People have posted on this before. It seems like most of the answers at that time, were it is not a good idea.
I feel every situation and people are different. If she was OK while you were married, I do not see any harm in chit chat. As you said, she is your kids grandmother.
The only things I would not mention is her daughter, or anything I didn't want her daughter to know. She may, on purpose or NOT slip and tell her daughter.
I wish you luck

I have been fortunate to have amazing ex-inlaws mostly. So within reason I keep in touch. When I have heard that one is sick or hurt I pop a generic email. I recognize their birthdays. They care about me too. We just keep boundaries around it all. No mention of the ex.
To me they are still family.

Thanks for answers, makes sense. We didn't discuss ex at all I could see how that wouldn't be constructive. She was really nice and reminded me after 24 years she will always consider me family so "I'm stuck with her" lol, made me a little sad though that's why I'm just wondering if it's healthy for me. Any forward progress is so awesome so I'm concerned about backsliding of course. Wow I am convinced divorce really sucks and touches so many lives. Now I'm getting a little teary eyed, kind of what I feared but like I said just ignoring her would be mean..ugh!

If it bothers you or hurts you then you can just say no to that. As long as she is not using you to get info or talk about your ex I don't see a real problem. Go with your gut.

When my first husband and I split, his father came to me and said he was sorry that his son was such a jerk and said he would help me in any way he could. And he did. We stayed close.

My current STBX and I are a little more complex and I am trying to be careful. My father and his father are friends and we have a lot of mutual friends. I restrict it to care and concern for them as they are elderly, and I care for them very much.

I am glad you brought this up, it made me really think about it.

Then I think about my STBX and my family. My brother would like to strangle him I think. My grandmother wrote him out of her will (Not sure why he was in it in the first place). He still has a key to my mother's house. He has been there more than I have over the last year. Hell he still has a key to my house. And I still have a key to his car. We need to get that crap taken care of.

Amy lol! I know these loose ends that keep popping up! My ex has keys to my house, garage etc so does her mother. I asked my daughter to grab them when she was over there couple weeks ago..bad move. Have to remember not to involve her in any of that stuff. Of course ex said she wanted more pictures that are hanging in the frontroom (she took all the pics of the kids down our hallway now wants the only framed ones I have left) then it got a little nasty so I figure if I have to I'll just change the damn locks. God after 24 years arguing about keys and pictures who could have written this nightmare?

Hey kbbcoop77yeah, I'd be careful with that one, real careful. Never know what is being said behind the scenes to your ex, and could well be a way of testing you out on the sly, even something your ex is setting upor it could be nothing. (Gawd I sound paranoidjust back off the spaceship from a little alien anal probing session, always makes me a little unsettled and walking funny - juuuust joking!), think the best advice would be to be nice, but not give away too much information but be friendly.

I am so trusting that I don't care about the keys I guess, which is ridiculous. My mom does not care about him having a key and we all know where she hides her key if we need to get in.

The loose ends are a pain. I can't even get him to respond about the divorce papers. Maybe if I steal his car I'll get his attention. ;) Just kidding. I don't want to go anywhere near that house.

I am sorry that your ex is being so mean about the photos. I have to say mine were kind about it. My biggest fight was with my first ex about whose albums/LP's were whose. I am old. :)
One loose end at a time is all I can do.
Hard to do that when the man won't even respond to a simple question. That being said, maybe he is in as much pain as I am, but I am not being emotional with him at all now. Just let's get this thing moving, and are you on the same page as I am about how to do it.

We just need to keep our boundaries and our sanity.

kbbcoop, That was nice of you to respond to your ex-MIL and take the opportunity to apologize. That sounds like good advice, to stick to boundaries and not discuss the ex when talking to ex-in-laws. I never got along with my (alcoholic, narcissistic) mother-in-law, so there's no question I will not be keeping in touch. She never cared about my kids, anyway. Divorce must be even harder for people who actually liked their in-laws. I am relieved to have certain ones out of my life for good.

My ex still spoke to my father after our divorce. It kind of bothered me, but then i realized that he was considered family to my dad, and that as long as things weren't really bad between me and the ex then it was ok. My ex has quite a few family member that friend me on
Facebook including his sister. Its not like we talk on a regular basis, but after being in a family for so long, its hard to turn a switch. For me, I think its a way of his family getting to see the kids. He seems not to take the kids around family anymore. Its always just him and his gf so Im their only way to see what is going on in the kids lives.

I think the key word is boundary. Just dont get caught saying anything negative about the ex and keeping things at a distance with the mil shouldnt be too bad.

Great advice everyone, thanks for your support and taking the time to answer. Boundaries sounds like the word here, makes perfect sense. My ex in laws actually live only 2-3 miles from me and my daughter goes over there with the ex time to time so friendly with boundaries sounds like the plan! Hard to believe 4 months ago this would never have crossed my mind I would need advice to talk to ex MIL wow life can sure throw a wicked curveball.

yeah, i don't know honestly. my soon to be ex in laws all seem to want to keep in touch w me. i know that several in his parents, especially his parents, maternal Gma, and one cousin, all thought i was heaven-sent. in many ways, i got/get along w them better than he did/does. his mom has said since day one that i was exactly the girl she'd have wanted for him. hmmm, maybe that's why he left me..

anyway, they want to keep me in their lives, mostly because of my son, i think. and also maybe because stbxh is kind of a douche and runs hot and cold w his own family. but it sure makes things awkward. they're nice enough, and i know one day i'll be glad for J to have that, but it's hard on me to play the role when i want to expunge him from my life right now. good luck to you in this situation, hugs to all.