Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi new here. So alittle about my situation, I've been married to my husband for 2 years and together for 3 years. We decided to start a family early on and my daughter was born February 2019. While I was pregnant he started using and cheating. I forgave him and wanted to work on our marriage and he said he wanted to too. He was arrested in October and spent two months in jail where he said he realized he made a big mistake and knew he only wanted our family and wanted to get us back and grow our family. He went into a rehab in January, continued to ask me to be patient so he can work on his sobriety and that he still wanted to work on our marriage and be a family. He continued to say that for months into April of this year. Then the beginning of May he asked for a divorce as he met someone who was also in recovery and moved in with her and has now proposed to her. He says he's being independent yet shacked up with some chick he just met and drives her truck. He doesn't contact me about seeing our daughter and he never once tried to work on our marriage and fix the damage he created. I know me and my daughter will be ok and we deserve better. It's really hard cause I'm still in love with my husband and don't see how he can just walk out and act like we don't exist to him. He was never really in our daughters life due to his addiction so I'm lucky there cause she doesn't know him or know she's missing a father. I'm so lost and confused and don't know how to just let go and stop feeling, stop thinking about him and move on.
Any advice or comments appreciated but be nice as I'm still hurting by all this. Thank u
I know the depth of pain you must be feeling makes you think you’ll never get past it.
I won’t say it’ll be easy and I won’t say it’ll be quick, after having extremely bad break ups in the past myself, I can’t even tell you how I got through it, only that I did, it’s hard to see beyond this, I know nothing I can say will give you much comfort right now while you’re in the middle of it.
But I look back to my darkest moments and I felt so hopeless, I didn’t think I would ever get through, but somehow I’m here, I remember what the pain felt like but it’s no longer with me now and that progress just happens. You don’t even realise it.
What you’re feeling now is a process, the sadness, the anger is something you have to go through to heal, unfortunately that’s how it is, but you will get to a stage where you’ve gone through all the emotions of the loss of this relationship and you won’t have anymore time or thoughts to give to it, it’ll just be a memory.
I have been guilty of being in love with someone’s potential instead of who they truly were, he seems to have shown his true colours.
You and your daughter have had an incredibly lucky escape.
When you find someone who is really worth the amount of love you have to give, you’ll be able to see what you were actually missing out on all this time, not just you but your daughter because she needs to see her mum have someone who treats her with respect, so she can then grown up expecting the same for her relationships in the future.
You are always stronger than you think.
He probably always knew you were too good for him, and it probably didn’t do much for his ego, he then will go off and find someone who is of a lower standard to make himself feel better. Him leaving is not a reflection of you negatively if anything him leaving is him admitting he’s never going to be good enough for you. Don’t let his inability to raise himself to your level effect your self worth.
Just take some time to do things that made you feel good before this, even if they are just the smallest things, treat yourself to a nice dinner, buy yourself something you’ve always wanted, binge watch a load of your favourite films, or buy a new book.
I can imagine sometimes it must be hard because you can’t wallow in this and shut yourself away because you have to be strong for you daughter.
So try and find someone to confide in who won’t judge or mind you venting at all hours of the day or write all your negative feelings down. One day you’ll look back and it will seem like a completely different person writing them.
Take care of yourself.
I actually started a podcast sharing my separation and divorce journey, hopefully to help other women not feel so alone while going though it. Its called the same as my username, if you ever want to look it up and take a listen.
Good luck and stay strong!!
I also think he is trading one addiction for another - this person is probably just a temporary thing that he will abandon when the novelty wears off and reality sets in.
Definitely look into divorce laws in your area and get it over with, sooner rather than later. Take advantage of the fact that he is distracted by this other person. Perhaps he will be willing to give a little more in order to have it done quickly.
I don’t think that point is now. The nature of addiction is that it make you self obsessed. All that matters is your own needs.
Hooking up with another addict is a bad idea and against the common rules I think.
I hate to be mean, but you will be better off without the he that exists now. Hopefully one day the man that you fell for will resurface, and you will have a healthier relationship.
All the best