Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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onedayatatimeforme 03/16/2017

I have been married for 24 years and in those years my stbx who was my first love and my first for many many things , we met when we were teenagers married at 21 and started our family with two amazing kids 6 years into the marriage ( kids are now 17 and 20) stbx had several affairs that he claims for attention and I agree as he is not comfortable with himself but if given the chance to act I have no doubt he would. Well I came accross a site" profile of the sociopath" that a friend told me to look at she has known stbx for years as well. This complete information about sociopath fits him 100 percent it is as if the information is about him because the detail just explains it as it is seen more in men than women and a few things that cought my eye right away is a socipath does not feel pain like we do , they do not have regret or feel bad for their actions and will say and do anything to get what they want and are easy to move on after all they don't hold feelings like we do. I am just so taken back after reading the research and profiles by Doctors it is just wow . I know my stbx is a narcissit which in most cases sociopath is included. This just explains so much of everything that he has done and repeated time and time again with no remorse no regret no nothing even when cought . It is just mind blowing to me and I suggest to anyone to at least read it . I am not saying that everyone is a sociopath , I am however saying that many of us here ask why does my stbx not get it, have feelings, no regret no nothing . Type in Profile of the sociopath and read it , I would not wish this on anyone but as I am going through the healing process I find that the more information that I have the easier it is to understand which will erase the why. I am not happy to say my stbx is a sociopath but my gosh I can not begin to explain while reading about it was like I was reading about my stbx and it is bitter sweet . We have to do what is best for us to move forward and not stay stuck . It is not fair for us to ask why while the partner moves on and forward as if nothing happend and they did no wrong. Its worth the time to read. I hope and wish all of you are doing well and if not well then at least better today than yesterday.

Singlemommom 03/16/2017

Thanks I am going to read about it. My Stbx is a narcissists and I have been reading and listening to you tube videos. My therapist said he is a sociopath but I never looked into it. Like you l was married for a long time...32 yrs...3 kids. I found out he has been cheating, going to massage palors and hookers. No remorse what so ever. Hang in there. Sorry you are going thru this journey.

onedayatatimeforme 03/16/2017

Singlemommom thank you for your reply , I am so sorry that you are also going through this, this is draining on emotions and time and sleep but understanding the why is helpful . I had friends and family tell me that my stbx is a sociopath and what I thought it was I refused to see or read or look into it but now that I have it just explains so much. It is not something I would point the finger at him and call him a sociopath because those that are sociopaths do not see their reflection when they look in the mirror they only see the other person the one they blame and insult and pin everything they did wrong on they do not see what we do. I believe that I married for the right reasons and I brought two amazing kids into the world for the right reasons and now going through a divorce for the right reasons. This is a journey that I never thought I would enter but I am glad my friend pointed this out to me and that I read about it on several sites . It is just mind blowing that I did not see it for 24 years . I guess better late than never. I wish you the best and stay strong and keep your head high. Hugs

onedayatatimeforme 03/16/2017

ChelseaLeigh Thank you for your response and kind words, I would have never thought that a simple post of my stbx reflection would open the eyes of others but that was my intention to bring attention to what defines a sociopath . You explained most of it in your response so that will also bring attention to those like us that are looking for answers for the right reasons and that is to move on. I am just blown away and as it is still sinking in I have read that the best thing to do is go cold turkey with a sociopath but with kids involved there has to be some means of contact and on several sites it explains how to communicate with a sociopath and do not engage because a sociopath gets their high off of it. I wish you the best and I am sorry that you are also going through this but with the right information can and will lead us to a faster healing and to move on to what we all want and deserve a happy healthy life with no egg shells to walk on just sandy beaches. Hugs

onedayatatimeforme 03/16/2017

It is amazing that we are put in situations that we were aware of but ignored for the purpose of love and hope and the spouse will get better if we do better but in reality we were just pausing our future. I wish I did not stay as long as I did but in a sense I am glad that I did because I am better, stronger and smarter so what my stbx has done and put me through has made me stronger and smarter with more attitude but in a good way. My friend asked me would I have wished I was a sociopath so I would not feel pain and regret and can move on without a 2nd thought and she was kidding when she asked me that question, but I told her no I would not want to feel pain or hurt or regret because then I would be doing what stbx is doing and that is continue to hurt people and use them. We will get through this one day at a time we will all get through this. Positive thoughts bring positive results.

