Heavy hopeless firstly well done on asking recognising that you need help and then in turn asking for it.
I can tell you have a heavy scattered heart I have found at times writing a good honest journal from my point of view helps me to purge some of the hate and self worthlessness from myself. As painful as it is I find writing it down gives me clarity and inspires me to fight on in this..
You appear to maybe be in Victim mode not survivor mode.
Also bare in mind that your are going through a significant life change and you need to grieve the lost of that.
Keeping breathing and focus on the small things that make you happy or things you find rewarding.
Take care of yourself, it is tough but you can get through this

If you do the work on yourself, you will heal and be a better more power woman and have a better life as you grow from this pain.
It hurts and it will always be a hurtful, but learn from this and know what you want and how you want to live your life.

Don't seek answers cuz you're never going to get them not any answer that will ever satisfy you.
And right now the pain is going to consume you you're grieving the death of your relationship and the holidays make it even worse.
I don't know your story but if there's a no contact order he was obviously abusive which more than likely means he has a narcissistic personality. He doesn't care he doesn't see anything he has ever done as wrong. And he never will and he'll never change. You have got to understand that the person that he was in the beginning that sweet person the one that you fell in love with that was the LIE. That person never truly existed that was all an act. all of us to some degree put on an act in the beginning just due to comfort level the more comfortable you get the more you are yourself. don't try to change somebody who's abusive back in to who were in the beginning. they should have been in Hollywood winning an Oscars for their outstanding performance. People with a Narcissistic personality they know who the target. They know who will be vulnerable to their charms and whose they can eventually control we all have fell victim to it at some point time. At this point all you can do is acknowledge your pain embrace your pain allow yourself to feel it because that's what you're supposed to feel. Don't try to tuck it away in a little box cuz if you do that and you don't deal with it you'll never have a healthy relationship. because all that pain is going to come out and you're not going to trust somebody and it's just a big ol mess in the next relationship what you're feeling is normal what we've all felt. You will come out the other side of this ok

Hello,
I too am in a very dark place, I’ve been trying to dig myself out but it’s impossible. I too just broke up with a person who I thought was my life partner. While I’m grieving and crying to sleep every night, he is in Fiji on vacation. My heart is so broke. I’ve seek god , I’ve placed my pain to gods hands. I’ve also accepted gods will and all I’ve asked us to have mercy on me because this pain seems to be more than I can handle. I feel lonely and spend Christmas alone, I cried to the point that I felt like passing out. I went online for 24 hour prayers and on Christmas Eve at 11:30 at night I dialed that number. A nice lady answered from Canada, she stated it was 2 AM in Canada but was awake and willing to pray with me. That was god providing me with support. God does so many miracles and there is nothing impossible for god. I’m not going to lie, there has been time in which I’ve doubted god, then I realize, THIS IS A TEST IN MY JOYFUL CONFIDENT WITH GOD.

Breakups can cause some of the deepest pain one can experience. I'd rather brake both my legs than to ever experience the pain of a breakup again. Bones can mend and you pretty much have a time table of when things will get better. A broken heart will heal at its own time and you never know when. It could take weeks to even years and the pain may never fully go away but it will lessen. Best advice is I can give you to speed up the process is to focus all your spare energy and time into you. It could mean therapy, hanging out with friends and family or activities. Its great you have a no contact order because having any contact can slow the process. There's really no magical but time and effort from you.

Thank you to all of you for your words. This advice and support does help and having someone and many of you who have experienced these emotions. I am still taking day by day and I did have a set back, but I hope the light comes soon. Peace, hope, faith, and love to all of you. <3

Hi Heavy, I don't think you are hopeless, just grieving. Holidays are hard. When I talked to the therapist she said that being with a Narcissist cuts all the way to the soul. I understand what you are going though, as you saw with my narc. But can any answer he gives be good enough? More to the point, he is a narc and can you believe anything he says? They aren't like us. They use, they fake emotions, etc. They have low self esteem and hate themselves. So what they do is to make them feel better for a while.

He can't provide any answers. The answers will have to come from you. Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. Do stuff for you. Take one day, one moment at a time. It gets better. It takes work but it does. One of my favorite books is "getting past your breakup by Susan J Elliot". It helped in the past and I still read it. I also read other Narcissist breakups stories online. It helped me understand some. As stated above journal - I send myself emails that I archive or text a friend.

We all have set backs. Forgive yourself and start again. Think of it this way, you gave him 21 years. Does he deserve another minute of your time? Shouldn't you start focusing on someone that will cherish and care about you? You deserve being with a true person.

I am sorry that you feel this way. It sounds like the relationship has run its course. The best advice I can give is to say that acceptance is key. You have to accept that it is over and that you have to find your new life now. I know it sucks really bad, and is scary, but that is the only way to recover. I don't know the exact details, but when it is truly over, you don't need validation from your ex, only from yourself. You have to stay busy, and envelope yourself in activities that bring you joy. This will pass, you just have to stay strong.

Thank you to all for your wise words. I pray for peace to all this brand new year.