Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Still feel disconnected

enfieldguy
enfieldguy

from my wife as we continue to try to make things work. It’s a horrible feeling and I’m such a codependent it’s awful. When one person in a marriage is okay and the other is codependent things are so hard. 

empty123
empty123
Hi,yes I feel for you here it’s exactly what I feel,my wife has betrayed the whole family and she was not just my wife but my rock.I have lost both in one hit and have 2 children (girls 13) upstairs just sitting in their room and not really engaging as a family with me,I love them they are my second rocks but they both being distant...
idontmakeherhapyenuf
idontmakeherhapyenuf
Hey buddy, I'm very familiar with those feelings you are struggling with. It is only natural that our wives who have made a decision to refocus on the marriage want everything related to their terrible betrayals to be behind everyone. It is much easier to ignore it all than to repeatedly have to wrestle with the fears and insecurities of their loving husband's. But we should not blame them as it is not done with any evil intent. Part of my problem and perhaps you are challenged with this is that I feel my path to healing and complete security is absolutely intertwined with her. If I am to have trust then she must earn it right? If I am to feel secure in her love then she must express it all the time and with over the top sincerity and passion. For me to believe in my wife she must in essence become a super wife, far better than she has ever come close to exhibiting. I mean look at what I've done for her over the years and how much I express my own trustworthiness and love for her.

But in my heart I know I am placing these expectations on her in a way similar to a wounded animal lashing out. I'm so used to being depressed and hurt that I am looking for ways to stay mired in it.

There is no doubt that we are the ones tasked with the heaviest burdens in our marriages. Not only are we to be the loving husband's that we are with all the effort that entails, but we must help our wives with their challenges in our marriages. So on a daily basis I have to catch myself from descending a negative path, breathe, and ask myself, do I want to be a self centered and entitked wounded soul who points at my wife and feels both self inflicted pain and high and mighty because of her shortcomings or do I want to pray for more strength to be that rock for her?

It is much harder than it sounds Bur in my heart I know what I have to do.

Blessings to you and strength for fighting the good fight, brother.