Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Spent time with her this past weekend

timbob463
timbob463
It has been a very surreal weekend. She went to go see our marriage counselor by herself last week, and we talked afterward (Thursday). She said she would go to one more session with me, before she made up her mind about working things out. On Friday, she called to see if I was going to be handing out candy to kids. I said no, that I was tired and had to work in the morning, and that I just wasn't into the holiday this year. Later on she messaged me to tell me she and our daughter brought our grandson to our neighborhood to go Trick or treating. Not sure what that was all about. Saturday evening, she called to tell me about our other daughter, and we wound up meeting at a park to walk and talk and let the dogs play together for a while. (They have not seen each other in a couple weeks.) Our conversation was good. There was only a minimum of arguing and more communication. All in all, it was a good visit. Our church had started a new series on the Book of Solomon a week ago, and although we both saw it, we did not attend it together. Yesterday we attended the second week of the 5 week series together, and have agreed to see the rest together as well. It is a series directly related to marriage and the difficulties that come along, and how God can help us get through them. We went to breakfast afterward and then spent the next few hours just shopping together for stuff she needed for her new place. More talking, no arguing, just spending time together. Trying not to get my hopes up too high, but I know that God has a reason for all of this, and I will pray and trust in him. All in all, a good weekend.
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
It sounds to me like you are really banking on reconciliation? Not sure about your story, who broke up with who? What was the circumstances? I didnt see that info in your journal...without that Im not sure how to comment except to say I hope you find peace. BUT, if she initiated the break up and wanted out, I would be very careful with how you proceed with her unless she is clear about wanting to work on the marriage. Being friends with her when you are still hoping to get back together and she is done will cause you nothing but grief. I learned this the hard way, and no matter what the situation is, if only one wants to get back together, that person is in for some serious delay in healing if they keep company with the other. Good luck to you.
Justme2892
Justme2892
There was a calm after the storm of knowing I was completely done with my ex, and told him. My bottom line then, and now, is that he's my father's son. That doesn't mean he walks all over me (haha, it would be funny to see him try it, though), but it DOES mean that how I felt at a wife was smaller than my bigger picture, which was to raise my son in the best possible circumstances I was in. In doing that, I needed to make sure my relationship with his Dad is cohesive and in my son's best interests.

I don't know if she is experiencing the calm that comes after a tumultuously emotional time like trying to fight for a marriage, but I would proceed with eyes wide open.

It is very telling that in the midst of this wonderful weekend, you were helping her shop for her NEW place. Sounds like she is laying down roots and establishing a home of her own.
Justme2892
Justme2892
**Hahaha of course I meant he is my son's father, NOT my father's son....ummm....wow, that would put quite the unusual spin on things.
timbob463
timbob463
Actually, the things we were shopping for, had to do with our daughter and an illness that she has. It requires some modification to her bed so that she can sleep better. As for the counseling, it is to make sure that one way or the other, we will have closure in this. I am the kind of person that believes, no matter what, healing needs to take place. I hope for reconciliation, but I am not banking on it. It was just a change in the way we have been the last few months, and it was pleasant.
seeingthedawn
seeingthedawn
I understand why there will be folks here who are suspicious and warn of reconciliation...but it can and does happen. My wife and I split (her decision) after 20 years of marriage. No infidelity, addiction, or money issues. Just a classic mid-life "event/crisis" for her. We were apart and remain friends for 18 months.
The tone of our conversation changed late last winter and she admitted she had made a huge mistake. After counseling, long talks, and much prayer, we remarried last July.
Statistics show that about 1 in 10 long married couples who divorce get remarried. It's not that uncommon. Don't let the poison and disappointment of others here (understandably so in most cases) deter you from trying to mend the barriers and remake your family.
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
Poison and disappointment? Lol ok...just saying look at the statistics. Reconciliation may be possible but the odds of that are extremely rare. Good for the last poster if that happened but I would say even 1 in 10 is wishful thinking. At some point you have to think about yourself, the longer you remain in some state of hope once someone else has moved on the longer your healing will be. If you want to "wait it out" and are comfortable with that then more power to you, I really hope it works out. But the real poison is spending an eternity in a state of false hope. Good luck.