Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Jgarc 09/14/2013

Hi everyone, so it has come to the point where I can't avoid everyone anymore. My close family and close friends know about my situation. I am no longer with my (I don't know if he should even be considered a husband) ex.

But I am now being invited to events by some of my other friends and family, and I know it's time to tell them. I know that I don't need to go in details but I'm having trouble thinking about how to put it in words.

Any words of advice? My ex did the meanest thing you can do to anyone so it's not like I want to say " we both decided it was best" NO! He was a coward and left me while I was at work!!!

Help please

deleted_user 09/14/2013

This is your journey now.
You let your people know when you are ready.
You will sense when the right time is.

I still address him as my husband to others since I have not yet told everyone about my divorce. I told some friends, but not to all.
Ultimately when I am physically separated (move out), I can start calling him EX.

deleted_user 09/14/2013

You are an adult and you owe no explanation to others. If someone asks where he is, a simple "we are not together anymore" should suffice and you're not keeping up a lie. No one can pry further details out of you if you do not talk about it. I think you come off with great dignity.

If you start to talk about it, your chances are grater to come unglued, begin crying and make a scene that you will regret later.

If people ask more, you remain silent and don't answer. You remain cool and calm. It can become uncomfortable for the person asking and clearly indicate you are not discussing it. If they persist, you can say "excuse me, I want to say hello to Jane" and walk away.

Jgarc 09/14/2013

Astime: you are totally right. Just that these people were part of my wedding. And I wish they knew that I didn't give up! ... You know.

I know that deep down it shouldn't matter but I don't want ppl to say "typical young marriage, they gave up". I know I am overthinking it!

I just have to take a few deep breaths

deleted_user 09/14/2013

I agree with the cat. Simply say "we broke up" and leave it at that. They don't need to know the details right now, especially with it being so raw. In time you will tell a few close friends, and the word will get around. And really, who cares what they think about how hard you tried? It's none of their business. Your marriage was between the 2 of you, and only the 2 of you know what happened. It's your truth. Don't let anyone tell you different. You can simply tell anyone who asks that you'd rather not discuss it, and leave it at that. Anyone who continues to pry is being a nosy jerk and is not worthy of any more of your time.

deleted_user 09/14/2013

When you start to "explain" why you and your husband split up, it will sound like you need to defend yourself for something YOU did. And as cheryt said "who cares what they think about how hard you tried?"

At an event, if you start explaining your separation, some will feel you are going around trying to get pity from people. And the host and hostess could feel you are ruining their event/party. So keep in your focus that these events are not about you and your problems and out of respect to the host and hostess, you should keep your separation details to yourself because it is their event and not yours. This is courtesy and respect that you pay to the host and hostess and you keep the event, party or get together in the direction the host and hostess have set it on. It is their night.

You do NOT need the approval of all these people in order to go forward with your life. In fact, seeking their approval will only get you disappointment because you will face disapproval from some because you can't please everyone. At the end of the day, they're going to get in their cars, where you can't hear them and some will comment unfavorably--so what?

You focus on a lovely outfit for yourself, lovely makeup and hair and go to the event to genuinely enjoy yourself. And consider bringing a hostess gift as a thoughtful touch. You'll do just fine. Many hugs.

deleted_user 09/14/2013

so tell them the truth. Why should you take the heat for something you didn't do something as big as this.
I told his family and mine as well as our closest friends... he gutted me and didn't deserve for people to hear his lies of it was a mutal decison..
no way.. He has done enough damage to me without having people look at me as if I had a part in this his lie, his decet his cheating.

no way the truth will set you free and don't feel guilty.. he did this.

deleted_user 09/15/2013

Share what you are comfertabe with sharing, you don't have to share at all if you don't want to. I told my family, because they all knew my husband had cheated before. So no one was too surprised. I think it is up to the individual on what you share and with whom. Listen to your intuitions on who is safe to share with, who will support you, and who will judge or attack you. Use wisdom and best of wishes. :)

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