Usually I'm the "dumpee", but the one situation that sticks out is when I broke it off with my ex husband. I made the choice rather foolishly (but that's another story). This was well over a year and half ago and it affected me greatly. We still lived in our house together till last summer when we sold it. I was losing sleep, crying all the time, feeling overall depressed and second guessing my choice. The stress would definitely cause me to get sick more than usual. It will get easier eventually. Distance helps. Once we no longer had to see eachother each day the healing started. We have a child together and are able to now do things together for her sake. I miss him allot at times, but luckily he seems okay and I no longer get the impression he's hurt because of me. Hang in there, I understand. A loss is still terrible even when you are the one that initiates it.

Your physical health is not surprising to me at all. Even though this is what you wanted, doesnt mean it is not stressful and very very painful. You are making a huge life change and going through and enormous grieving process. This alone depresses the immune system. Dont worry though, this should rectify itself soon enough as you begin to adjust and heal.

As for your wife. Since I was the one who was also left by my husband 5 years ago, I can speak to her feelings. First, did she see this coming or was this a surprise to her? That makes a big difference. I can tell you that I was blindsided and not to make you feel guilty, but it hit me so hard that I lost a huge amount of weight and even needed to admit myself to a mental health facility. Now, I am not saying this is what will happen to your wife, for I have pre-existing depression and anxiety but I can tell you, this is devastating.

This being said however, this is not to make you feel any more guilty then Im sure you already do. You need to do what you need to do and it seems that you have put a lot of thought into this. If this is truly what is best, then I do want to stress that you need to remember, you have already emotionally processed the end of your relationship. Please remember, your wife is just starting to process and she is way behind you in this. Please know that there will be a LOT of emotional turmoil and adjustment that she is going to need to go through. But at the same time, remember that we are all responsible for our own feelings and this is not something you can do for her.

So for the both of you, I wish you the very best as this is one of the most difficult things that a human being can go through.

Thx helerown and sadwone for your comments. To answer your question she was not totally blindsided as I told her back in November that I wasn't happy and I was going to try and fiqure out why and then a few weeks ago I told her I still wasn't happy and wanted to separate. So she had an idea it might be coming but still a shock I'd say. When I told her she said "I've been preparing for this since November." I know that she tried her best to make the relationship work and so did i, its just not to be. You're right helerown, distance does help but its hard to get right now while things are up in the air. She has been a good friend, so not only am we loosing eachother as partners, but also loosing a great friendship. Its a painful but necessary process.

The body knows right and wrong

Don't understand if it is or was a great friendship and you're both trying, why is divorce the answer. I'm only asking to help findsome comfort from my own situation.
Only you as a person knows what is best for you and what you need.

loosingthe - we were/are great friends and that is an important component to a marriage but not freindship alone. We also need to have some sort of romantic connection, chemistry but we don't have that, haven't in quite some time. We had some chemistry in the beginning but now that I look back it was really just superficiscal, based on surface stuff. Sadly I admit that. Emotionally we are worlds apart and I need the emotional connection to have the sexual and romantic connection.

how long where you married?
did you ever cheat?
is there someone you will pursue once divorce is done?
did your desire to divorce blindside your wife?
do you have children together?
when you started to get unhappy, did you honor your vows and be forthright that you and her had issues on which to work or did you keep it secret, did you hide your unhappiness in her, from her?

My stbx was sure I should have known, but he already had found a new great friend he was sharing with...she was in unhappy marriage, got him thinking how unhappy he was...well its all been said before. Still claimed he wanted to be best friends, but if he did he would be wanting to stay in our marriage.
The saddest part for me is how hard it has been on our kids. Not having their dad here and some things I just can't do. I'm not sure how aware our kids are of his friend, but loyalty and trust to me is more important than lust and butterflies. I did my best to add more fun, but when another is the one in your mind, there is no chance.
Hope it works out or both of you.