Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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gottabehercules 07/02/2016

I have always believed "marriage" was special. It elevated a relationship from "dating" to something beyond. To a safe and supportive state -- until death do us part. I have come to realize in my marriage we were just dating. It failed to launch as I would have hoped. She never got on board as I would have expected. She never understood our marriage created a new entity called the married couple and that entity was bigger and equally important to grow and mature than the both of us individually. It was all about her without compromise. I thought our marriage created a special union, working together, building a life together. At least that was my hope and understanding. Now that our marriage has unraveled I have after 11 months realized she and I didn't view things the same. She and I were "just dating" and now we have broken up and are having to deal with that silly paperwork which allows us to "officially" not date anymore. She is in a new relationship with someone, she broke our wedding vows, she had an affair, she committed adultery, she turned her back on me and our marriage, she sees me as the guy who she used to date but now has moved beyond and she like a little girl has asked me not to be mad at her. "Don't be mad at me". It's been 11 months since I moved out. She recently wrote me an email wanting to initiate the divorce processing since I really haven't been taking any action on it. I told her sure .... thanks for working the details. I feel like it is a high school break up. If I allow myself to believe we were just merely dating during our marriage .... a lot of the pain associated with the loss and expectations of what a marriage represents are gone and replaced with the sense of "things just didn't work out with her, let's break up and move on". It is much much easier to understand and let go. I have had dating relationships with many women in my life but I have only been married once. In my case, I realize that I was truly never married, by my definition. She does not have the mental capacity or emotionally maturity to understand what marriage is all about and that is not my problem anymore.

suzelder 07/02/2016

Wow gottabehercules, you have really captured some of my thoughts. I really like the way you have expressed that it was just "dating" to her. It does help to know that her idea of marriage is not the same as yours since it makes the loss of the "marriage dream of growing old together" easier to take. It sounds as if you are in a pretty good place of understanding and are dealing with this in a healthy way. I am trying to get to that place. Good luck to you.

mirandac 07/02/2016

Yes i believed in my marriage, he had other ideas and checked out. I still have a strong marital bond even after the divorce one day it will cease. Next time find someone who
Is emotionally mature and work on yourself as much as you can now so you dont fall
into the same trap again. I dont plan on dating until my picker is fixed and i am healed. HUGS

ChiTownBear 07/02/2016

I think people take marriage too lightly. Like its just another progression in a relationship and if it doesn't work, then you can end the marriage and move on to something that would be "better' for you. So yeh, its become just another phase in "dating". The problem is, not everyone has adapted to that new concept. Like you, I believe that marriage is a life time commitment that should be entered in to as a forever relationship, not a thing of the moment or just another phase in a relationship. Unfortunately, there are a majority that think differently. That it is just a piece of paper that is signed when you felt the way you did "at that time". Its a throw away, just like most other things. I am sorry you find yourself here, and that she is and was so careless in her decision with the marriage. Welcome to the group

mirandac 07/02/2016

Not everyone is emotionally mature and willing to be open and honest where they are truly are at in life. Some people just do not value the relationship and are bored and want new and exciting instead. A healthy marriage is between two emotionally healthy mature grownups, that are in it for the long haul and have each others backs. HUGS

ClearDay1 07/02/2016

I was married once, to the wrong guy, for 24 years.

I won't become involved with someone who I don't feel is long term commitment material and still believe in marriage.

It should not be entered into lightly- it's a contract between two people not a romantic fantasy.

I'm older now, and know myself better, but I never believed marriage was something I'd get myself into until I was bored, or until the grass looked greener.

Unfortunately, some do.

I'm sorry you have to go through this, but you know her values now and you're free to potentially find a partner who is better for you and shares your values.

I know I'm not ready, but like Miranda if and when I am the right person will appear.

gem111 07/02/2016

I feel exactly the same as Chi and he has expressed it very well.
It's to bad, but it is the sign of the times, instant gratification, with as little work as possible.

patti22 07/02/2016

I agree with Chi too.

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