That/s the weird part, not being accountable to the person that was accountable to you.

Its like a habit. I recently had to travel on my own, all this prior to the big speech but nonetheless. I got used to it, maybe it was a preview into my future. You adapt, you make yourself investigate the hotel, the area, you slip into a routine in your room that suits you. Sort of what your life at home will be like now.

I still cant go grocery shopping without crying.
everything seems to trigger me, because all my daily activities were with the goal and excitement id see my wife later
Now, just an empty house to come home too..............................:(

Oh Murphy I can so relate to the grocery store. The butcher made me cry one day when I told him I wanted one filet and he said what is up with that you always get two. Total breakdown right at the meat counter.

I know it's brutal

The last time I was at the house to pick up my business equipment, I noticed that my wife had taken down all of the photos of us / me. Replaced by generic artwork and blank frames.

Triggers indeed....although I believe you can take down all of the reminders that you want; the mind will create those photos all over again for you. That is why it is so very hard.

I think the key is to create new visuals and images of your own.....something that is distinctly yours. That is what I will be working on in the coming months.

I wish you luck....

STBX and I are avid photographers and we've spent a lot of time making trips to nearby places. As you can imagine, it is very difficult for me to revisit these places without wanting to cry my eyes out.

I know exactly what you mean about wanting the pain to stop. I've had similar thoughts as well.

(((((HUGS)))))

I am sorry you are having a difficult time.

"I dont think he is capable of truth" - yep - I know right? All the scenarios you create in your head - why would you (in general) believe anything that they have to say? Its all lies. But it still triggers.

Bravo for not responding back - that was very strong. Good job!

I remember wanting to do that too - stand in front of his truck and just yell at him aimlessly - I just felt like he would sit there laughing at me - getting sheer joy out of all the pain and turmoil he was causing me - seeing me react seemed to give him great pleasure - especially when he just sat there mute.

I am sorry you dont have the pups there - buy some stuffed animals or a big body pillow - maybe that would help? I dont know - maybe you arent asking for advice - just venting. I know its hard. All the changes and shifts in things - things that they seemingly dont have to do in their lives - which makes it all the more frustrating (at least it did for me) -

I think you are doing some great things - I think you are being strong - even though you dont feel like you are being strong. I hope your 10 days goes by fast - so you can get home to your fur babies.

And let me know what that whole "feeling normal" is like when you get there okay? I have no clue. :)

xoxo

Ald I so understand and feel really close to where you are. My first business trip since everything happened is next week I'll be flying off going to some great places. vancouver and palmsprings but I know it won't be the same.. I have thought about that too not having anyone to tell you took off or you landed.. it's going to be hard..
I had another trigger too the other day.. I have to have a med proceedure nothing big but I can't drive after and they wanted to know who would be driving me home.. I realized I don't know anymore.. I'm sure a friend will but still ... I can't believe this.. and I cried and was so hurt.. again.
That he could just throw me over after all our great years together for his own selfish move to screw a 14 yr younger then him recovering alcoholic with three kids.. is still just too much for me to take.. (I really am pissed that he chose down). Yes there I said it..
he had a good thing.. and I know my councelor says.. it's not about me or her.. it's all about his screwed up mind.. I know.. I just haven't connected that one to my heart he ripped out yet.

Try to have a good trip and realize there will be someone else someday that you text "taking off - love you too" there will I know it..and all my friends tell me it is true.. so I'm going to believe it.
somehow we are meant to be with someone else.. no who we were with.. maybe it's cause god knows they are toxic and we are good people and wants them out of our life :)

I hope that you are right...That is also what all my friends are telling me.

I had to spend the morning at the hospital....and looked around me and saw everybody had someone with them for support.
Right up until 3 months ago I was escorting her to medical appointments.
And now....she offers nothing...no support
I cried in the waiting room

I still have triggers and it has been five years since he left. They do lessen and the more we move on and become active in our lives, the less they creep up. Sometimes, though, they are hard to avoid.

