Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I felt I needed closure. I really didn't, I was giving myself an excuse to talk to her. However, things were said and I realized something; I didn't know this person anymore. I never knew the person I loved could be so....I don't know. It was an eye opener.
I have learned a lot over the past three years. Well, I was married before this break-up. Have(Had) two kids in relationship in which I also found out many of the same things. Which makes you wonder why it hits me so hard every time?
I still feel sad. Of course. She is not there anymore. There is a void that I can no longer fill. A loneliness that hurts. I wanted these relationships to end. I just never wanted to make them feel bad. Which was my problem. Now I know it's healthier to part (as amicably) as possible. The closure came at a cost with my last relationship. We said things. Although what I said wasn't untrue in the least; it still made me feel bad. She hid behind a wall of anger. Pushed blame everywhere, but on herself. Called me names. Said I cheated on her. Just trying to convince herself I was bad.
I guess this post is more of a confused question than a personal experience post. Or both. I've often wondered why exactly people must resort to this. I know it's more than likely a way to use anger as a buffer, but how does this fix the problem? I'm sure down the line she will feel bad, but I really don't care. I have already forgiven her.
Well. This post makes no sense. I think I was thinking of several things at once and adding them randomly, but it feels good to be getting better. I really did need the closure. Her actions just further made me realize that she was that way the whole time we spent together. I often wonder why when I got those feelings I wanted to leave; why I just didn't break it off then. I wanted to so many times, but I started feeling bad for her. Every time I led a discussion toward that way she would make me feel bad. Often times quoting she would kill herself if I ever left her. On that note. She knew I still had trauma from when my brother took his life over his ex-girlfriend.
I guess this is an important life lesson. If you feel the need to leave. Just leave. Do not let it culminate in something bad. It still nags me that she went a full 180, but in the end; I did find my closure. I know she was never good for me. I know our relationship was not at the same maturity level. It will get better.
I have learned a lot over the past three years. Well, I was married before this break-up. Have(Had) two kids in relationship in which I also found out many of the same things. Which makes you wonder why it hits me so hard every time?
I still feel sad. Of course. She is not there anymore. There is a void that I can no longer fill. A loneliness that hurts. I wanted these relationships to end. I just never wanted to make them feel bad. Which was my problem. Now I know it's healthier to part (as amicably) as possible. The closure came at a cost with my last relationship. We said things. Although what I said wasn't untrue in the least; it still made me feel bad. She hid behind a wall of anger. Pushed blame everywhere, but on herself. Called me names. Said I cheated on her. Just trying to convince herself I was bad.
I guess this post is more of a confused question than a personal experience post. Or both. I've often wondered why exactly people must resort to this. I know it's more than likely a way to use anger as a buffer, but how does this fix the problem? I'm sure down the line she will feel bad, but I really don't care. I have already forgiven her.
Well. This post makes no sense. I think I was thinking of several things at once and adding them randomly, but it feels good to be getting better. I really did need the closure. Her actions just further made me realize that she was that way the whole time we spent together. I often wonder why when I got those feelings I wanted to leave; why I just didn't break it off then. I wanted to so many times, but I started feeling bad for her. Every time I led a discussion toward that way she would make me feel bad. Often times quoting she would kill herself if I ever left her. On that note. She knew I still had trauma from when my brother took his life over his ex-girlfriend.
I guess this is an important life lesson. If you feel the need to leave. Just leave. Do not let it culminate in something bad. It still nags me that she went a full 180, but in the end; I did find my closure. I know she was never good for me. I know our relationship was not at the same maturity level. It will get better.
Luckily it didn't go that far with my ex-girlfriend, but she used my past experiences against me to make me stay. I often wondered if she did so until she could convince herself to leave me at the last possible second. I led the conversation that way not long before the end. She convinced me somehow to think about it. Then she dropped it all on me. Then the wall of anger thing.
That's exactly how I feel now. Except for the ...I don't know part. I know, and it makes me sad. I never knew that the man I loved so much could treat me so cruelly and lie to me so much. I have moved past the sad phase, now I'm in the pissed off phase, and soon I will have my own closure. Emotional manipulation, on either side...is never a good thing. I did things that were wrong, eventually copped to them and we tried to work it out. But he started using that as an excuse to treat me poorly whenever it suited him and on and on. There comes a time where we do need to walk away as you stated. Its just very hard to do so. But...if were fortunate enough...we see it for what it really is now vs. possibly clinging to the good of what was or what we hope it still could be. Wasted time usually.
And as far as why they do this? The blaming and whatnot....for him, which I didn't realize until later...it was more his guilty conscious showing up more than anything. It was easier to point the finger at me than own his own truth and be honest with me. He just couldn't do it after a certain point. Again....I made mistakes too...but there comes a point where you either learn and grow and FORGIVE as a couple, or you don't. And some don't but they still pretend that they are in their own deluded way.
When we can finally step back out of the shit storm, and the air starts to clear and we can breathe again...that's when clarity starts to seep in and you can see it for what it really was usually. At least that's how it worked for me...still was a battle to not get sucked back in...but the more you can stay away and not play into the emotional mind games and BS - the better off you are, and the more healing and getting on with your life can take place.