Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Well, upon waking up early this morning, and until now the events that will transpire tomorrow are kind of hitting me hard today!
This will be the first Thanksgiving that I will do alone, since my ex-faince broke up with me 4.5 months ago! On this same date, last year, 2013, I remember fondly that my EX was all excited about tomorrow, already had the bird out of the freezer and allowing it to thaw. With a smile, she was going through the kitchen's spice cupboard and seeing what more needed to be purchased. Putting me "in charge" of any out and about food shopping that might needed to have been done.
I remember her pulling can'd foods out of the shelfs and placing them all lined up real nice on the kitchen counter top, talking to herself, "okay I'll use that, then I'll use this, then next I'll cook up those cans of cranberries" ect. ect. ect. She was just so happy and thrilled and excited to be doing her "first time in her life" a Thanksgiving all on her very own. I remember the "togetherness" as far as working together as a team in the kitchen, both of us so fricking happy, excited and couldn't wait to do the holiday up proper all on our own!
There was just so much of an air of "togetherness" that you could cut it with a knife. And I remember that it was cute, the unsure Daughter needing to confirm with her Mother on how to do certain things......"Aaron, can you bring me the laptop out of the office and bring it into the kitchen and make sure it's okay and then fire up Skype"? It was cute and entertaining to watch the two of them go at it, this needs cooking, this needs this sort of preparations, this needs to be at this temperature ect. ect. ect. it was cute to watch. I could tell it was making her Mother happy and pleased that her Daughter, now some 2000 miles away wanted to keep up with some of the same meals as she had while living back with he parents.
It was just real nice to see all the togetherness, love, traditions, values, and hearing the Skype cross talk, I enjoyed it all.
Now, a year later, she's gone! Where there was once such excitement and activity inside the kitchen, now, it lays pretty empty, void of activity! Where there was once, "hay honey can you make a run up to Safeway and get me some canned green beans", now there's no requests for nothing, just silence. Where there was once 'hay Aaron can you grab the laptop and fire up Skype"? Now, there's no being entertained by watching a Mother and Daughter getting into it with their "cook on"! Where there was once, "hay Aaron can you call so-in-so and make sure they are coming tomorrow and at what time they'll be here"? Now, no such phone calls, no invites, no confirmations, no friends coming over.
I even remember my ex-faince starting up with the Christmas spirit a bit early and walking to our old stereo system, busting out a burned Holiday music disk and playing it, I remember her in the kitchen rocking out and going through her Thanksgiving preparations listening "jingle bells"! Now, that stereo doesn't exist anymore, had to sell it, there's no burned Holiday disks playing, no one rocking out in a kitchen to Jingle Bells, just nothingness!
Sorry to have just rambled on here, but today is really bugging me, kind of a day that I have that all day lump in my throat, my chest feels heavier, my mind is remembering things and due to not really having anything important to do right now, or tomorrow, it makes things a little on the hard side to deal with.
It's just the memory's, it hurts a little........."that's all"!
This will be the first Thanksgiving that I will do alone, since my ex-faince broke up with me 4.5 months ago! On this same date, last year, 2013, I remember fondly that my EX was all excited about tomorrow, already had the bird out of the freezer and allowing it to thaw. With a smile, she was going through the kitchen's spice cupboard and seeing what more needed to be purchased. Putting me "in charge" of any out and about food shopping that might needed to have been done.
I remember her pulling can'd foods out of the shelfs and placing them all lined up real nice on the kitchen counter top, talking to herself, "okay I'll use that, then I'll use this, then next I'll cook up those cans of cranberries" ect. ect. ect. She was just so happy and thrilled and excited to be doing her "first time in her life" a Thanksgiving all on her very own. I remember the "togetherness" as far as working together as a team in the kitchen, both of us so fricking happy, excited and couldn't wait to do the holiday up proper all on our own!
There was just so much of an air of "togetherness" that you could cut it with a knife. And I remember that it was cute, the unsure Daughter needing to confirm with her Mother on how to do certain things......"Aaron, can you bring me the laptop out of the office and bring it into the kitchen and make sure it's okay and then fire up Skype"? It was cute and entertaining to watch the two of them go at it, this needs cooking, this needs this sort of preparations, this needs to be at this temperature ect. ect. ect. it was cute to watch. I could tell it was making her Mother happy and pleased that her Daughter, now some 2000 miles away wanted to keep up with some of the same meals as she had while living back with he parents.
It was just real nice to see all the togetherness, love, traditions, values, and hearing the Skype cross talk, I enjoyed it all.
Now, a year later, she's gone! Where there was once such excitement and activity inside the kitchen, now, it lays pretty empty, void of activity! Where there was once, "hay honey can you make a run up to Safeway and get me some canned green beans", now there's no requests for nothing, just silence. Where there was once 'hay Aaron can you grab the laptop and fire up Skype"? Now, there's no being entertained by watching a Mother and Daughter getting into it with their "cook on"! Where there was once, "hay Aaron can you call so-in-so and make sure they are coming tomorrow and at what time they'll be here"? Now, no such phone calls, no invites, no confirmations, no friends coming over.
I even remember my ex-faince starting up with the Christmas spirit a bit early and walking to our old stereo system, busting out a burned Holiday music disk and playing it, I remember her in the kitchen rocking out and going through her Thanksgiving preparations listening "jingle bells"! Now, that stereo doesn't exist anymore, had to sell it, there's no burned Holiday disks playing, no one rocking out in a kitchen to Jingle Bells, just nothingness!
Sorry to have just rambled on here, but today is really bugging me, kind of a day that I have that all day lump in my throat, my chest feels heavier, my mind is remembering things and due to not really having anything important to do right now, or tomorrow, it makes things a little on the hard side to deal with.
