Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Almost 5 months later, I still find myself struggling with how my recent relationship ended. Its crazy how you dont see certain actions in a person until you get faced with them. You never really know someone. At this point, Im okay not being together with my ex because I know he doesnt deserve me, but I feel that I deserve a proper break-up/closure. Its a long story, but to get right to the point, he basically forced me to realize that it was over by stopping all communication. My problem is that after being together, he didnt even have the nerve to express his true feelings even if theyre not what I wanted to hear, what caused him to make the decision that he wants nothing more to do with me, & have a grown-adult conversation stating that he no longer wants to be together or lets try to repair this. Wow! Really? At some point in time, we cared for each other so thats the least one can do. I have constants reminders, but after May, Ill be back in the states & most likely will never ever have to see him again, so Out of Sight, Out of Mind does help. Im good until I keep seeing his car, him from a distance, & just thoughts of us. Other reminders have left so that is a big relief. Im just very disturbed that I wont get closure. In my eyes, we couldve still be cordial & cool, but I wasnt given that option. Nothing was that bad on either end to warrant us no longer communicating. Oh well! That's life!
As far as staying friends w/an ex - I say - that is the mature thing to do but not always the best - especially while we are still struggling w/the breakup. I am finding that for many ppl when the first experience a breakup they feel hepless - but as things settle - we may find that a breakup is progress for us. Perhaps you will soon look at it that way also. I am declaring Progress, peace and success to you :)
O and yes, when you move and change your scenery it will feel so much easier to cope. Hang in there.
Thanks. We don't need to be friends but completely ignoring (well we speak very briefly if in passing) isn't ok to me. I do know that I'm better off & good thing I haven't let that get in the way of the progress that I've been making, but I'm so bothered by his cowardly ways. I'm so not ok with a man who is supposed to be grown handling himself like a little female. I think that things could've ended better. He has no heart, & time will heal all wounds. I keep going up & down, but I'll get it together eventually. Lol. Keep your head up too.
Instead of putting any further energy or effort into thinking about how you deserve closure, I would consider that this guy isn't worthy of you and actually was below the bar of what you wanted in a man AND didn't treat you with dignity and respect, so "X" out this guy on your list of real men and try not to give him any further thought. He absolutely does not deserve any of your time now after 5 months, and you deserve to be moving on and thriving out there. So get out there and YOU GO GIRL!!!!
Remember that non-communication works two ways.
I "think" my ex gave me closure about 1.5 years after our divorce. He did this whole "I'm sorry" routine, but, by that point, I was done and over it.
He continues to lie, which I don't say as a bitter ex wife, I say it as the truth. He got remarried and hid it from myself and our son for three months, for no reason.
He continues to be selfish. I put my dog down last week, on Monday, and he hasn't called once to check on our son and how he's handling it...and my kid had no school all of last week, due to weather, so he was home.
So, I hear you. Closure seems important...we want these people to own it, respect us, tell us how they wronged us.
But, then again, there they are: still being THEM, still not attempting to be better.
All the sorrys in the world mean absolutely nothing to me when my ex can't even check on our kid after his dog dies..you know what I mean? He can stick his closure.
You will get to that point, too...I promise!
I like your response though. Thanks.