Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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sinclair79 03/21/2015

Hi,

I feel like I have no where to turn. I have been in a deep emotional funk for the last couple of weeks. In this time I have really stuck to limited contact with my ex. I had been going to her place (our old place) with the kids on my days (she would leave the house). Last week I put a stop to that and started taking them to where I am staying.
I found out a week or so ago that her boyfriend is moving in with her at the end of April. My kids are so excited about him and call me his name regularly. I know that it is a good thing that he treats them well and they are excited about him being around.
My work had suffered from the breakup and I am literally on the verge of losing my job. I have picked up my slack, but my boss is hammering me with made up deadlines in the middle of a bigger project which is becoming stressful.
Nothing seems to be going right for me and nothing I have been working on is coming together. I have two business ideas, one I am actively working on now. She seems so happy and is doing so well. She has another child in her dayhome and her boyfriend is moving in soon. She will have no problems getting by and on top of that I pay an arm and a leg in child support. Her life is going exactly how she wants it too and mine is not.
I feel like a loser, my self confidence is at an all time low and I still feel like I'm living in a nightmare. I know my kids get excited when they see me, but I often think they'd rather not come to my place when I have them. They seem to be more excited about her boyfriend than they do of me. He gets more time with them and plays with them like I used to.
I hate life right now and I just want to give up. I have been seeing a therapist, and nothing helps. I cannot find happiness.
I grew up in an abusive home with very little money. I feel like happiness is not mine to have because I have never been able to be happy. My family was where I found it. I used to get excited to go home and see her and the kids. Now this is gone and my happiness with it.

I don't want to go on.

loosingthebattle 03/21/2015

You're kids need their father, maybe not immediately but in the long run. Don't give up and don't make any choices that can't be undone. Life is precious and short enough. A website I found helpful is lovesagame.com.
Find something everyday to be thankful for, don't let her take away you. If she is putting you through this, she isn't worth it. In time you will find someone who will love you, but you need to love yourself. Hugs and prayers to you. Be kind to yourself.

charliegirl29 03/21/2015

Dont kids love shiny new toys. New people are always exciting to them and it's understandable to feel a little down about it because it is a divorce. I grew up in a similar environment and it takes a lot to build up from the bottom. I think when we are in the midst of the divorce a lot of times the grief takes over and literally so many bad things feel like they are happening to you and for some reasons they come in threes for me. In 2008 and 2009 It was a divorce and then came two miscarriages, a failed attempt at a relationship and then the ultimate sinker the job loss and on top of it i had to find a new therapist. The 8nly thing I can tell you is all things in life are temporary. Just remember to ge kind to yourself and remember that your kids still love you and you can tell because they feel like they can tell you about the "new" guy. Keep your head high :-)

sinclair79 03/21/2015

Thanks for the kind words. I guess it's the pain that is the hardest to deal with. It's all the time and won't stop. I'm on the verge of tears most days all day.
I would like to believe that it's temporary, it's just really hard to see that when it hurts so much and feels like there is no end. I just want it to stop :(
I do appreciate the kind words though :)

charliegirl29 03/21/2015

I know....i think I would rather physical paint than emotional because at least you can treat it with something. A broken heart and spirit needs a whole new level of care.

charliegirl29 03/21/2015

Pain*

jstcyn 03/21/2015

Sinclair79,

I feel your pain! "I feel like I have no where to turn. I have been in a deep emotional funk for the last couple of weeks."

My kids are a adults but both at home and the stress and strain is in itself hard. I couldn't imagine your situation.

I wish you the best. All we can do is keep reaching out and working with our loved ones that are here for ups. Reach out on chats sites like this to help us!!! Please hold on to yourself know you are we are worth it!

Take care
jstcyn

macandcheese 03/22/2015

Not the exact same situation but I am on the other side of this story (minus the boyfriend moving in) and I know my ex feels very much like you do. He makes snide comments all of the time about how my life is just perfect with the kids and the house, and he lives in a tiny apartment and works long hours and only sees the kids twice a week. I never let on that life after divorce is draining and depressing and that my kids miss their dad at the most random times. Mostly because I can no longer deal with his spite and anger. He put a lot of blame on his upbringing as well. I think he goes through spells where he feels hopeless and that the kids don't want to be around him but he does not ever miss a beat when it comes to his days with them. You shouldn't either. They need to know that you are there whether they want you or not, whether they're mad at you are thrilled to be with you. You are their dad, will always be their dad and they need to know that and have that stability. Boyfriends come and go. Her life may seem perfect but don't think about that. It doesn't matter whether its perfect or complete shit. If you keep dwelling on someone else's life you will never get yours together. Don't give up on yourself because your children would be devastated.

aramis78 03/23/2015

One day at a time. One goal at a time. Like the others say, keep focused on yourself and your life and your goals and try not to think about what she's doing, or how happy she is.

