I'm not still hurting over the divorce, but there are things that have taken me many many years to get over.

What do you think the issue is? I think many times we know are own issues, but are too scared of them to face them.

For me, the divorce broke me free of some of mine, and things that I didn't want to face for many years, I was suddenly able to.

Maybe all you are thinking about are the good times and the good memories. Can you concentrate on why it went bad? Maybe tell yourself daily he has moved on, and so am I.

Do you still have strong feelings for him?

I'm not sure it's necessarily obsessive love. I still think of my ex often, but it's because I was in an abusive relationship. So I learned to constantly try to figure out what his reaction would be to a given situation to try to prevent further abuse. I still do that, but then quickly discard the unwanted thought, and figure out what MY reaction is. It's a hard thing to lose when it was so deeply ingrained. It's been just over 2 years since our separation and 9 months since our divorce was finalized. If it were a more frequent thing, or more obsessive than that, I would check out counseling- EMDR therapy maybe. Good luck!

I meant to make this a journal entry - sorry.. I do appreciate your responses and to answer them: "I wish I knew what the issue was; yes, I seem to be focusing on the good times and memories; and, yes, I guess I still have strong feelings for him" - how stupid, he is remarried! Seems like those of us who were in abusive situations, whether physical or emotional (mine was emotional), have the hardest time letting go. Seems ironic to me.... thanks again.....

I highly recommend the book Spiritual Divorce by Debbie Ford... And any of her other books on "Shadow Work". It's helping me. But I know it's ridiculously hard. I can't even listen to music hardly because the love songs kill me (or try to, anyway, it seems like). "This too shall pass." I guess.

Hang in there.

I understand. It's a very confusing time, especially if you have been married for a long time. My wife asked me for a divorce almost two years ago. It will be final in 3 months. I still feel alone sometimes and I don't understand it. Anyway, it sounds like you need to do something to take your mind off of him, and the situation. I find that very helpful. Also, try to push thoughts of him out of your mind until they don't cause you anymore pain. I hope you have a great day.

i am just into the breakup(1 month) so the pain, anger, heartbreak and resentment is still there for me fresh. i am into therypy, spendin time with family and freinds help. she anounced she wanted a divorce a month ago then shacked up with her new boyfriend 2 days later. i believe she was having another affair with him before the breakup. it depends on the person but its still hurts for me.

wow. i can really relate to the title of this.
i havent read any of the other responses - so take what you want and toss the rest.

do you feel like you have come a long way from the previous you from a year ago? thats what i had to look at with my self. my divorce was final in august a year ago.
i also had to stop being in healing mode 24/7 and be in exisiting or living mode. that has helped a little, but still shines the light on other issues i need to work on. have you tried stepping back a bit?
tried to focus on your goals?

the other thing is, is a year really that long? who are you comparing it to? sometimes i feel this past year has been forever. i have felt every day. sometimes i feel like it flew by so fast.

i certainly have no right to give any advise - i am one hot mess that just feels broken apart and all i want to do is run away from the goals that ive set for myself to a safe haven with my friends. so please know that what i am saying comes from a good place - im not meaning any harm.

xoxo

In some ways I'm in the same situation. I had a hard six years prior to my divorce in 12/2010.
Somedays I think I can't move forward, what direction am I going in, and I always wonder, where is the end of this road I'm on.
Its hard to see the ex move along so easily, and being happy with someone else. Why isn't he suffering all these emotions.
Without knowing it I have come so far, mainly because every morning a new day begins. I feel as though I have healed, but then comes those 'days', and I know I'm still an emotional mess.
I don't want my ex back. Most of my thoughts, and hurts are trying to figure out my own future, and at times I don't think I have the strength to rebuild my life, but day by day my life is re-building itself.
I pray that you too will realize the progress you have made. Your strength will help you through these 'bad times', strength you didn't even know you had.
Keep reaching out here, or in your journal, even if you don't get answers, know that others understand, and are moving at the same pace you are.
I'm sending you (((Hugs))), prayers, comforting thoughts, understanding, love and friendship.