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soon to be ex wont leave me alone, HELP

oh1363
oh1363
together for almost 28 years. married for 21. he cheated on me and i caught them. he moved out a month later but refuses to leave me alone.
calls and text me almost everyday. sometimes its about the kids and sometimes not. comes by the house when ever he feels like it for no reason. keeps telling me he is "thinking" but all along still seeing her. everytime i tell him to stay away and leave us alone (our kids are 16 and 21) that is when he will start with the i was thinking bit and make me feel bad and like its all my fault. I would love to save our marriage and work things out cause i do still love him but i feel like i am just being used.
lookingforclosure
lookingforclosure
Has he shown any actual effort? "Thinking" is usually pretty effortless. When he left, was it because you told him to, or did he do it so that he could "think"? What's he "thinking" about? Is this other woman helping him "think"? Don't let him make you feel bad, check out chump lady.com, keep the conversations to nothing but the kids unless he gets rid of the OW. Don't even let him talk about where your relationship is going unless he's completely severed ties with her. If you show him any willingness to fix what he's done while he's still in contact with her, he will get it in his head that he can balance relationships with you both. Hugs to you...sorry to have to welcome you to this club.
refurb
refurb
He is using you
He will use you
He had been using you for a long time

My story is very similar except that it was my wife using me

He will use you and keep your emotions boogered up so you can't think straight as he calculates his path to the divorce settlement

Once he has that worked out in his head,
He'll still manipulate you as best he can

It is what he is inside

I'm sorry for your kids and you
broken234
broken234
I have been going through the same thing for months now. My husband is "thinking" too. But mostly he is thinking about when the next time he gets to see the OW. I know all too well how hard it is to draw and keep boundaries. But I guess we just keep trying. I for one am sick of being so nice. I will keep trying to find that balance for my kids sake. Don't let him fool you into believing that he is thinking about you and your relationship when he is with the OW. He is a liar and a cheat. He doesn't deserve your attention. Stay strong.