onedayatatimeforme 03/20/2017

ChelseaLeigh I am glad that to hear what I posted brings some sense of understanding to you as it has for me . In a sense I still do not understand my stbx and how but that is because like you I am normal and I could not even think to do what he has because I know it is wrong and how it would effect others. I do the same as you do and that is when I find myself falling into the anger and regret and I just want to call stbx and give him a piece of my mind I know deep down I have a better chance talking to a wall than I would with him . I wish you the best and I hope that even with the bad days that you have more good days to help you move forward for what is right for you and for your happiness.

Dandelion 03/20/2017

I didn't read all the replies.

Listen, everyone isn't a sociopath or a narcissist.

Because someone may be checked out whatever and not give a damn doesn't make them a sociopath.

If you went through the DSM, you'd probably find 150 psychiatric conditions to diagnose him with that he "fits to a T".

Diagnosis should be left to professionals.

That being said, what difference does it make?

Does it make you feel better because he can be the one with the problem?

I just think energies are better spent building oneself up instead of tearing someone else down

Focusing on my ex just kept me from living my life.

Because the truth is, unless someone's breaking the law, they have every right to be a narcissist, sociopath or whatever else.

The only thing you can do is say "this relationship isn't acceptable to me" and change your life.

onedayatatimeforme 03/20/2017

Dandelion Thank you for the reply and you are right it is a waste of time and energy to put a title on someone because it does not matter what they are is what matters is how the other person deals with it. In my case it is helpful to me to know that my stbx is a narcissist , sociopath because that explains the why that he can not answer. Example why or how could someone lie so much and have affairs and hurt those that they claim to love , it is not as easy as some say " who cares is what matters they did lie and cheat and move on " Moving on starts with finding out our own answers and as I am not proud of my findings with stbx and I am not proud that Doctors have said yes he is Bipolar and other things but it helps me understand the why and how. If you went to the doctor because you have a concern with energy, not eating, a cough or stuffy nose you want to have it treated and you want to know what is going on so you see the Doctor so you can say " oh ok well that explains it" well my findings that fit stbx to a T is what explains it to me to move on and forward. Thank you again for your reply :)

raindrop 03/20/2017

Onedayatatimeforme,
I see a lot of similarity in our life circumstances. My kids are younger, 12 and 16. Like you, I googled about each and every mental and psychological problems to find out an answer of what was wrong with my husband. It didn't help me heal. I was putting too much attention and energy on him and figuring him out. I did everything possible to help my husband but it's impossible to help someone who doesn't think that needs help. He is a marijuana addict and in denial of his bipolar. I am getting therapy because the things I found out about him broke me in to pieces. He left me and the kids and where I live I have no family or support. I had to laugh for my kids and look strong and in charge. I got to know myself better with all the pain I went through. My faith in God, helped me. We can't diagnose anybody and we should leave it to the professionals. Trying to figure out what is wrong with them, is a waste of energy. The energy that we could spend on our healing and our kids.

onedayatatimeforme 03/21/2017

Raindrop thank you and I agree with what your saying with the exception of leaving it up to the professionals. As the saying goes you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink. Well I lead stbx to the pro's but I could not make him take their advise and now that he knows that the Doctors do not see what he does and concluded he does need medication he has not interest to return after all why should he when he is not getting what he wants. In my situation it is helpful to have something that explains some of the why and how which for me was not a waste of time if it did help explain some things. I do however agree with you on things that are a waste of time and effort as that time should and could be placed to other things that are positive . I have always said with the negative there is always a positive and in my situation the negative was spending time on answering the why and how and the positive is I feel that I have more answers today than I did several years ago which also gives me the push to move forward on the path the happiness and health in mind body and soul.

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