I know your pain. I was with a woman I was 100% sure was my wife. Like in my mind the stars and the heavens aligned for us to be together, she was all I wanted and all I needed. I broke with a woman I was with for some time to be with her, I thought I was playing by the rules because I loved her more in a short time than the woman I was with for almost ten years. I was completely wrong. She destroyed my home and left me alone, wishing on a star for someone who really cares. I said that to say this. The one we believe is our special someone is very bias and the world is a big place filled with an amazing variety of people, its just in us to go out and find them. I read a story once where a guy found is true love in a small village in Osaka Japan and he was from the US. Love knows no distance or language, if it was meant to be they would still be there for us, through the thick and thin. No matter how we are felling or what we have done, love is forgiving and does not judge. It's okay to be sad and miss him, just dont let it run or ruin your life. I still look at pictures of my beautiful ex to this day. I cant even bring myself to delete her pics from my google hard drive. I just want her kiss, her hug, to spend one more night together, but I realized thats not happening so I just have to move on and grow as a person and spiritually as well. You seem like an awesome down to earth girl, dont let one setback destroy the in-fathomable amount of people there are out there that are a truly perfect match for you

Hang in there. It does get easier. We find new patterns and routines. Although it's not what we want, it's what's best. Allow yourself to feel sorrow and cry when the tears swell up. It helps with healing. Going away is a good thing. Start making new memories.

I wasn't treates as good as I should have been all thr time and pur differrnces in lifestyles destroyed us. The love was always there. But at 30, he still refused to let go of his heavy drinking and occasional drug use and it made me very uncomfortable. I just wish I could have been more accepting of that because the fighting pushed him away. And now I'm left missing someone I truly loved and he's probably having the time of his life.

You say you wish you could have been more accepting of his drinking and drugging because the fighting pushed him away. Well, how about if he had been more accepting of your wanting him to quit those things? What if he had been more accepting of a healthier lifestyle? The breakup of your relationship was a two-way decision. Both of you made a decision and a choice. He decided to choose drugs and drinking over you and you decided to choose yourself over his addictions. I know it hurts right now, but you made the right choice. As for him "having the time of his life" right now while you're sitting around pining for him, my dog loves to roll around in other animals' feces. Yes, sorry if that's disgusting, but from what I understand, it's a dog thing. We live in the country where there is lots of wildlife so as much as I try to prevent it from happening, it happens from time to time. I've seen him do it. He runs over to a pile of crap like a kid on Christmas morning, sniffs it, plops down on it and rolls all over it with a huge grin on his face. Clearly, he is having the time of his life. Does that mean I want to join him? NO. Another thing is that if your ex can move on so quickly from your relationship, that shows you how much he valued it in the first place.

If you aren't already in counseling, you really should consider it. It has helped me tremendously. It's a difficult step to take, but once you do, you will feel so much better. Some weeks, the only thing that has gotten me through was knowing I had an upcoming therapy appointment. I found a great therapist on Psychology Today's website. They have a feature where you put in your zip code and they give you a list of licensed therapists in your area along with their profiles. You can read through them and pick a few you like. I called the two I liked and had a brief phone interview with each of them and went with the one I felt most comfortable with.

I appreciate your kind words. I did start therapy but i only had one appt, next isn't until the 17th. All I did was talk really. Do they wait to start giving you more advice once they get do know you better?

It's been a rough road so far. I haven't even seen or spoken to him, I changed my number right away and only gave it to my personal friends. I have to keep telling myself I'm a prize because right now I feel like I'm thr unworthy one that wasn't good enough for his world. And it hurts. But I'm more caring, can actually drive a car, have stable finances, and try my best to be there for the people I love. But I feel like I'm the one losing now:/

I understand exactly how you feel. I am going through the same thing missing my Ex everyday. We're going through withdrawal. And this place sucks! But no, you should not have been more accepting of certain behaviors. Although there is compromise in every relationship, the compromise should be to promote a healthier relationship, not to prevent confrontation. We have to realize the worth of our love. As hard as it is, we cannot allow ourselves to accept anything less. Love was your driving force, but was it his? If not, then you don't need that in your life. It's hard, I know. Trust me, I know more than I would like to. But "the minute you settle for less you get less than what you settled for". We crave human connection, but we should not want it at the cost of our "self". Get used to not needing someone else to be happy and fulfilled. This way, when your prince charming comes he will be a blessing as apposed to a need. The struggle is real but all I can do is keep giving it to God. We have to keep believing that we're going to be okay. *Hugs*

How have you been doing?

When I started therapy, I cried and talked non-stop for almost the first month. I felt like I was wasting my money because she barely got a chance to speak at all. I told that to a friend who had also gone into therapy for her divorce and she said, "That's exactly what they want you to do ... talk." So I kept talking. After a while, I got a lot of it out of my system and our therapy sessions involved more give and take. Do you see your therapist every week or every two weeks?

I'm managing. Praying everyday. I just started taking some vitamins too. When we are under stress the way we have been due to our circumstances, our brain is going through an "imbalance" and depleting itself of certain chemicals that are necessary. I've been doing a lot of reading and research to find ways to help me cope with the physical effects of what's happening to me and found that taking a B complex vitamin can help with the symptoms of heartache. I lost my appetite and have lost a lot of weight so I'm trying to find ways to get my appetite up and just trying to find a way to get back to feeling like me. I still love him with everything in me, but if he doesn't want to love me in return the way I deserve, what can I do? It's been hard to accept, but I can't change what has happened. So I'm trying to refocus my energy on taking care of me and doing what I have to. It's not easy I get sidetracked on a regular. But I just keep giving it to God. I have to keep going forward.

Reading this post, I can relate to a lot of your feelings Jmit, and the responses you've gotten from ThisCantbeit and Samantha have been helpful for me too. My ex is the same... has an addictive personality and his mental health struggles generally made him into a very selfish and manipulative person, I always felt taken for granted in the relationship...Often knowing I should let him go and yet now that I'm out, I can't help but think of him all the time, wishing he was back and thinking about what I could've done differently to keep him around. I think what we're experiencing is the bargaining phase of grief over the loss of an ideal. But what has been said by other posters here is true, we can't settle for less. We deserve to be in healthy relationships where the give and take is balanced. HUGS. I hope you feel better soon.

I started reading a book called Codependent No More, so far I'm really enjoying it.

Thanks phoenix, i am struggling and sometimes breakdown cause i miss him so much. Every thing in me wants to call and fix things but I know that 1 he doesn't even want me and 2 I was in an uncomfortable environment. I haven't called even though the thought of our good times and getting home to him after work eat me up. I hate filling the void with things I don't care about wheb I know where my heart is.

Hey Jmit, how you doing today?