so sorry. I think about the impact on my kids all of the time. None of this was my choice, but I can and do make it as easy on them as I know how.

natalieo 03/31/2010

My parents are letting me ask questions, but I don't really want to make it any harder on them. They aren't at each other's throats, they just can't agree on anything anymore. I have a few friends who parents are divorced and I am talking with them about it. I understand how hard it is going to be, but on top of all the junk that has happened to me so far this year, its going to be extremely hard. Thank you for replying, I will see what I can do, to make it easier on all of us.

patti22 03/31/2010

It's NOT your job to make it easier on your parents.

OK, here's my best advice to you. Write a letter telling them this:

I'm a kid and I don't like Either of my parents from time to time. I want to be able to express this without Either of you jumping all over it. I'm also a teenager and I want to be with my friends more than I want to be with Either of you....so don't take it personally. I might want to be at the other parents place just so that it's easier to be with My Friends.

Oh and can I have some money? And borrow the car?

(I've given a copy of this to both of you. No bonus points for a positive response to either of the above questions...)

totallychaotic247 03/31/2010

I agree with Patti in that it is not your job to make this easier for your parents.....it's their job to make it easier for you. That's what parents do, they make things as easy as possible for their kids. Ask your parents all the little seemingly insignificant questions. Now is the best time for you to figure out exactly what you need from both of your parents. Yes, they are hurting, their emotions are raw right now, but it will help them by you keeping them in the loop about your needs. If you feel comfortable enough with your parents, show them this post. Show them that you are trying to deal with this the best way you know how. I'm so sorry that you are going through this mess.

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