it takes as long as it takes, there is no time-line that you should be on, you not ahead nor behind schedule
it doesn't have anything to do with being a weak or strong person
it is okay to be where you are, you understand that you don't want to stay there, that is progress

Chances are you have progressed but there's still some residual feeling ..my wife cheated and left after 20+ years and this was 3 years ago. It took me at least 2 years to really starting feeling normal but there is still hurt there. If I'm alone and have some drinks it can return, not nearly as bad as the early days but we were together a long time, it's gonna take time. Personally I'm beginning to think I should think about dating again, maybe you should too. I know when I was younger that dating after a breakup certainly helped.

It hurts but I've been told it gets better. I'm not through divorce as yet even so there are new lows for me to reach even yet. At 61 I'm wondering what it's called, if dating is the right term cause dammit I feel pretty dated already. For me my strongest moments are those when people tell me I'm strong and the strongest I feel is the urge to cry out and protest that I'm not at all strong.

Did you try or went through therapy? I'm asking because maybe you're not properly healed and/or there's more open pestering wound like childhood issues (like abandonment?).

I also know there are people around here that still experiencing pain even after years after divorce/break up.

I hope you feel better and happy soon. Hugs

That is exactly how I feel. And I have been to therapy and I workout I try to keep myself from not thinking and always busy and guess what some days I cry more than others but I'm ok and We'll be ok!!! One day you are going to wake up without any more pain and anger and you'll be happy with this new life

Like everyone has said, it all depends upon you and your unique circumstances. If you knew the breakup was coming, or initiated it, you might be further along than if you were on the other side. If you wanted to fight for the marriage and go to therapy with the ex but he didn't, or only half assed tried, maybe you haven't given up the ghost entirely yet and you're stuck. Keeping busy and working out is great for your mind and body, but don't forget that you need to understand yourself a little better to truly figure out where you are and how you're feeling. Don't push thoughts away because they are painful - they just might be the stepping stones to the end of the tunnel.

Thank you all for your comments. I appreciate your input. This break up has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with mentally and emotionally. I don't know what it's going to take to be healed. Its a struggle that just never seems to go away. I function because I have to but Im in robot mode. Not invested in anything. I cant date. Im not feeling it and I dont want to put anyone through any nonsense and wasted time. Do I wish for a partner? A part of me wishes I could. But I don't think I can get passed this to a place where I can be a good partner for someone. I feel like a "ruined" woman. And this is not a pity party, Its just coming to a realization of the new norm that Im living in. All I can do is continue to pray. God help me!

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. The pain, detachment and limbo you're experiencing is often partly of our own doing. We keep ourself in this place because it's more comfortable than administering the changes necessary to move forwards, as that requires real courage. We all do it to some extent after a breakup, become part hermit, believing it to be an easier existence, and avoid the matter altogether.

You may be carrying and holding onto misconceptions about your breakup and spouse that are holding you back from healing, and moving out of the stage of grief. Without coming through this process, one often continues to feel lethargic about life, robbing you of true joy, and that's no way to live. Have you sought any therapy to help you process this?

Wishing you well.

There are no words to sugarcoat how you feel; how long it will be til you feel normal again. I was thinking about that today - how will I ever feel normal again without my man? There is no normal life ahead and I either pray that the Lord brings us back together, or I pray that He gets me out of this misery of hurt. A year and you are still hurting, I know, honey. Even another year may not even cut it. But, the good thing is you have us, a group of people that either have or are going through the same thing and we will never tie of supporting one another. I'll be praying for you and all of us, that we can seek reason in our broken hearts and give thanks for the support we are able to give and receive.

Yeah sorry then don't date it's probably too early but that's ok, it takes as long as it takes to feel better. It's not surprising you're still hurting after a year..it really did take 2 for me to REALLY actually start feeling half assed normal. Just hang in there. One day at a time and you'll get there. Time really does wonders

Sorry your still going through this hard time. Lenoire is right...it's so much easier to become a hermit after a breakup. I still continue to force myself to do things. I have plenty of days where I just don't want to do anything.

I came on here 8 months ago and everyone said this would take time. Boy were they right. I have come a long way since but still have a ways to go and I know...it's going to take time.

Keep going to counseling, divorce group, these things help. You will get your breakthrough. I believe going through this, people just don't get that one breakthrough moment, but rather little ones at a time. In the end, they all add up to eventual healing. Look back at where you were a year ago. You are better now then you were on day one...you have improved. Keep working and stay strong
-HUGS-

I recommend this book call Forgiveness- how to make peace with your past and get on with your life. It gives really good exercises to practice forgivess for our good not necessarily for those that hurt us. The first thing is to want to heal, for me going to yoga, trying energy and sound healing, going to church, reading books about healing and exercising have helped me a lot. There were nights were I could not sleep and my chest hurt a lot like someone had stab me, it was horrible. But wanting to heal and taking action really helped me. I wish you the very best and don't give up.

I jumped into another married after my first divorce and now I'm going through the second divorce and healing for both. No words can describe how I feel.

Once again, I really appreciate everyone's advice. There's no advice like that of those who have been through or are going through what you are going through. Believe me you, I want so much to be healed of this. I fight everyday to not allow my thoughts to become obsessive, which most days they are. It's a battle because as much as I try to avoid it, there are triggers all around me. I have gotten rid of everything in my control that reminds me of him but because I shared so much of my life with him it's hard to avoid the memories that are attached to even the smallest of things. Living this new reality has been a daily challenge and I pray everyday to be freed of this. But until then, I pray for the strength to just get through the day. I hope that you all, my fellow warriors in the battle, continue to push forward through your plights. God help us!