It's just the memory's, it hurts a little........."that's all"!
I hope that you get through the day and are able to relax for a while.
Lucille6: Thank you for the virtual hug, it was very much appreciated. Your right, I just have to shake these Holiday memory's and perhaps when I'm ready start some new traditions of my own.
Next, talk about one messed up Thanksgiving! It wouldn't have been so bad if my Mother stayed with our original plans, and that was to just go out somewhere and enjoy the Holiday at a place like Denny's or something. But no, there was a last minute change of plans that I wasn't told about until I arrived at Mom's. It appeared that we were going to go to one of he office employee's homes, I knew this person, no biggie, my ex-faince and I were over at this persons home about 10 months back, they know me, I know them, sure why not!
Once we arrived, and walked up to the front door and knocked, it opened, and of course the "hayyyyy....glad to see youuuu......(((hugs))) and (((hand shakes))) and smiles. As we started our way in through the door, several people standing there said "Aaron where's your Finace, we were expecting to see her? Is she out at the car, is she getting something, I'll help your lady out and go help her. I glared at my Mom with that "how dare you look"!
So I had to stand there in this persons front door lobby area and give them a "nut shelled" history lesson! And of course, the ohhh.....sorry to hear that.......how you doing with all this......man that's unfortunate, you guys made a great looking couple! Talk about kicking me in the f**king crotch! So i thought the situation was under control, the history lesson was done, everyone knew she wasn't there, I apologized to my Mom for glaring at her, while whispering to her....."you didn't tell you office staff"? I appreciate this level of my privacy, but this problem could have been avoided if you at least warned these guy's ahead of time.
So we go about visiting and such, then it was time to make our way into their dinning hall. No problem, no biggie......"let's eat"! We were then told that as we make our way around the huge table that they took it upon themselves to go to a professional engraver and had little Thanksgiving brass etched plaques with our names on them, that we can take come after, those little name plaques indicate where we all sit.
I made my way around the table, found my etched brass name plate, which was mounted of soft polished and stained pine wood! I found mine, and stood there and looked off to my right hand side and saw something that dropped my lump in my throat into my private parts! I was staring at a shinny name plate thing, with my ex-faince's name on it, but that wasn't bad enough, there's more, these people had the engraver etch her first name and used my last name on it, they etched it as her name would look as if married to me!
I almost lost it, my Mom walked up, saw it, and said that she'll hold onto to this until someday I am ready for it. She whispered to me that she was "sorry" that she didn't break privacy and tell them, she had no idea that they were going to etch us our own take home name plates! So I sat there, next to an empty spot at the table, a spot that was meant for my ex-fiance, empty plate, empty glass and unused silverware and all, it all just sat there, wasn't used by the person it was meant for, broke my fricking heart!
After dinner, if you call it a dinner, I just pecked at my food, really didn't feel like eating at all after dinner and pie I was glad to hear my Mom say that we were leaving! Once we got out of that house and into her car, she leaned over and gave me a big hug and said again that she was sorry! She told me Aaron your really handling this the best you can. It just doesn't seem right Aaron, this woman leaves us as if she's going back to her own slice of heaven, without a care in the world. And here you are carrying the weight of the world of the breakup situation on your shoulders, being reminded of it around every corner and ever turn, she betrays us and your not even an after thought to her, and here you are, now your dealing with the situation made for 2 people, but your handling it as 1 person!
I was happy to get home, here in a minute I'm going to bust out the food I didn't eat earlier and have my own Thanksgiving dinner, sitting at my table with my two little cats at my feet. Maybe Daddy will spoil them a little and give them some dark meat turkey......they'll like that for sure!
Im an aussie, so we dont do thanksgiving. But I lived in the us for several years.....now, even here, I do thanks giving. My green bean casserole is in the oven right now.
But....ive been alone since I was 18. About 28 years now. Never a boyfirend, let alone a fiance or husband. Nothing. Not a thing. Always alone.
So I wonder.....at least you've had something. Something to be thankjful for with good memories. Some of us, have never even had that.....
Still.....im thankful. I have good health, an income, a home.....my dog and cat will share my meal.....its good..... but to share even one thanksgiving with someone I loved......that would be something....
It seems like it would be easier to think about what others don't have to be more appreciative of your situation, but it is not. I can come on here and tell others that at least they've experienced a proposal, a marriage, or the joy of having kids at least once. But when you are really going through emotional pain, it is hard to feel good about things you should be grateful for.
The depression clouds your world. Those commercials where they show everything in gray and then the person's world becomes colorful again when their depression symptoms have improved are just how it feels. Your world is simply clouded, and it is difficult to be content with many things as you experience inner turmoil.
CopingJust: I appreciate you for taking the time to come in here and offer up some words, it's appreciated. Perhaps as you've said "you've been alone since the age of 18"! Yes, I am thankful for at least having the opportunity to make memory's with someone I lived with, but more importantly.....someone I loved. Even with my heartache I can look beyond the trees in the Forrest and see that I should be thankful to at least had what I had with someone! Perhaps being like you, alone since 18 years of age would have been a good thing for me, if I was alone, there wouldn't have been the chance for any "post breakup" issues, like heartache, memory's, visual reminders, and in conjunction with my story, no name plates!
But to be boldly honest, yeah, I could have chosen to live life alone, I could have! But to be honest, even through the heartache, the turmoil, the memory's of what was, the visual reminders of her around town, the pain and suffering, even though all of that stuff, I am still glad to have loved, then to have not loved at all.
I'm glad for the times we had together, for the most part it was all "peaches and cream" and I wouldn't trade the good times spent together for anything in the world.