Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So I'm thinking this horrible woman who cheated with my husband and is still married (they are divorcing) and has ruined my life should be accountable as well.
She has a 4 year old child and I feel like the father needs to know this woman cheated on him (I don't think he's knows her affair with my ex caused her to leave), and that his kid shouldn't be around my ex who has had two suicide attempts in 3 years with the most recent "threat" being just two weeks ago where he texted a coworker he was going to kill him self with photos of his head in a noose. She called the police but Mr Charming managed to convince them it wasn't serious and so they didn't haul him off to the psyche ward this time (he's learned after the last two lock ups it isn't a nice place to be). The mistress is all very aware of this but for some reason is too stupid to think to keep her kid away from him. She's in the "only I can save him mode". If she only knew..
Am I just being vengeful? She's inserted herself into my life why should she get a free pass on me not interfering with her? I'm sure I'm being irrational but was hoping to get some input?
She has a 4 year old child and I feel like the father needs to know this woman cheated on him (I don't think he's knows her affair with my ex caused her to leave), and that his kid shouldn't be around my ex who has had two suicide attempts in 3 years with the most recent "threat" being just two weeks ago where he texted a coworker he was going to kill him self with photos of his head in a noose. She called the police but Mr Charming managed to convince them it wasn't serious and so they didn't haul him off to the psyche ward this time (he's learned after the last two lock ups it isn't a nice place to be). The mistress is all very aware of this but for some reason is too stupid to think to keep her kid away from him. She's in the "only I can save him mode". If she only knew..
Am I just being vengeful? She's inserted herself into my life why should she get a free pass on me not interfering with her? I'm sure I'm being irrational but was hoping to get some input?
detachment And praying on it before
Acting on impulses.
I wish you had more support in place.
You are post divorce so you should be
Detaching not reattaching from him and
His craziness.
If you let it back in there is a huge price tag,
YOU and your sanity and progress in healing
And going forward not going back into crazy.
Hugs
Mirandac
Or is he in a place where he just doesn't care what you think?
His wife almost certainly doesn't care what her husband thinks. Contacting him is only hurting him. And he's already been hurt (just like you.)
In the case of purpleturtle89, the pregnant lady a few threads down, I feel she had every right (and a responsibility to herself) to confront the woman sending lewd pics to her husband.
As Patti states though, in your case you'd just be harming an innocent man by contacting her husband.
You have my support in calling her a homewrecking so and so if you run into her in the supermarket though :)
I TRY very hard to keep them out of my mind.
He is front row and center they are off in the fields,
To me if it wasnt her it would have been someone else.
My ex was the pursuer and the one that was Married
and said his vows. She has two Teenaged boys and
is was divorced. I have not have The pleasure of seeing
her, i do know her and she Has no remorse either because
he wanted out.
She had a hot one ready willing and able to meet
Her needs. She needed a man to complete her and
Is very codependent in that way otherwise she is in
Recovery and has a high powered job. My divorce
Was no concern to her she was after what she needed
Not what was good moral or just.
Hugs
Mirandac
The husband is (probably) a victim in this too. He (probably) didn't ask for any of this. And (probably) has no ability to stop this.
He's getting divorced and (probably) trying to heal.
If it's any comfort, relationships that start with cheating...have pathetically low rates of lasting. One or the two is likely to become unhappy at some point, and instead of working at the relationship, getting counseling, or being stand up enough to Leave....they'll just have an affair again
I'm not a fan of Karma. But it's a bit like watching two people get into a car without brakes and wishing them a nice trip. Chances are it's going to end in a crash.
This poor guy will go to his grave maybe thinking he is to blame for his wife's choice to divorce when her infidelity is her stain
Maybe he'd like to know that getting tested for stds is in his long term best interest
The bitch with telling him is if you do it for the wrong reasons that has more of a chance if boogering him up
As a man who's ex claimed there was nobody ... That made me doubt myself and blame myself too much
When the infidelity came out , it hurt a lot,
In the long run knowing helped me recover
I agree with refurb, although the ex probably suspects anyway. My reason for telling him is that there is a four year old child involved. This horrible woman will be putting her child in harms way by letting your ex get attached to a mentally ill, suicidal man. He needs you and still loves you . . . hes just messed up. After being away from his rock for a time, he may well do something serious and that small child will be entangled in this mess. Perhaps the horrible womans ex is in a custody battle and should be the primary caretaker. This might give him the info he needs to protect the child. Would your ex ever be threatened by a child? I know some people are extremely jealous of the children from previous marriages. I even heard of one girlfriend calling the new guys child a bitch and Mom did nothing. The girlfriend later committed a very violent lethal deed. We all need to protect children . . .
That happened to me.
Nothing matches taking my son to the funeral when he was 12. Suicide is all too real. Ramona never (to my knowledge) threatened it ahead of time. Really good to find out just what you legally can and can't do in your state (the laws are really state specific) for child abuse.
My neighbor went through getting the parental rights of their granddaughter's father taken away. It wasn't easy.
Aside from learning your state laws, if you're concerned about your child's safety, start keeping a notebook or journal. Keep all emotion out of it (even if you HATE the girlfriend...and believe me...I wan't very happy with Ramona). Just stick to the facts.
Writing "kids came home tired because they stated that they were up until 1am" is better than "the bastards once again didn't care that the kids had school the next day". (I chopped down a tree by hand dealing with all of the stress....)
Think long term, keep it positive to the kids.
My daughter is 13 now and one of the most compassionate nicest people I know...so there IS hope!
Patti
Nope, that falls on my ex. (I guess I did pick him to be my children's father...so I own that part of it.)
Unless you were given the crystal ball that I somehow never got...
With Ramona, my message to my kids was a lot about Self Care. About how many many people feel that way at some point in their lives, and what the best choices to make if they ever find themselves in that situation are. (Call someone, go to the doctor, get into therapy, etc.)
I wanted my kids to have compassion, and to feel like they could make a difference, but not feel responsible. I also figured that it was possible that one day they might consider it themselves, or that a friend/classmate might.
That is exactly how I felt when in the midst of divorce. If anyone had told me three months prior that I would be getting divorced, I would have laughed out loud.
Im not going to quote some cliche like Lifes a box of chocolates or When God shuts a door she opens a window. Divorce just sucks. What makes you say you allowed your life to become this? When you get married its supposed to be forever, for better of for worst. You deserve unconditional love and youill get it.
Look out for that four year old child. No judge would approve of exposing a child to a person with extreme mental illness issues. I dont care where you live. Thats abuse; period; and Dad should know. Peace and hugs.
Its your INTENT.
If the true intent of your actions is to protect a child/another individual from harm, that's one thing.
If your true intent is spite and revenge, I don't know if I personally would go there.