If you aren't trying to contact her....to apologize....to tell her you love her.....just because you think you are blocked.....then you aren't doing everything you can.

I want to but I'm scared of what may or may not happen. This is all so fresh just a week old. I have so much to tell her and may do so but I am scared I will push too much and push this more into a lost area where I never see her again. I'm not trying to play any games I want to be upfront wth her and after the last convo we had like I said it was up and down there is just still something there I think it or maybe I think there is.

Keep your head up. All you can do is try. Get help. Here is a good place, but just the start. IC and group are good. Find out what/why and be honest with her. If it was meant to be, it will be. Prayers.

Check out Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness program online. It may work for your situation.

I totally can relate to you I walked away from the love of my life 2 months ago and most days I miss him like mad. Today is one of the worst days; how I miss him, how we could have it all....., So hang in there..... because I am hanging in there with you and I know your pain. Hugs. xx

Tahnita If I may ask if you miss him would you go back? Or is there too much damage? I guess I am wondering just bc I wonder how much she misses me and she is the one who walked away bc of my lies over stupid things...this all just seems surreal and has really hit me after the weekend and things that have been said and done. Nothing bad of course but it was confusing I guess I just wonder if she is feeling as you are.

I went back to him several times over the course of almost 5 years - our dramas were pretty intense and I am ashamed of myself for putting myself through such treatments over and over. I believe each relationship is very unique so it is hard to say and I do not want to give you a false hope. I remember the intense pain in my stomach each break up - I was writhing in pain almost literally for months each time Even though I was the one who did the leavings. This time there is no going back for me, can't do it all over again. Yes, it is as painful the the leaver.... guilt for the leaving and I guess the pain of rejection from the leavee - but at the end of the day it is equally painful, I would guess. The loneliness, the abrupt change at every level of your life. The sleep pattern or lack of. It is horrible. I was suppressing feelings as much as I could for 2 months and today it cracked. You should see my Swollen eyes right now - I cried inside and out, I feel like a powerless baby crying alone in a dark empty room. I feel hollow inside......and the same time filled with misery and broken heart and I don't know how will it get better or how long before it will. Please do feel free to talk to me....

Oh yes - my relationship was beyond damage....... beyond repairable by myself... I just realized it this time.

Thank you for the kind words I just am so lost the last 24 hours have just been hard and I miss her.

I miss him too. In my case he was a hoarder and OCD person. All the rest was great. Let out your pain, this is the closing of a chapter, not the end of the book.

I just want to fix it...the next chapter I know is supposed to be with her the whole book should be with and has been with her. I keep it all in all day at work bc I have to I have to focus and "be strong" so my staff doesn't see. By the time I get home I just cry and think. I am trying to be ok but this book should still be going if I wasn't so stupid...she deserves the world and I was too insecure and foolish lying like a child about insignificant things. :(((