Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My ex and I have been broken up for 2 1/2 years now and ever since then I have been very unemotional. I am over the mourning stage of my relationship, although I do think about him more often than not. But I still don't seem to feel any kind of vulnerability towards any man. When I meet men now it just doesn't seem genuine like it did with my ex. With every guy I meet it's like there is an attraction for about a month and then it just flat lines. And I think I am majority of the problem. I don't know how to show my emotions anymore. I think I don't express them because of fear of embarrassment that they won't want the same thing as me...maybe. With my ex, everything just happened... like it was meant to be and very natural. But with other guys, it always becomes more of a friendship. I feel like I don't ever know my place with them.
This is really hard to write because I can't really explain what I am trying to say :( I guess to sum it up... with everyone I meet I just go with the flow. I don't show any kind of attachment to them because I'm either not attached to them or I don't want them to know that I am. And I think I am this way because I don't really believe in relationships anymore. I don't believe anyone is faithful anymore so I become passive to not complicate things or waste my time stressing over something I really have no control over anyway. But, at the same time, I still want to give another relationship a chance (contradicting I know). I feel inhuman being emotionless. So I guess I just don't know how to get past that and get to the next step with someone.
Advice??
This is really hard to write because I can't really explain what I am trying to say :( I guess to sum it up... with everyone I meet I just go with the flow. I don't show any kind of attachment to them because I'm either not attached to them or I don't want them to know that I am. And I think I am this way because I don't really believe in relationships anymore. I don't believe anyone is faithful anymore so I become passive to not complicate things or waste my time stressing over something I really have no control over anyway. But, at the same time, I still want to give another relationship a chance (contradicting I know). I feel inhuman being emotionless. So I guess I just don't know how to get past that and get to the next step with someone.
Advice??
This is what's working for me right now - I decided to sit still. I decided to stop trying and enjoy my solitude for right now. I think being able to connect with other people is a sign of needing more time, a sign that we still need healing. I am not sure how was your break up but I didn't want mine, I had to get rid of the person b/c he was a cheater. I believe that the way the break up goes and the reasons determines a lot. Someone who wanted the break up b/c they were done with the person is probably more likely to move out of this stage quicker. You are fairly young, so this might be your first break up. It's not my first and I can compare to the others and the others were nothing like this one. So to me the way it happened is what is driving my healing process.
I would say be kind to yourself. Don't feel like there is anything wrong with you - give yourself time, get out and enjoy life the best way you can, come around people who love you and with time you will start slowly opening up. It hasn't happened for me yet but I know I am on the right path. Stay optimistic.
Best wishes.
I don't think that there is anything wrong with the way that you feel. I imagine that when some people are hurt badly, it's hard to learn how to trust again. Either trusting them, or trusting yourself not to get hurt.
You will meet someone who will earn that trust, little by little. A good person will show you with actions that they are worth the risk of letting go again. Until then, you have your protective mechanism. It's there for a reason, to protect you.
Also, don't compare men to your ex. If you are doing that, then perhaps you haven't found the right person after all. If i met someone I really liked, my ex would not be a factor and I wouldn't still be thinking about them more often than not.