Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Just kind of writing a venting post here...
The last contact I had with my ex was just a brief Merry Chirstmas text on Christmas day... but having moved back abroad now it's getting harder and harder to keep myself from texting him or emailing him. Since I was so blindsided in this breakup there's so much that is still so unclear and surreal to me and knowing myself and how I think, I know that's making it so much harder for me to start healing to have all these lingering questions and things that I can't seem to figure out. (Even my therapist of three years was shocked when she heard the story of how the breakup happened in my first session in a while last week... she agreed that it was so uncharacteristic of everything in the relationship for the past two years). I know that contacting him isn't the answer to start my healing and that it'll only make it worse, but I can't help how much I miss him all the time and how many things I wish I could say to him. I'm every day coming closer to the acceptance that we weren't meant to be together, but I just wish there was something he could say to me to give me peace.
It's also tough because I've always known that we thought really differently. But when I was struggling to understand him sometimes, it was always his brothers or friends who were always kind of able to shed some light on why he was doing things in a particular way. They've known him longer than I have obviously, and it was always helpful to get another perspective to try to see things from his perspective. But of course I can't go to his brothers now either, despite the fact that I considered them friends. And I know a lot of our mutual friends have felt the need to "side" with one of us (even though that's not what I wanted), so I don't even really have our common social network to find some clarity in anymore.
I just feel like I'm one bad day or crying spell away from sending him a text. There was no discussion in our breakup... he talked at me and told me what he had already decided. Now that I want discussion for myself its brutal not being able to get it.
The last contact I had with my ex was just a brief Merry Chirstmas text on Christmas day... but having moved back abroad now it's getting harder and harder to keep myself from texting him or emailing him. Since I was so blindsided in this breakup there's so much that is still so unclear and surreal to me and knowing myself and how I think, I know that's making it so much harder for me to start healing to have all these lingering questions and things that I can't seem to figure out. (Even my therapist of three years was shocked when she heard the story of how the breakup happened in my first session in a while last week... she agreed that it was so uncharacteristic of everything in the relationship for the past two years). I know that contacting him isn't the answer to start my healing and that it'll only make it worse, but I can't help how much I miss him all the time and how many things I wish I could say to him. I'm every day coming closer to the acceptance that we weren't meant to be together, but I just wish there was something he could say to me to give me peace.
It's also tough because I've always known that we thought really differently. But when I was struggling to understand him sometimes, it was always his brothers or friends who were always kind of able to shed some light on why he was doing things in a particular way. They've known him longer than I have obviously, and it was always helpful to get another perspective to try to see things from his perspective. But of course I can't go to his brothers now either, despite the fact that I considered them friends. And I know a lot of our mutual friends have felt the need to "side" with one of us (even though that's not what I wanted), so I don't even really have our common social network to find some clarity in anymore.
I just feel like I'm one bad day or crying spell away from sending him a text. There was no discussion in our breakup... he talked at me and told me what he had already decided. Now that I want discussion for myself its brutal not being able to get it.
Another thing I try to keep in mind is how stressful and ultimately upsetting it feels to wait for a return text or email, and then over analyzing the response when it does come in... this far it hasn't been worth the temporary relief. But every situation's different, of course.
I'm sorry this is causing so much anxiety. I can't imagine how frustrating it is to have no idea how this all came about. Sending gentle hugs!
Hopefully you'll eventually be able to make peace with the fact there are some answers you'll just never get. I don't think you're ready for that yet because your emotions are still too raw.
Being blindsided and not knowing where it came from is traumatic. I was also blindsided and didn't know what was behind it. I did get some answers and now know where it came from but honestly, it doesn't make me feel any better or make it easier.
I found a book called "Men Who Can't Love" and it was very, very helpful in understanding what he'd told me after the fact. My situation didn't completely fit what the book describes (he treated me so well and was really, really good to me, put a lot of effort into the relationship, etc.) but it did explain some things.
I hope you can find some peace with this but it will take awhile. Hugs to you!
I hope