Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi group,
It's been almost a year since my last post. Even then I was still coming to terms with life after the divorce. Learning the ins and outs of my wants and desires in a partner are still on the front line of my progress. I've been dating and treading lightly into that scene. It's a completely different landscape now that I have more convictions about who I am and want I desire in a partner. When red flags arise I address them immediately. I don't want those issues popping up later and complicating emotions that may or may not formulate. It sometimes feels like a double edged sword...I feel I'm less tolerant and accepting to certain "flaws" and possibly being too concerning or not accepting enough. I'm admittedly still terrified of getting hurt again. I'm very critical of any details or suggestive ideas that someone may not being honest or truthful. I can't always decipher if what I'm experiencing emotionally is an actual current issue or if it's something I'm holding onto and bringing with me. I've become very analytical with conversations and behaviors in varying situations. Has anyone else experienced this? Am I not dealing with things properly? How do you guys and gals deal with these trust issues in new relationships? I have moments of clarity and feel very prepared and welcoming to a new relationship but once things get the least bit questionable, it's done. My mind takes control and I dissect everything until it makes sense.
thanks for reading everyone!
I can relate to what you're going through in terms of feeling emotionally "hot" and "cold". I went through very similar emotions eons ago after separating from some one I absolutely adored and thought was my forever. For me it took many years to let go and be ok. However, others that I have known seemed to have moved on within a couple of years and found new healthy love. No rush. My advise to you would be to simply feel what you're feeling and keep getting out and connecting with others whether that be on a friendly or romantic level or both. However, right now I wouldn't suggest jumping into a serious committed type of relationship because, although it may feel good to have some one to hold, in the long-term it may not help with healing your wounds and may just cause more damage emotionally.
It sounds like what you are going through though is all a part of the healing process. You were broken hearted after a divorce, and so now your brain and body are on high alert (flight or fight response) in order to protect you from being hurt again. The good news is that with time, and some commitment on your part, it'll get better :) I promise :)