I'm going through the same thing.

im going through the same thing. we almost made it four years. i want her back and she doesnt know what she wants. its hard but the best we can do is focus on us. nobody wants a broken person even if they broke you. you need to be strong and fix yourself to prove you are worth it not only to her, but to you. even if you dont care about yourself because you only care about her now. you need self worth because if you dont want you, why would anyone else. its hard and its not gonna easier. time heals all and you need to try to make the little things better. be strong and i hope everything works out.

Thank you both....
I don’t even know how to start... I just got back in from playing in the snow with the kids and I was taking my boots off and BAAM.... my thought was “my god why doesn’t she want me”. I hear of all these stories of abusive partners but I am not in that scenario. The only thing I feel that I am guilty for is focusing hard on my career earlier in our marriage but made a change to be more at home. She loved it at first but for some reason feels that she was never 1st priority.

I can’t imagine life without her. Although I have spent a lot of time over the last few days trying to think that and just can’t seem to put one foot in front of the other....

Thanks for your reply!!!

It is unbelievably hard to let go. Noone is going to be able to tell you how to deal with this... you just have to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. I am in the middle of this process myself. After 13 years of marriage, my husband and I separated on Dec 3rd of last year. Some days are easier than others, but every single day is hard right now. Not having answers, not having the communication you are used to, it's devastating... but you have to keep going and keep your head up for those kids. I am trying to learn who I am all over again through this process. I lost so much of myself in my relationship because I was always caring for everyone else. You will get through this... and hopefully as a better, stronger, more self-aware person. Grief comes in many stages and each stage brings its own difficulties and its own rewards. I wish you the best. Always here if you need an ear to talk to or to vent.

Just my two cents. I’d say stop trying. If you have any doubts that your wife is going to end it then your intuition is probably right. Trying harder makes the healing process longer and harder. If she wants to go, let her go. She may convince herself she’s in, then what next? She’ll eventually feel the spark gone again, then you will be left to being in the same place you are in now. , feeling nervous, anxious, having your guards up all the time... this is not the way to live. Be strong. I didn’t think I was going to make it through alive, but I did. I had doubts, but I’m so much happier. It’s better being alone then being lonely while married.

I'm going through the same thing. My husband left me a few months ago. Today's a bad day.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Have you considered talking to a counselor or a pastor? Maybe a few sessions with someone like that can help you cope with your current situation and maybe even help you develop a strategy for doing what you can to move toward reconciliation.