Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
For those of you that have kept up in some way with my breakup story that started some 3.5 months ago, you've known me to come in here and for the most part, I have complained and report things like "my heart is broken" or "I can't live without her" or "I can never love again if it's not her" and "I feel so bad, when will the pain end"!
Well for the first time I'm not even come close to saying any of the old stuff, for once here, and I'm finding this very hard and odd to say, but for some reason I'm not missing her half as much as I once did. These past several weeks have been fricking strange, I've been waking up less depressed about facing another day alone! I've been able to go through most of my day's now without obsessing to much about things like "I wonder what she's doing" or "I wonder if she's alright" or "I hope things are going okay now that she's back living with her parents" or "I wonder what she's feeling right now", that sort of thinking is starting to go away.
God, I never in a million years thought I'd say something like this, but if she was to come crawling back from under her rock back in Ohio, make the trip to me and crawl and beg for me to take here back, God, months ago I could only dream for that to happen, but now, it wouldn't be a dream come true, in many ways I've come to realize it would be a nightmare and I'd tell her "no"!
Also, something else strange is happening, and I'll be honest folks, for I really don;t even like reporting this, but up until a little over 2 weeks ago I could still remember what it felt like to have her with me, her face, her scent, her ways, and this pisses me off that this is happening because for a long while those were cherished feelings, but now, I'm having to expend more energy than normal to get anything close to feeling those original feelings.
When once I felt haunted, now I'm becoming mildly optimistic about my new freedoms. When once I could feel her, even at times inside my new home, a home I never shared with her, at times I could almost feel her here. Now, not so much, it's almost as if the ghosts of memory's past are losing their hold on me, almost if they are now slowing vaporizing into "nothingness"!
That might be the key word here......."nothingness"! I'm really not pissed off with her anymore, for where there was once supreme anger, there is now the feelings of sadness and shame for her, I now feel more sorry for her for making the choices she did and choosing to go back into a turbulent and domestically challenged world.
I don't know really what's going on with me, but as the days progress I'm noticing my need to be concerned about her is diminishing. My need to try and predict how she might be doing at any given time is diminishing. My hurt and pain levels that were born upon my breakup are lessening. My once perplexing needs to keep talking over and over and over again about the breakup and my need to trash talk her about it is diminishing.
I don't know, this is all very confusing to me, when at one time the hurt and the pain and the frustrations and the betrayal and my brokenness were all so very important to me to keep all that up and going. Now, I'm strangely finding where once it was my purpose in life to keep a death grip on my hate, now, my hands don;t want to grip the hate, their oddly looking towards gripping love again!
I just feel like a walking enigma right now, I really don't know what's happening to me, but I'm changing and I don't really know what I'm changing into, feels like uncharted territory if you ask me!
Thoughts would be nice, thank you!
Well for the first time I'm not even come close to saying any of the old stuff, for once here, and I'm finding this very hard and odd to say, but for some reason I'm not missing her half as much as I once did. These past several weeks have been fricking strange, I've been waking up less depressed about facing another day alone! I've been able to go through most of my day's now without obsessing to much about things like "I wonder what she's doing" or "I wonder if she's alright" or "I hope things are going okay now that she's back living with her parents" or "I wonder what she's feeling right now", that sort of thinking is starting to go away.
God, I never in a million years thought I'd say something like this, but if she was to come crawling back from under her rock back in Ohio, make the trip to me and crawl and beg for me to take here back, God, months ago I could only dream for that to happen, but now, it wouldn't be a dream come true, in many ways I've come to realize it would be a nightmare and I'd tell her "no"!
Also, something else strange is happening, and I'll be honest folks, for I really don;t even like reporting this, but up until a little over 2 weeks ago I could still remember what it felt like to have her with me, her face, her scent, her ways, and this pisses me off that this is happening because for a long while those were cherished feelings, but now, I'm having to expend more energy than normal to get anything close to feeling those original feelings.
When once I felt haunted, now I'm becoming mildly optimistic about my new freedoms. When once I could feel her, even at times inside my new home, a home I never shared with her, at times I could almost feel her here. Now, not so much, it's almost as if the ghosts of memory's past are losing their hold on me, almost if they are now slowing vaporizing into "nothingness"!
That might be the key word here......."nothingness"! I'm really not pissed off with her anymore, for where there was once supreme anger, there is now the feelings of sadness and shame for her, I now feel more sorry for her for making the choices she did and choosing to go back into a turbulent and domestically challenged world.
I don't know really what's going on with me, but as the days progress I'm noticing my need to be concerned about her is diminishing. My need to try and predict how she might be doing at any given time is diminishing. My hurt and pain levels that were born upon my breakup are lessening. My once perplexing needs to keep talking over and over and over again about the breakup and my need to trash talk her about it is diminishing.
I don't know, this is all very confusing to me, when at one time the hurt and the pain and the frustrations and the betrayal and my brokenness were all so very important to me to keep all that up and going. Now, I'm strangely finding where once it was my purpose in life to keep a death grip on my hate, now, my hands don;t want to grip the hate, their oddly looking towards gripping love again!
I just feel like a walking enigma right now, I really don't know what's happening to me, but I'm changing and I don't really know what I'm changing into, feels like uncharted territory if you ask me!
Thoughts would be nice, thank you!
Sometimes I'm jolted by how NOTHING we are to each other anymore. How his world is turning without me and mine is turning without him. Still shocks me considering how important we once were to each other.
Keep it up! We'll make it
I'm no where close to trying this again, a relationship with someone isn't as far away as it used to be, it's closer, but I'm in no hurry. I'm still getting help in my Codependency group here in town, helping me see all the 100's of "red flags" that I saw, but rather turned a blind eye to, I have to figure out why I did that first before I feel comfortable trying this again with someone new.
As the "fog" continues to lift, I am realizing that with my prior relationship I "sold myself short"! I settled and by doing so I tried to make some thing life long work with someone I just settled on, who wasn't what I had always envisioned my wife to be, she had a couple strengths, she has her moments, she made me laugh sometimes, she made me happy to have someone, but at the end of the day, I am realizing that she perhaps just wasn't that someone for me. I appreciate the good time that were shared, I appreciate her at least trying, I appreciate the small amounts of good that she brought into our relationship, but again, I just think she was the wrong someone for me!
Again thank you all, it is very much appreciated. :)