Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Cheezlos 10/12/2016

I'm 35 years old and was together with my 33 year old wife for 9 years and married for 4. Whe had it all, two beautiful kids (3 and 7 yrs. old), a big house, good jobs, and she was a beautiful woman with great values. We are in the final stages of divorce now. It has been 8 months since she filed for divorce and I moved out of the house. In this time we have sold the house and each moved into apartments near by, her with the kids and I am alone. It's been extremely hard on me because I caused her to divorce me with my constant insecurity and behavior. I should have been on antidepressant medication for a while but I didn't admit it to others or myself. She loved me I know that, and I loved her, but I would just keep pushing her buttons causing her to react. I guess it can be called mental and emotional abuse on my part. I threatened suicide twice, that was the final straw, she had enough. Now I'm more alone than ever in my tiny apartment with barely enough money to eat, after giving my soon to be ex money for the kids. Fighting with my wife through lawyers about money, and just being misrable without my family.

But my real problem is that I'm still very much in love with her. She was my first and only real love and I can not get over her. I'm on medication and seeing a therapist, trying to fix what's broke inside me. Deep down praying that my wife can one day give me another chance. I am so sorry for how I acted and never want to get to that place again. She is a very gentle and kind woman but can be very stubborn. She has given me countless chances, gone to therapy with me, asked me to get help, all before filing for divorce of course. Now she is cold, hardly talks or looks at me when were exchanging the kids for my visits. Our relationship has gotten worse since she filed because I am always asking her for a final chance, it annoyed her and pushes her even further always. When she did talk to me, she sometimes tells me and our kids that maybe one day if we can get along we can all live together again. I hold on to those words, perhaps to much. I still have hope that God needed this divorce had to happen to get me to go on medication and get help with my emotions, so I can come back and treat her like she should be and be an even better dad to my kids. Am I nuts? Should I let go? Or should I keep trying?

samantha717 10/12/2016

I think you should let go only because if nothing ever comes of it or if she meets someone else, you will be hurt all over again. From my perspective, that of being married to an emotionally abusive man for 23 years, even if he did get on medication and get therapy and became Mr. Wonderful, I would not go back with him. I couldn't trust that change to be permanent and I have suffered too much to take that risk. I am working very hard to heal. I couldn't throw it all away like that. Also, I think that even if I wanted to get back together with him at some point in the future, my family and friends would never accept him in view of all he's done to me over the years and throughout this divorce, and they would probably not be too happy with me either.

Cheezlos 10/12/2016

Thank you Samantha, part of me would like to move on but having to see her every weekend when she drops off the kids hurts. I guess I was emotionally abusive but it wasn't nearly as bad as it could be, it didn't happen all the time and it wasn't violent in anyway. I mostly questioned her love for me. Idk, maybe your right.

ltwist 10/12/2016

Aw Cheez, I'm really sorry for your heartbreak. Please turn your focus on yourself though....not the possibility of reuniting. While that could happen, it definitely won't if you don't take the proper steps to build up your esteem to a healthy level. I can relate to the depression and feeling not "good enough" for my partner. It caused me to act in ways I'm not proud of. But I've also been in an emotionally abusive relationship. I would never equate my actions as a result of esteem issues and depression with acts of emotional abuse. Please don't beat yourself up. You need to get those issues fixed....and they are very fixable with the right therapist and possibly meds.....for you and your kids and whatever relationship comes into your life in the future. Hang in there buddy!

Cheezlos 10/12/2016

Thank you itwist, that makes me feel better. I have been reading a lot of getting over a break up and how to get your ex back articals online and they all say I have to be %100 before I ever have any chance to get her or anyone to love me. Appreciate the advice.

mirandac 10/12/2016

Work on yourself and your issues. Heal and
Grow for yourself, not to get someone to love
You again. Once the relationship ends the
Chances are slim to ever realistically work
Again that is just the reality.

Get the best and healthiest for you and your
Children sake. Stay with your therapy, deal
With your depression and emotional issues,
join a Divorce care.org group. They will help
a lot with Your grieving and the divorce process.

Many of us on here don't like the word divorce
It has such a huge negative impact. I just Need
to heal, recover and move on. Its not been simple,
easy or quick. It takes lots of hard inner work. HUGS

samantha717 10/12/2016

It bothers me when you say that the emotional abuse wasn't as bad as it could have been. That is not for you to decide. That's for HER to decide. Apparently it was bad enough for her to want to leave you. Most of the divorced mothers I know did not just jump to divorce when things got a little uncomfortable in their marriages. When you have kids, you weigh every decision very carefully regarding how it is going to affect them. My own stbx has said much the same thing to me at times too ... that I was making too much of it or that I deserved it or that he's done XYZ for me. Those remarks totally turn me off because it's obvious by them that he doesn't get it and doesn't respect me (as if the abuse itself wasn't an obvious sign of disrespect in itself).

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