I want to move to that state, where is it located on the map? Do they have a need for teachers there?

I just brought my camper there but I am thinking about building a brick house since I will be here for what I think is a long LONG time...

Rman what you are feeling is normal. I do think that perhaps you need a change.. something to "jolt" you out of this funk.

Perhaps its remaining sedentary, perhaps its a touch of depression. You have talked a lot about the difficult feelings of being in your home with your wife. Hearing her.. and hoping that she doesn't come into your room, etc.

In my humble opinion, I think that if you remain in this "walking on pins and needles.. getting nervous when the weeekend rolls around" state of mind, that you wont' heal. or grow.. or change or whatever you want to call it. You still can't even breath deeply and let it out in the situation you are in. Shallow breaths all the time.

Perhaps a change.. moving out.. taking some steps are what is needed to move up and out of this state of limbo.

Hugs to you friend. Good Morning.

"walking on pins and needles.. getting nervous when the weeekend rolls around"

OMG I hate the weekends...the best time of the week for me is Sunday night when I get to go to bed and know I made it through another weekend - Peace Rman - you are NOT alone!

*sitting in my smoking jacket with pipe in big comfy chair"

I like here. Where else can I go and get all this pain for free?

Idk, I want so badly to move on, but I still have to talk to him everyday and he won't let me. I think i'm out of limbo back again. its a dumb cycle! Do you have more good than bad days?

I agree with you Rman. I have been inlimbo for a year now. It hurts like crazy. And I feel stuck too. however I recently made myself put up a time line to be proactive to get things done. I now have a list and an actual date for when I am supposed to be finished with these things. The date scares me but has helped in jump starting doing what I know I need to do.

I was doing all right and then I fell head first into the state of limbo. It's a temporary thing. Take some steps, even baby ones to move towards the border of that state. Walking on pins and needles, eggshells, waiting for the other shoe to drop is no way to live. Trust me, I know.

I agree with Jenny, living in the same house with your wife is slowing your healing process. That might mean taking an efficiency apartment for a bit, or having a room mate. In the end, I think the sacrifice would be worth it, your sanity and healing.

Something that has got me thinking creatively...I've been reading 20 wishes by Debbie Macomber, fiction book. I absolutely love it! These widowed women in a book club start writing down their wishes for things they want to do, see, become and they start working on their 20 wishes.

I wrote down 12 wishes and I've made 2 of them happen already. Something about seeing it in writing makes it more attainable.

I am stuck. Have been for over a year. It is difficult to "start" life, and I use that description as I feel like I am just plodding along to get through each day. It is tough with small children too, as there isn't much time for oneself. I know, I know, we have to make that time... I know that. Knowing it and accomplishing it are two different tasks.

So here we are. *sigh*

I can't imagine being in the same house. We did it for 2 months and when he finally moved out the stress relief was immediate. I didn't even realize how bad it was while in it. I am in limbo because I know that I am in the house until next summer when I'll be in a position financially to buy my own place. Until then I can't make any BIG moves but I am sure as hell making lots of little ones:
1. moved the furniture to the way I want it
2. going to Disney w/a friend I haven't seen or heard from in 37 years
3. trying yoga
4. figuring out how to take care of this place on my own
5. saving money (one is really cheaper, believe me)
Hopefully all of these little steps will get me to big ones and to a life of my own. I know it won't happen quickly but you have to make moves to make progress. Hugs to you.

I totally get what you are saying, 100%