pretty sure you can file for an at-fault divorce since he cheated which means you can divorce immediately. You may need proof though.

Don't think there is a way to avoid the flip out...but seems like he should be expecting it. I;d say the most important thing is to stay as calm as possible so you can stay in control of the conversation.

There is no such thing as a "legal" separation. All that means is separating (at different addresses, NOT just rooms in the house) and drawing up paperwork which will then be turned into your divorce agreement if y'all decide to divorce.

The one year and a day is the separation.

I thought legal separation varied from state to state. I know my state doesnt have it, so I have no personal experience with it.

We cant tell you HOW to tell him, because you know him and we dont. You know his style of communication and what he is likely to have a better response to.
I will advise, however - to make sure your children are not at home (or wherever you are during the conversartion). Maybe its not a bad idea to meet in a public place (out to lunch). That way his response is likely to be much more controlled due to witnesses being present.
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I found it best when my husband and I separated to have a neutral mediator present whenever we needed to discuss anything regarding the separation/divorce. It didnt always work, but it was better than us being alone and ripping eachothers faces off.

There is such a thing as legal separation. Being legally separated is just like being divorced except that neither person can remarry while being legally separated. Also, at any time during the legal separation either party can get a divorce. This is what a divorce attorney told me.

One other thing, some states do have a wait policy of a year (or so), however, in cases of abuse or infidelity, the requirement to wait is waived.

Ok, let me clarify. I am, also, in a state where you have to be separated a year prior to divorce, so that, in and of itself, IS the separation. Once he establishes residence in another address, the clock starts ticking.

In my state you can have an attorney drawn up separation agreement, which is often referred to as a "legal" separation. You do not have to have one but it helps set boundaries with you and your ex. and is similar to what would happen if you went through with the divorce. You do not have to have a written agreement to be considered separated but it would help prevent issues during the separation. And the only way you can get a divorce prior to a year of separation is abuse. He is starting to complain about a lot of issues as far as visitation and finances which I am being as fair as possible about. That is why I met with the attorney. I am a stay at home mom so at any moment he could keep me from having any access to the bank account. He has been living somewhere else for almost 5 months now. His family is starting to give their opinions on the situation so he is starting to get irritated with it. Thanks for listening and your suggestions.

Actually people do obtain legal separation for various reasons. Below is an article that explains all about it:

http://www.expertlaw.com/library/family_law/legal_separation.html

Hi JeNAY: In response to your question is that FIRST you don't tell you husband that you are planning on seeing an attorney. That is your personal info and your own business. You will have to learn that what you do with the attorney is private between you and the attorney and not to be shared with your husband.

Too many wives believe that by telling their husbands they are going to see an attorney, he will "snap to" to their liking It doesn't usually work and instead things can become worse.

Also, if you want the Legal Separation to be everything you get from a divorce but you are still married, it will cost about as much as a divorce. So that is something else to consider and discuss with an attorney.

This is why I say don't tell your husband about this. Because you are going to talk to an attorney and you will get opinions and have to decide what you want to do, if anything. There is no sense already talking to your husband, causing potential fighting, and locking in that you are going to the attorney with your husband (and him thinking you are going in for divorce or whatever) and then you may not decide it is too expensive and not do it at all.