Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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MontgomeryDad 11/10/2016

Today, we had a parent-teacher conference for our 6 year old son. Great news is that he is doing amazing, and is advanced in pretty much every subject. Yay for him. Bad news, I could barely get through the whole meeting without thinking of what life will be like without me seeing him every day. My wife and I sat apart (one chair separating us), like we were not there together. The teacher knows something is going on, as my wife phoned her yesterday and told her there were some things going on in the home, so if our son's behavior seemed off, to let us know. To her credit, the teacher was very kind and addressed us both equally.

After the conference, all of the feelings I had pent up came out. I got upset, and as per usual lately, my wife stayed a distance away and seemed like she could care less that I was upset, other than to say in a monotne voice, "If I could take all of the hurt away, I would. I know you don't believe me." She's right, I don't. Actions speak louder than words. So, I called her when I got to work to let her know how I felt and she started crying and telling me how I have no idea how much she cares, and the reason she is showing so little compassion and emotion is that she knows I am going through a lot, and the kids need at least one parent who is keeping it together. How sweet. She keeps saying things like "Right now, I can't show the same compassion I could have two weeks ago, and hug you and kiss you." I said I don't expect that, but she keeps talking about being friends, and the way she shows compassion to friends, hell to strangers too, would be a lot more than what I am seeing. She said it's too raw right now. Again with the right now, as if things will be different. Not saying she's sending mixed messages, but she is being weird with her wording. She said she didn't want me to be confused if she gave me a hug while I'm upset. I told her that when I see her not offer to even be close to me, and when I see the look in her eyes when she looks at me, I truly feel like she doesn't love me any more. So she got what she wanted. I'm out there on a limb and she feels the need to act like she doesn't care. I would rather just have her tell me she's cheating so I wouldn't have to feel this way any more. That would be so much easier to take and move on. Uggghhhh.

basnime 11/10/2016

When they want to go and you want them to stay, nothing will bring you comfort. She knows you want your family, but she doesn't. I wish I could fast forward through this process and start fresh with new love.

MontgomeryDad 11/10/2016

Thanks. Sometimes I think it's possible she might still love me, like she is confused and emotional and she'll change her mind and tell me everything is going to be ok. I mean, I know that is not going to happen, but part of me wants it to, and part of me feels she does too, but I have to put that feeling aside. I really do. I would love to start fresh with new love, but I don't know that there is enough fast forwarding in the world that will ever get me to that point where I'm ready.

STex 11/10/2016

Working through something similar. Been married 25 years, wife had emotional affair with my best friend, said she was not sure that she loved me anymore, I moved out for a while. I was in total panic mode, did everything wrong, texted too much, then I took stock of the situation. I have lost 45lbs in about 7 weeks, cant eat still, but I am getting better. I started looking at my part in the marriage breakdown, and realized how much damage I had done. I have focused on my faith, reading marriage books and websites and stopped smothering her. It only took about 2 painful weeks of little contact, but she saw me changing and asked me to move home. We do love each other, but we have both really hurt each other over the years. I decided I needed to improve myself one way or the other for me, and then if given the chance we might be able to reconcile. I have dealt with extreme bitterness and depression for several years, but could only think about myself. I did not see or care about the damage I was doing. When I found out about the affair I was absolutely devastated. I pulled my head out of my rear and took a long hard look at myself. I am changing my attitude and having to really work at staying positive. This has given me so much anxiety and utter grief. I could never imagine pain being so intense. Being back home has not been easy, lots of awkwardness and small conversation. We had a pretty intense conversation yesterday and got some things out in the open, we cried we yelled, but ultimately I feel so much better today. I am much more at peace. I believe we have a real chance, so if you have any inkling of hope for your marriage, if that is what you want, the take a step back and focus on yourself for a bit. Stop talking about the situation with her, let it be on her terms. It is extremely hard to do, especially when you want and need to have so many questions answered. Take care of yourself, very hard to do, I'm down 45lbs, still not interested in food, have been running several days a week, trying to make all of our interactions positive. Its funny how hard it can be to talk to someone after 25 years. She is and will always be the love of my life. I am just not ready for this to be the end of our story. I hope that you can get some peace, chin up.

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