Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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JaniceHayes 06/04/2013

I was/am very close with his Mom but, of course since the break up, I have kept my distance. I did call her Sunday night to tell her about my new job. The reason I did, is because she would sometimes stop in on her way to the bus stop or call. She lives like 2 blocks from my job. She was not home so, I left her message, stating I got a promotion and that I would no longer be at this location. She called me back yesterday and said sorry she missed my call and that she went down the cape for the day... I already knew the answer but of course I said, oh you M and T and she said no, me, M and the new one... meaning the new girlfriend. She said she misses me and that the new girl is not her Janice... aagggghh... She told me his Aunt asked him so, where did you meet this girl. No one is happy about the break up but, it is what it is.
Note to self, keep conversation lite.

deleted_user 06/04/2013

How about note to self - stop ALL contact with the ex and his family. You open yourself up to hurt when you contact people that have knowledge of him. It will only hurt you. You were doing so well in moving on. Keep at it.

JaniceHayes 06/04/2013

The only reason I did contact her and only her is because, she honestly lives two blocks from my job and would occassionally stop in or call. I did not want her to stop in or call and they tell her I that, I no longer work here. I wanted that to come from me...

Joanieslegacy 06/04/2013

Hi JaniceH, I don't know your background with your ex, but in the case of my ex, I had to go No Contact with not only him as he would do the lets stay friends, only to end up back to lovers, and break up with me again (usually whilst cheating with an on/off gf of his that he has had for years) and I also had to go NC with his best female friend as she would pull me in when he decided he wanted me back or she could go the other way and be nasty to me when he had an issue with me. His Mother was a nice person, but did end up telling me he was a con, a liar and had hurt many women in his life and she was genuinely sorry. I ended up changing my number and blocking anyone connected with him on facebook.
I guess I am just saying please protect yourself first and foremost. Whether those that know him do so intentionally or unintentionally, the information they give you about him, can only hurt you. At least thats the way I see it. I hope I am not out of line here, its just I struggled with this same thing for quite awhile and though I can't quite get him all the way out of my mind yet, not interacting with all these people is a bit less harmful in the long run I do believe.

deleted_user 06/04/2013

I get why you did it. But please remember - you need to take care of you first. Are her feelings worth more than yours? No. You are being polite to the point of hurting yourself. Don't sabotage your recovery. You're doing great!

JaniceHayes 06/04/2013

Thanks Joan, pretty much and overall, I have had minor contact with him. I am in a good place. No going back and forth at all. Thanks Cheryt, a little bit of a stinger yesterday, I must admit but, I will keep doing me. I do not talk to his Mom much at all anymore. I think the last time I contacted his Mom, was Mother's Day and I got her voicemail, which is what I had preferred... and she then left me a message thanking me for the Mother's day greeting. My feelings for him are not bad, we had a good 6 years. I just wish he didn't end it in the douche bag way he did..

Joanieslegacy 06/04/2013

Wow, 6 years, it must be hard for you. I admire your strength. With my last ex, it wasn't that the relationship overall was so long as the back and forth. So very destructive. I will never let anyone devalue me that way again. When its done, it needs to stay that way, thier loss.
I wish you the very best in moving forward and having a good life. :)

JaniceHayes 06/04/2013

Yes, 6 years, they were good, I must admit... However, I lost me, (not his fault, it is mine) and am getting me back. I am concentrating on me, losing weight, going to gym, working hardddddd and when the time comes, I hope to meet someone special.

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