Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My wife wanted the separation. She wanted her space. I try not to call her or email her unless it is something that is inportant in dealing with finances. I still hate to speak with her or anything like that. It makes me feel weak and I usually end up trying to talk to her about our relationship.
Why do I do that? I don't understand why I am always wanting to work things out. Near the end of the marriage she was treating me like crap yet I still hope that I will be able to get her to take me back and work on the relationship. I would love to be able to get her to go to see a preacher or a marriage counselor so that we can fix the marriage.
My ex is an incredibly selfish person. I think that I had been selfish in the relationship as well. I never realized it until we split and I tought about some things. She never communicated with me and told me what was going on, she just expected me to know it.
She still keeps telling me that she has told me why she wanted to separate. She has told me that we are different people and she was tired of me not doing anything around the house (which is wrong).
I notice that she is starting to pause when I start talking about working on the relationship. She then says she isn't ready to do it yet. What is she is waiting for?
What do you guys think of this? Am I nuts for wanting to work on things when she was so bad to me for the last two years?
Why do I do that? I don't understand why I am always wanting to work things out. Near the end of the marriage she was treating me like crap yet I still hope that I will be able to get her to take me back and work on the relationship. I would love to be able to get her to go to see a preacher or a marriage counselor so that we can fix the marriage.
My ex is an incredibly selfish person. I think that I had been selfish in the relationship as well. I never realized it until we split and I tought about some things. She never communicated with me and told me what was going on, she just expected me to know it.
She still keeps telling me that she has told me why she wanted to separate. She has told me that we are different people and she was tired of me not doing anything around the house (which is wrong).
I notice that she is starting to pause when I start talking about working on the relationship. She then says she isn't ready to do it yet. What is she is waiting for?
What do you guys think of this? Am I nuts for wanting to work on things when she was so bad to me for the last two years?
you deserve love and kindness.
Please be kind and loving to yourself.
Don't settle for what little hope she gives you.
You deserve someone who sees you for who you are and all that you have to give.
It doesn't sound like she's it.
Big hug!!!!
Limited contact for space will ease the pain and help you heal. I know you want to work on it, but she doesn't, and there's nothing you can do to change that. If she is going to come around, she has to do it on her own. In the meantime, you need to focus on your needs, esp. your feelings and your healing.
*man hug*
*belch*
Hang in there, dude. We're with you. :)
"Wanting her space" is not a great phrase because it usually means much more than that. It is usually covering up something else. If she is not willing to do counseling, that says a lot. She isn't ready because she is not sure she wants to face the music and do the work necessary. Unfortunately, it seems to be a trend out there.
I hope for the best for you. We are always here for you. (((Hugs)))
We've all been where you are--hoping for the best but seeing the worst.
I think we often cling to a terrible marriage because we'd rather be with the devil we know than the one we don't.
When I first separated, I was terrified--who would want me? Stbx rejected me so I must be totally unloveable and undesireable. Took some counseling, thinking, journaling, talking to folks on DS and in my life to realize I'm not the problem, he is and I can have a better life and deserve it
Do you believe you deserve a life of happiness, love, respect? Instead of asking what she wants, think about what you really want. Truthfully, I think she wants out but wants you to end it so she doesn't have to be the bad person.
Don't know if this makes sense. I'm getting sleepy so could just read like gibberish (but my heart is in the right place).
Hang in there. Stay strong. Sending you a hug.
I find the best I can do for myself is tohave nothing to do with him. I loved him devotedly (if not perfectly) for 18 years with very good reason, and he suddenly morphed into a selfish impulse-ridden teenager. Horrible to see that change, but it is the current reality.
Because all this is a new development, and your devotion is of long standing, it is natural to grieve. My spouse was one way for a loooong time, now suddenly, he is another. One cannot lose all the future plans and a beloved companion and NOT grieve for a time.
After awhile, it will be clear to all of us in this position that we have new lives to redesign as we wish. In time, that fact will beckon, as we are able to let go.
I do feel a gradual loosening beginning in my core, but am often dragged back to my grief. For me it has been a short time and there are no end of pressing problems, stress.
Hope this wasn't too rambling. Please
remember that we are here for you and you are not alone....