I am so very sorry. The same thing happened to me years ago. You just have to be more careful who you tell things to and unfortunately sometimes it is like you say----There is no one you can totally trust with your secrets. I am sorry.
(((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry Johnzilla. Unfortunately, some friends see a breakup and divorce as an opportunity to "get in" with the other spouse and they will be a friend to your face and behind your back carry everything you say to the other spouse. It doesn't mean you are a bad person, it just means that you can't talk this out with friends.

When I was divorcing during my first marriage, stories were going back to STBX's attorney. I had to ferret the weasel out. I concocted five juicy different fake stories for my five different friends and told each separately that they couldn't tell anybody--not even the other friends.

Sure enough the one fake story got spouted by my STBX's attorney and when I got together with the 5 friends, I really ripped that one friend apart and told her how I knew, all in front of the other friends. I never spoke to her again and all the other friends knew what she had done. Keep that method in mind and it's a way to ferret out weasels.

I'm so sorry John. I understand all too well the pain from being betrayed by someone you thought could be trusted. Unfortunately you're going to have to make a difficult decision as to whether or not you want to keep this person as a friend.

They made that decision for me... No longer... This past week has really brought back the black joke that I thought I was past. Guess I'm just going to have to start writing my thoughts out and then destroy them rather than risk more betrayal. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take

Black hole.. F'ing autocorrect bs

Big bear hugs Johnzilla. So sorry you are going through this. I know the days and hours feel so lonely and complex. And sometimes dealing with people who know nothing is the best but when your heart aches the most - having 1 or 2 people to safely share your deepest thoughts with and who knows your X even a bit helps. To have that person not understand the trust you had in them heartbreaking. Maybe they were trying to help you by sharing information with your x but if that is the case, they should have talked to you first to know if that is what you wanted and that the timing was right for you. People dont always understand this whole thing is not like when we were back in high school. This heartbreak is deep / ripping of flesh. Unless they have been through it very hard for them to understand and each breakup is unique very few are the same. So hard for your friend to put themselves in your boots (the muck is too thick for shoes). Im sure they would feel awful if they knew how you are feeling now. Deep breaths . . .

asTimeGoesBy - brilliant. I need a "rewind" back to my DDay month and you by my side :-)

I don't know what the motive was, all I know that I was betrayed big time by someone I trusted. I feel so low right now as a result that I don't know how long it's going to take to see daylight again.

That sucks! I wonder if he is interested in your STBX romantically. You really learn a lot about people when going through tough times.

Oh J - yes - you were so very betrayed. It sure does hurt like hell - if you are ok with it - just pull back from that person until you decide how they fit in your journey. You don't need to tell them specifically why now - it can wait until you figure it all out. If they contact you - just say firmly that you are busy and holding. They will "read" between the lines.

Daylight - you need to dig deep on this one. The person was wrong. They may never apologize/get it - but you need to put it aside and move on or it will be another thing that zaps your positive energy. Other posters will say it better than I do - but turn and walk away . . . head held high, shoulders snapped back - walk with attitude and righteousness. That you deserve to do for yourself!

Tammi.....it was a female...someone I'd known for a long time..

Oh I see. I'm not sure why I assumed it was a male. There are good people out there. You seem to have more than your fair share of imposters! I'm sorry. This too shall pass. I have been away from this site for a while due to disease but I have been wondering about you and specifically about the gal you went dancing with. I hope all is well besides the recent betrayal!

We still keep in touch but decided that the distance was going to be too much for anything more which is fine. We still care for each other and plan to do more stuff down the road (dancing, ball games, etc) but just as friends and neither of us have a problem with that.

My problem now is with the ex and my now ex-friend. Everything I said in confidence made it's way to her. It's like I had wrote it and gave it to her myself. It still boggles my mind how easily I was thrown away after ten years of being married. I told her this afternoon that I broke a heart to take her back and if I'd known how it was going to turn out that I would have turned away from her. For some reason, she never replied to that..

I know exactly what you mean by actions boggling your mind. Some people just seem to be cut from a different mold than we are. It boggles my mind that my spouse would sneak around to pursue a subordinate at work. He left a huge paper trail so she will forever hold the power to get him fired. What boggles my mind the most is that he was in total shock when I dumped him. Nuts I tell you, NUTS! Take care John. I am looking forward to reading your posts you write when you are feeling encouraged. I know you will get back to that place. You got this!

Tammi

betraying a confidence that you had with someone can surely cut deep; especially when it comes to something of such a personal nature. If you are anything like me, you choose who you trust. That when you open up and reach out to someone and let them in you have faith and a belief that they will always have your best interest at heart. So to only have them put something you said or about you in general on blast, let alone to the person you are struggling with, just doesn't sit well and in some cases, really can burn that bond you may have had with that person.

You can handle it many ways. One way can be by going cold and cutting communication. You can also confront them. But one thing to keep in mind, is that you don't know the interaction that occured that caused this person to share some of what you had talked about. You also don't know how much this person said and how much was added on or assumed by your stbx. Meaning, your friend could have said, "Yeh, I know that he ..." and your stbx added on all the extra that can be assumed from that one statement. Then its your reaction to your stbx, that would only confirm the rest of it. So while I would say, its best to not go on the counter attack or defense when your stbx came to you with the information, talk to your friend first to see what really happened then handle the situation with your ex, we find that when we are in the moment, we react first and think logically second.

So now, you are here..

I guess if it was me, 3-4 years ago, shortly after my ex and I split, I would probably react and think the worse. Never talk to that person again. They would have been dead to me before I even knew what happened or why they said something. I guess now tho, I would confront the person, ask how they could say what they did and why. Now, how I confront someone I am still working on. I can be quite sharp-tongued when I think someone has gone out to hurt me. I guess its cus if anyone knows me, trust is a big deal to me and for someone to take what I told them in confidence, or say something about me in general, to anyone would certainly strike a chord in me. Not to mention, I would try my darn'dest to not do that to anyone. So I guess someone in me, I have something that expects those I do get close to to treat me as I would them, but that isn't always the case. Yet, I keep forgetting that.

So I would suggest you have to take a step back and breathe for a moment. Let the emotions subside. Then try to think logically about the situation. If this friend of yours has always had good intentions or support for you, then you may want to have that conversation with them and find out what happened, once you have calmed down. They may have had the best intentions. We have to remember that not everything is as we see it right when we see it. Then make your decision from that conversation. If you know for a fact that what your friend did was with the intent to hurt you, as that happens as well, then you really have no choice but to limit that persons interaction and participation in your life. They don't really have your best interest at heart in that case.

Sorry you find yourself here, I know how it stinks to feel betrayed.