Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
well, I find myself in a bad situation with this man yet again. Found out about a month ago I was pregnant with our second child. I didn’t tell my boyfriend until a few days ago. They day after he told me he thought it best if he moved out was when I found out I was pregnant, so I just didn’t want to even tell him. During the last month I have gone back in forth in my head of giving the baby up, or keeping it, knowing he would react negatively to the news. I went through the month with this pregnancy knowledge by myself. I went to an abortion clinic at one point. I heard our baby’s heartbeat and have seen it grow over the last few weeks. I am now 11 weeks and I don’t want to give my baby up. I finally came up with the strength to tell him. His reaction was “is it even mine”? Yes it is. Then what came next was him wanting me to have an abortion. He says he is 100% confident that I planned the pregnancy. Birth Control doesn’t just fail. He saw me take it each night before bed, but somehow I must have done something to make it not work. This will be my 4th child. 2 from past relationship and 2nd child with him. I wanted to get married, be solid with someone before I had anymore children. 4 is my max. At 34 years old raising 4 kids single was not really what I had in mind. I knew when this happened, he would Most likely leave or cause a fight to have reason to leave without it being directly related to this baby. Now I am faced with that I will most likely be a single mom of 4. The odds of ever finding a husband are looking mighty bleak for me and I am just sad and all over the place. It is pretty sad that the one comforting me as I cried my eyes out was my almost 2 year old saying no cry, it ok mama. Now I try to never cry in front of my children, my burdens are not theirs to bare, but I am breaking down worse than I ever have before. I just don’t know what to do.
I married at 17 and at 18 had my first son, foolishly I got involved with another man when my husband was overseas and when he returned when my son was just 18 months old I asked him for a divorce and married that man. Over the next 9 years I lived in hell. I had two more sons, so by the age of 22 I was a mother of 3 living with a man who beat me, disciplined my boys harshly and cruelly in my opinion. Whipped them with a belt at times until blood ran down their legs. The last straw was one night while he was drunk he held a 357 magnum to my head for 11 hours swearing he would kill me before morning, My babies were asleep in their rooms down the hall. Finally, he fell into a drunken sleep and I left our bedroom and prayed to God I could get me and my son's out safely. I was only 24 and had never worked and now faced with leaving with my three children having no idea if I could support them. I was at this time working part-time as a grocery clerk, making about 50.00 a week. But I knew if I stayed I may end up dead and my children without a mother. Well, doors opened and prayers were answered and for the next 9 years I worked two jobs one as a waitress and after a year apart I got a job as a bank teller for a large bank. By the grace of God and hard work and friends, as I also had no support from family that lived 3,000 miles away. After 9 years I met a man and thought he was an answer to my prayers. I became pregnant almost immediately at his request, At 2 months I came home and he was gone and I never saw him again. Now I am 31 pregnant and what am I going to do now. I can't support the 4th son and work as hard as I have been. Well, through my job God opened more doors and when my last son was 1 year old I was entering nursing school. The dean said that I had all the ability to be a really great nurse but I wouldn't make it because the program was very hard and I had so many strikes against me. I would have to work, had 4 kids as a single mother and my math was not good. Well, I replied yes but also these are the reasons I have to make it. Two years later and a lot of sleepless nights I graduated with my 4 son's cheering for me. By the time I graduated I was 34 and my sons were 16,11,9 and 3. I won't tell you it was an easy journey and that you won't have some struggles. What I pray I can impart to you as I suffered a great deal because I looked for affirmation and love in the wrong men and for the wrong reasons, doing so cost me a great deal and my children as well. All of my son's are grown now and have families of their own, and my prayer is that from my mistakes they have learned to manage their lives and families in better ways. My youngest son has a beautiful granddaughter that I cherish. My prayer for you is that please get yourself healthy, spiritually, emotionally and physically focus on healing your wounds and become the woman you are created to be. Focus on being there for your children and I pray you will find or have support from quality friends and family if not believe me you will learn just how strong you are as you focus on protecting and raising your children with security as best you can provide. My passion was to be a nurse as a little girl with all I had facing me I never dreamed I could accomplish that but I did and for 35 years had a wonderful career. I have remained single for the past 25 years and happier than ever in my life. Being married is wonderful when two healthy people discover who they are and don't seek marriage to fix themselves but to share with another their already healthy and vibrant life. We cannot give what we do not possess and it took many years and mistakes for me to learn this. I do hope and pray you will know this and know the answer is not in finding another man or marriage until you are able to stand on your own focused on being the best mother you can be and when you love again it won't be out of a need to complete you as you will already be complete. It is not about finding the right person, it is about becoming the right person so you are ready to receive a quality person to share your life with. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children, that you will be able to gain strength from my words and know while not easy when we have made decisions that make life much more difficult, but like myself I pray you will discover you can and will do it.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your kids. I am glad you do realize they are a blessing. Also...I don't think you should rule out ever finding someone and being happy. Just like myself, I do believe there are some men out there who realize they have missed out on a family and wished they had children. Not everyone will consider kids "baggage"
God bless.