It may be a good time to start building your own life independent of the kids, the divorce and the ex. A life where you indulge your hobbies, passions, career goals etc. Do this step by step, little by little. Parcel out time from your day DEVOTED to something you like doing and do it religiously everyday. Start from there.

Keep talking to us, we're here to help!

sja 03/23/2015

You are not a loser. You are a person of worth. Have you done affirmations? Read up on them and start them. Try and get involved in some activities just for yourself, take an art class, music class, anything that may interest you. Do something for yourself you enjoy that is separate from being a parent, that will help you meet people and develop a support system. While you are there make that your safe place. Leave all thoughts of the ex or you problems at the door, really make it your safe haven. Find a divorce support group you can go to with people who are going through the same things you are. Do whatever it takes to find something to give your mind a rest. You need it for your sanity. The gentlest of hugs coming your way.

sinclair79 03/23/2015

Thanks everyone.

I like everyone's ideas and suggestions and I have been feeling better over the last couple days.

I plan taking some time off from work soon and heading back to my parents place in my home town to just escape from things for a bit.

I try not to focus on what she is doing or how well she is doing, it's so tough though cause it's in my face so often.

I also dream none stop about her. Probably every other night. I thought the dreams would have stopped or slowed down by now.

I am trying affirmations and focusing on gratitude and trying not to think about her. I feel the gratitude is helping a lot.

I also have to focus on what it is that I want to do and like it was recommended, make it mine, dive into it. That's what I plan on doing, and I also plan on either joining a divorce group or another group from Meetup or something.

Thanks everyone.

refurb 03/24/2015

Sinclair79

1) happiness is an emotion , emotions are fleeting, seek contentment,
Are your actions & decisions in line with your values, if so that is the basis for contentment

You seem to a man that values being a father,
Good, stay in line with that

2) divorce is tough, real tough on kids, and kids get screwed in divorce big time

Your wife is a selfish idiot, your kids get the blow of divorce and also have to deal with the new guy
Your kids sound young, they don't realize what they are dealing with and the new guy hasn't fold them no, or timeout, cool in their eyes

You be the father you always have been, your kids need that from you

3) don't, don't, don't date for a longtime

Your kids have no constant
Your wife killed the kids family, now she's bring in mr new guy way too soon, the kids will realize at sone point that they rank 2nd to mommy's "happiness"

You be in line with what you believe, be their father

4) you don't wAnt to go on

It is good to write that, now critique that statement

It is in your children's short, middle, and long term best interest for them to have you BE you in their lives

Go to a mirror, look yourself in the eye, are you okay with checking out? Could you look your kids in the eye, over the course of their lives as a ghost?

Nope, you are a man that is the father your kids need

sinclair79 03/26/2015

Hi Refurb,

I really appreciate what you've said and you're right.

Since I originally posted this I feel so much better. I was going through a tough time at work and was under a lot of stress and hadn't been sleeping well. I've made sure to get enough rest and I'm making headway at my job.

I have a plan to further my career and I feel good about things right now. I have good friends and I love being around my children.

Thanks everyone. I hope you are all well.

speedy1033 03/26/2015

You are the bomb! Women go through this all the time. I just went through it. Rejection! That is the worst. You feel rejected. Don't! You are the bomb! Put on a happy hat! Be thankful you still have kids in your life! They are a blessing. They love their dad..Dont worry! LIsten to some good tunes and don't watch any drama or sad movies. Laugh..alot! You got this!!!

foundlove 03/28/2015

I understand where your coming from because im feeling hopeless too. I feel like ill never be happy because I dont know how to. Thats hard situation, though, I cant even imagine. I hope you feel better soon... try not to concern yourself too much about her happiness. Just focus on yourself n take care of yourself.

df2723 03/28/2015

Please stay strong!!!!! Your children need you and though right now it may seem like the world around you is caving please don't give up. My child was just diagnosed with PTSD because of the violence he witnessed within my relationship with his dad, but I will not give up, Shift your focus! Don't focus on what's going wrong with your life focus on all the things going right!! I usually will judge my day by whether or not I have wifi in my home. Yes, I know it's silly, but I went two weeks without it. IT WAS BAD, and internet is not even essential for survival. Please stay strong, You will be in my prayers. Good luck

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