Oh man, you and I are in the same exact place. You just said everything that I am feeling, and everything I just said to a co-worker not 15 minutes ago. Here's the thing. We can't, and I mean can not, wait around for them to "maybe" change their minds. I know if they did, it would make thing easier on our families, and especially on our children. I think about that all of the time. And not to say I'm ready to find my next soulmate, but I do fear I might let something wonderful pass me by because I am stuck on this notion that she may change her mind. The way you have to look at it is, if she were really the best thing for you, and really wanted what was best for the family, has she treated you in a way that shows that, including asking for separation/ divorce? For me, I can honestly say with her lack of compassion and just the way she has treated me like hot garbage for 90% of the time since we started talking about separating, I can not say with any certainty that she is right for me. And if she's not right for me, staying with her for the kids would actually be a bad thing, as they wouldn't know what a happy family is.

It's a fine line, and maybe I'll feel differently down the line, maybe even later today (LOL), but we can't put our lives on hold for them. That's not fair to us, and if you're as unhappy as I am right now, it's not fair to your children. Trust me, they want to see you happy, as I know mine do for me. And they know right now that I'm not, because unfortunately, I wear my heart on my sleeve. Just something to think about. I'm no expert, but your post really hit home for me, as I have had those same exact feelings.

She wants separation, but will have refill her love for me.

She thinks she is perfect and always right.

Tired of having to pass tests to be worthy of her love.

Meant to say God will have to refill her love for me...she says that

I hear what you're saying, and again, in the same boat. She is always right, it's always about her, and have to jump through several hoops for her to be happy with what I am providing. Such nonsense. That's why I'm saying, even though it may not seem like it, it ma be best, even if she did want to reconcile, to say no. I know that's easier said then done, and I'm not even sure I would be able to practice what I preach, but I am going to try and make sure reconciliation doesn't even enter my mind. I will just be disappointed when she doesn't want that, and even if she did, I can not let her just stroll back in my life, even if I think it may benefit the family.

My therapist says she has Borderline Pereonality Disorder and Attachment Disorder and she is no where near accepting that. AND....that would HAVE to happen if she wants to get back. Like acceptance that all of our problems are not just me. I doubt that stuff happening...really do. Maybe God...

This too hits home. --- I found out 4 months ago that my wife of 17 years had an ongoing affair with my sons baseball coach. Devastating. Now, i know i was no angel. I had a couple of emotional affairs and we almost never fight (not a good sign of communication). She suspected things but never concrete. So, now she believes she is justified, i guess. Anyway, been in therapy for the last 4 months....she wont apologize, keeps blaming me, says she did it just to get back at me (which i believe shows a very vindictive side). I gave her my list of Needs, I asked her for hers---she wont give or is too lazy to give them to me. So, now I am stuck. She is not sorry, says she loves me but is not in love with me. Doesnt show any compassion. Doesnt work. Spends all her time with our kids (lots of weekend sports). I think she doesnt want to get divorced because she will have to get a job....and it will negatively affect our kids. This sucks, because I am ambitious and want to do a lot...but she keeps dragging me down....its killing my personal and entreprenurial spirit. How can i go out and make money, if i feel like crap at home?

Therapists keep saying to wait. Hold it in. We are going to individual therapists as well as group. Over $3k per month on therapy. For what? I cant ask her that question...in fact, therapists tell me not to engage her in anything "deep." I keep running into her affair partner, and his wife (i want to tell his wife so bad because everytime i see her face..its like looking in a mirror....she is completely clueless) and it triggers feelings, thoughts, etc I hate it when he talks to my kid too. And, she doesnt say she is sorry for any of that crap....

So, brother, i know what you are saying.... And, what i hate the most, is that I will probably look like the bad guy...cuz she is cute, sweet, innocent looking etc....and her story will be that i drove her to do something bad...and that she is not inherently at fault... The total victim....

I do love her a lot (at least i feel attatched to her) so i am so damn confused. I am impatient. I do think i need to find a way to just be me (alone just me and God) to see if she looks/seems different to me and vice versa, but i do feel so compelled to find what i don't feel like i have ever had...a best friend, acceptance, unconditional love

Never had

Meant to say

So many lightbulbs going off for me right now...

A couple times in the last 2 months shebhas condemned our whole marriage and i would cry and defend our union, but honestly...it seems so clear that we are not compatible at all. There is such a very long list of things about her that are not what i look for or want or need in a woman. I am slightly curious about how we will feel/look at each other after some separation. How much God and freedom do for our spirits. However i am really thinking our incompatibility runs so very very deep that it is just not ever going to work. Even with counseling. Even with God's healing power. I am going to be patient and give it a couple weeks, but i really think i am going to move on soon and i wonder if i should sit her down and explain how i feel formally?????????? I meam after i give this some time. I think it is a 50/50 that she will actually want back together, but i am a good guy. I know what is out there...who is out there. I don't know???????????