I remember about five months after he left and I went on my first and only vacation without him. OMG, of course, everyone around me was "in love" and I felt like an outsider. It wasn't the case, but that's the feelings. I have since vacationed, and the sting isn't nearly as bad and, in fact, gone for me. Each time you have a trigger, then next time you experience the same situation, it will get less and less.

We are so much better off without a cheater in our lives. If they will do it with you, they will do it to you. It's only a matter of time!

Is it possible that he sent that email because he misses you and wanted to contact you and used the lame excuse of wanting to know where his jersey and shoes were? Maybe he wanted to feel you out and see where you stand.

I know I have texted my SBTX because I missed him and wanted to get a convo rolling but didn't know how. So I asked him where the crutches were. I said I couldn't find them (when I knew darn well all along exactly where they were located).

BluSky - I swear we lead parallel lives. I wish you the best on your upcoming trip...remember I am here if you need anything!

I recently had to fill out an in case of emergency form for the dogs, started crying right there as I have absolutely no one. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I was to become sick or in an accident...who would be by my side...who would take care of my dogs...and then I realize that no one would. I am all alone and only have myself. My parents live 5 hours away (and are elderly) and all my co-workers and friends live on the east coast (and I am in Texas).

Thank you all for your responses. I can say that today has not been any better. I just can't seem to shake the thought of him the last few days, of how dramatically my life has been alter and I had no control over it!

Eleni - I don't think for a second he was reaching out because he missed me. This is the same man that threw away everything that would remind him of me (all photos, cards, his wedding ring, etc.). He is the same man that told me one of the last times I sent him a text that "it's called a divorce...not keep in contact"

Wow - I can so relate to the dog in case of emergency situation - I remember talking to my doctor about that - what if something happens to me and the anxiety surrounding that. And realized I really do have no one I could trust with my dog - obviously no one will ever take care of him the way I do - but I don't have anyone in my life to lean on either - I am working on it - but its still a work in progress.

What I thought of for him is if something ever happened, I could call his vet - he has a great vet - they would be able to take care of his medicine and allergy shots, bathe him in his allergy shampoo - and he would get lots of attention staying in one of the open crates that go to the outside. The would walk him too - someone is there every day to walk the dogs. So I have that for him - and its the best I can think of now for an in case of emergency situation. They are a great vet and I trust them - so maybe that would be an option now for you to put your mind at ease? Maybe you could talk to your vet about it and say (if they are already staying there) this is my situation - if something happened, could they stay here and be safe, etc. etc.? When I thought of a place it put my mind at ease.

I know it seems so silly - I totally overthink things - I just know the stress I have put my dog through over the past 3 plus years with the divorce and moving, etc. - so I don't really care what others think when I am codependent about my dog - he has been the only one here through it all and deserves to have a plan in place.

I hope this helps somehow. I know it just sucks all the way around. My ex and I had talked (before the divorce) about how he was going to get a job that allowed him to take dogs up in his truck cab - he said he looked into it - even applied at some places- but at usual, it never came to pass. I wouldn't trust him with him anyway - I'd be afraid that he'd just use him as leverage over me. So I am glad that option is out of the picture.

I am sorry you are having a rough time. If you ever need to vent I am here.

xoxo

KAW1962.....Those places can cause a lot of memories and pain. They also can show you just how much you have already healed. For a long time, I avoided the places that her and I loved to go to, our favorite restaurant, park, pub. I started to realize though that just because she threw away these favorite places, didn't mean I had to. I read somewhere that eventually you need to "take back your territory". It was hard to go into that restaurant the first time alone, but I forced myself to do it. I know it sounds self destructive, but It really started to help me. I began to realize that my life does go on without her and those places can now have new memories for me and hopefully someone special again. I decided to face the pain head-on. I can now go to those places without those triggers. Just my thoughts and experience......