Hang in there lostG, I didn't get any closure at all. I feel your pain and I just want to tell you better days are ahead. It has been 25 months since our breakup. The pain has lessen quite a bit. Wish I had words to make you feel a whole lot better but as of all I can say is hang in there. Better days are coming. All things happen for a reason. One door closes another opens. Wish you and everyone a quick and easy recovery from our heartaches. God bless everyone.

Should you try and talk to him again?? NO.
Just read what you wrote the last time u talked to him..? Why put yourself through that? Focus on what an asshole he's become, not who he used to be. After my last text session with my cheater ex wife I had no problem blocking her and deleting her ass. Much more peaceful. I'm not giving her the satisfaction or opportunity to speak to me again she can stew in her own shit for all I care. You have to change your mindset.

Lostgirl84.... I too know what it feels like to have your heart and soul ache to it's core....whether you realize it or not.... you've already started the healing process just by posting your feelings....We may not know each other personally.... however I can tell you what sadbutrue and kbbcoop77 expressed to you.....is true.... better days are ahead and I speak from experience! Married 21 years... 2 beautiful daughters....when he left me for another...I thought my life was over. This sounds so clich....but it was the BEST thing he ever did for me! I remember aching so bad that just to open my eyes in the morning was monumental...it hurt to brush my teeth!! I sought a counselor...who after several visits posed the question..."What do you want from him?" .... With every fiber in my body on fire... I screamed.."I WANT HIM TO SAY HE'S SORRY!!' SORRY FOR HURTING ME LIKE THIS! SORRY FOR LEAVING US!" It's been 18 years since that question was posed to me.... and I clearly remember her response... and IT SET ME FREE! The counselor calmly said..... "And what if that never happens?" I sat there...tears streaming down my face... gasping for air.....the counselor continued...."There are people in this world who are incapable of expressing sorrow" I was thinking...That's it? That's IT?!!! But it was TRUE!! And I thank God everyday that I am NOT one of those people! I won't lie... it wasn't easy at first...it took about 3 years for the phoenix to rise from the ashes....however, when I did...my life has been everything I dreamed of and then some!! I know you don't feel it now....but chin up! Love will find you again...when you least expect it... and when it does.... It will blow you away!

Should you try and talk to him again?? Why?? Do you feel the need to hear him spew more hateful words to you? The "closure" you will find is not with him, you need to find closure within yourself. I thought the last time you contacted him was the last time and only because you wanted closure. Well he told you how he felt and showed you his true colors. Are there some magic words you want him to say?? Is there anything possible that he could say that would make everything better? I think not!

Keep up with the no contact and work on you!

Thanks for the responses everybody.. I know there are no words that he could say that would help.. I know he would have just used it as an opportunity to spew hate at me, I guess what you said, Shelabug, is what I wanted. I want him to be sorry. I want him to be sorry for everything and realize he took part in this mess too and it's not ALL my fault, but it's true, that I don't think he ever will be. He's capable of deflecting all his nasty right on to me. I do need to change my mindset. I should be angry with him and some days I am. This process is just so hard. My emotions are just all over the place. Counseling is helping and I'm trying so hard to focus on me and work on myself.

I did not contact him, thank god. I think I was just lost in a moment of desperation and pain.. Nights are hard for me, but today is a new day. One breathe at a time.

Lostgirl...if he's going to insult you and disrespect you, then you're better off staring away from him. I mean unless you did something so despicable to him that would cause a great deal of hurt and pain in his life; there's no reason for him to be treating you like that. Not when he's the one violent and doing wrong!! unreal!! You have to try to be strong for you...you definitely do NOT deserve to be treated like that.

Trishthe8, I left a marriage for him. It was difficult for both of us and he couldn't come to many my family functions in the beginning, but he was always jealous and controlling. From day 1 he accused me of cheating on him and it only became worse over time. Finally, when he could start coming to family parties, he would get super drunk and would fly off the handle with me, on several occasions leaving me places. This in turn, made it even more difficult for him to come to family parties, bc my family disliked him. It was like a snowballing train wreck. I guess I internalized all of this as my fault, tho I know it's not and in my head, it makes me despicable, thus I always rationalized and made excuses for his behavior. But when someone shows you who they are, you should believe them. I didn't. And now I'm paying for it.

It sounds like the relationship was doomed from the beginning. You left your husband for him (this is a support group so I won't go into that!) so he knows what kind of person you are capable of being. He probably felt some guilt about being with a married woman and then once you were officially together he began to realize that if you cheated once you could do it again (hence why he accused you of cheating from day one). It is no excuse to verbally abuse you though. Sounds like this relationship was toxic from the beginning. I would seek out some counceling to see why you make these kinds of decisions (cheating on your husband, hanging on to someone that is abusive, etc.)

Good luck!

No, nope nfw!
People like him lack the hopefully lack the capacity to understand what they've done to a person, if people like him do undesrand and don't care -- yuck now that is a monster
Either way you won't get closur

Very sad but that is reality

I think your closure is understanding his behavior is not something you will tolerate. Something you cannot control. Don't think that because he wasn't nice during your last encounter that you don't have closure. Take him for what he is worth...which is nothing and work to heal yourself. He is incapable of apologizing because he is an asshole. Don't let that hold you back. Understand him and realize how you now have the opportunity to move on, heal and start loving yourself again.