It's been 10 days since my husband told me he's done with our marriage. I went to sleep last night without crying. I woke up without crying. This is amazing to me. The roller coaster is still functioning but the hills seem to be less terrifying and may be actually shrinking in size. So I wondered what helped so much and wanted to put it here so maybe others might benefit from it also.

First of all, believe it or not, walking has been a huge help. I drag myself out of bed every morning, take a shower and grab the dog and go walk at the park for close to an hour. If you stay in the house all day, or worse stay in bed all day, you just get more depressed. It's nice to be outside breathing fresh air and seeing people you don't know living their lives. It makes you feel like some day soon you'll have one too. It also keeps the good chemicals in your brain going so you are able to actually feel good. If you don't ever feel good this will never pass.

The other thing is, I talked to a very good friend that I haven't kept in touch with as much as I should since my husband and I have been together. That was a mistake. This guy is a very rational thinker. It's nice to come on here and spill your guts out and I know it helps to know you aren't alone in your misery, but I feel like you can be here too much too. You have to get your feelings out in the open but then you can't dwell on them. It's sort of a balancing act. So it was nice to talk to this guy who didn't ask how I was feeling or how my husband was feeling but just looked at the situation and said things that made sense. My husbands actions are disproportioned to the events that took place. It doesn't make sense. Maybe there's something else going on. And it's true. I wasn't supportive enough but I didn't do anything to warrant the anger and hurt that he's feeling. I'm sure that all the stress from the military is blowing things way out. That allowed me to realize that while I need to take responsibility for my part, this is not my fault.

I've been watching people here feel all their emotions and they're all justified and should be delt with. But the guilt and feeling of being rejected seem to be the two biggies. So try to remember, it takes two to people to argue and it takes two people to make a marriage work. It's not your fault. If someone has cheated on you it's not because of anything you did. Even if you did something wrong, them cheating on you has nothing to do with that. People who cheat on their partners have some problem that allowed them to do that. Yes it's true sometime people try to work out their problems and it doesn't work and one finally gives up and leaves, but the people on this forum don't seem to be dealing with that. We all seem to have been ... well dumped. Left wondering what happened. Left feeling worthless. Maybe it's time to take a breath and give yourself a break and realize that the other person checked out and it's ok to be angry with them for that and realize that you deserve someone who has more character than that.

So get outside and breathe! :) I myself am walking off extra pounds and a husband who doesn't have the strength to face problems. I'm not walking away from something but more like walking towards something. The dog is ecstatic!