NYRFan, your post made me tear up. You didn't times up, you are human.

I am in the same boat except my ex keeps trying to pull me back to him even though he is seeing the woman that broke up our marriage. It is brutal painful. These people who were supposed to love us until the day we died betrayed us, I can't think of much more painful than that. My ex too seems to have no conscious at all, it's all about him and my feelings are meaningless. I know it probably doesn't feel this way but in a way you're lucky she won't answer you, TRUST ME, what my ex is doing is worse because his sweet words and promises are empty but keep my heart aching.

We are all here for you. Next time you feel like reaching out to her, come here and get it off your chest. Might help. Sorry you are suffering. Sending you hugs!

Hi Sarah,

Thanks for your reply. I know her not replying is actually better for me, and I know she won't. Somehow she was just able to move on in a matter of months from a 16 years marriage (28 years of overall history) to be with this new guy from work. 3 days after our divorce she was on a cruise with him, unreal.

However with all that I still love this woman and still miss her. The day and nights are still really hard, although easier from the day she 1st left.

I should not have texted her this morning, but it is what it is at this point. Can't beat myself up to much about it as my feeling are what they are.

Felix

I'm sorry. I think there is a moment when you send a text like that and you expect/hope to get a similar one back. When it doesn't come, you feel like an idiot. I think we've all been there if not in our current marriages/relationships, then in others. Now that you've sent it and seen that it got no response, remember that. The next time you feel like reaching out to her, remind yourself of this. Is there any way you can block her number from your phone or remove it altogether? I think you should write her a letter and get everything you want to say down on paper. Don't mail it though. Afterward, you can tuck it away or burn it as a symbol of the end of the relationship (some people like to do that I have heard).

Felix,

I'm glad you texted her and then told us about it. I hope I can learn from you because of it.

I'm sad because i am a hopeless romantic and want people to have HEA "happily ever after" but if you had one you would not be here. Your story would not make me feel like i am not alone. Your story would not give me hope that I will one day survive.

This is all small consolation for you (if any). I cannot help you through this but I can say you are helping me. Thank you.

Nothing lasts forever. One day this will not be so painful. The betrayal you feel now will lessen. Because of you I have hope too.

Samantha,

I like your idea about the letter, I'll get that started. As for deleting / blocking her phone number. Sure I can do that but what good will it do as I can always unblock it. I NEED to FORGET IT!!

MovingOn,

Thanks for the kind words. I know at some point I'll fight my way through this, or at least I hope!!

I mean this is the 2nd time she's done this to me. We got engaged in Aug 1995, by November she broke off the engagement and left me for another guy. We were apart for 2 years, as I finally started to move on she came running / begging back, 2 years after that we were married.

So I have to assume I survived hat, so I'll survive this. It may take a lot longer giving the longer history, but I'm sure that day will come.

Felix

Felix if she did that back then you better get strong
because She will probably try it again. Have you gone
to any Counseling or grief support groups to help you
Deal with your grief.

I would no more want my ex back again after what
I just went thru. Its done and overwith now i need to
Heal and grow and hopefully move forward and on.

Once trust, faith, honor, decency, respect and morals
are gone and the vows broken and destroyed thats it.

Some people try to restore their marriage that takes
Two mature willing people that are all in and no third
Parties involved.

Checked out spouses really do not have any remorse
Or concern for you if they did they would not have done
What they did. There are honarable ways to get out of a
Marriage. Most cheaters want a soft landing with someone
Waiting in the wings for them and they do not want to be
Honest with themselves about their part so that door is
closed.

The only communication with my ex is thru email at the
Beginning for transition purpose only, Mail and financial
Seperation issues. He does not care what i think or feel.

Hugs

Mirandac

Don't beat your self up. Most of us have done that more times than not in the early stages. I know I did. For some reason we are hoping for some kind of response from them but its never the one we want. I am 2 1/2 years out from his leaving and I have gone NC so many times I've lost count. What I have learned, yes the hard way, is it's just better to not reach out. It sure is hard and painful but every time we reach out, it just prolongs our healing!!!! It's easy to say, just don't do it but until you're ready to let go and be firm on your NC, it will always be a temptation. I look back and see how pathetic I was in those early months, yet it is also how I healed. I had to go through more unneeded rejection to finally get it....he's not coming back to me, no matter what I say or do.

I'm barely 5 months NC this time around but I'm done. It gets easier as the days, weeks go by but I am finally over the temptation to reach out. He doesn't deserve it. His loss in my humble opinion! In the early stages, my counselor had me make tiny goals... NC for one week, then it was one month, and so on. It helped me stay focused because if I made it to my goal, I could then decide if I "needed" to make contact, sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't.

It is a great feeling to have that burden taken off my shoulders now, the temptation is gone and I am finally leaving him behind where he belongs.

It also helps to come here when you feel like making contact, give it a try, DS has helped me sooo much, I would be a mess w/out everyone here.

I'm sorry for your broken heart, I truly know how you feel, it's definitely the hardest thing I've ever gone through. I'm sending you a gentle hug today, be strong and just take time in moving through these roller coaster emotions!

Hey Dude,

What you did is what many of us have or still do. There are moments where we justify in our heads that we should just right. That its Ok to write and just let them know that we miss them. I did the same thing. I will probably do the same thing again if I am in a relationship with someone I really care about. Why? Because there will be times when I reflect and think back on not only the bad, but the good as well. So I will miss them in my life.

Its Ok to be vulnerable, honest and kind. To share our feelings when we need to share them. Even if nothing will come from it. To be able to get out what we are feeling inside, have it received at all, only helps us, not them.

Just remember in these moments to continue to be kind to yourself and continue to be open with your thoughts and feelings.

Thanks everyone!

This is such a hard journey, hardest of my life, I'm sure most of you would say that. It's so hard to let go of someone who has been involved in your life for nearly 2/3 of it, especially when your heart still loves that person. I mean how do you fully move on from that? I am so scared of the next few months, so many days coming up that will hurt. My birthday, our anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years. I know I'm supposed to live in today but I just cannot find a way to do that.

I just don't know what to do anymore. Everything I do, see, hear, etc. reminds me of her. I cry at every little thing lately (I'm crying writing this), I'm so damn emotional it's nuts. I did not cry this much early on, but the past 2 weeks it's like I cannot stop.

I'm sure a lot of it has to do with being really lonely. As I've mentioned in other posts I have no family and all my good friends are in NY. The friends I have down here are all married with kids and I don't want to be going out with them and being a 3rd wheel.

I have done a lot more things recently but they've all been alone. While doing them I get a little stressed but when I get home I really get upset and depressed, lucky for me I have Duke to keep me company. Still even with Duke it's not the same as having your partner there to enjoy time with.

Anyway it's Friday, I'm still not looking forward to weekends but can handle them a bit better. Tomorrow I am having a couple of neighbors bring their dogs for a birthday party for Duke's 4th BD, that should be fun, no plans for Sunday.

Have a good Friday everyone and thank you again,

Felix

I'm in the same place as you. I initially tried to stay away from my married friends, but have actually found being around them is good. I get a mans advice from my best friends husband (his insight is super helpful) and their kids give me so much love that it feels good to be in their presence. I guess what I'm saying is don't cut yourself off from any of the supportive people in your life.

I dread weekends, they are just torture, I'm trying to get out more. I feel your pain. You are not alone.

all those things coming up, will have you feeling much the same as you do now. I guess the only way to get thru them, is to get thru them. This year is going to be memories and wishes and wants coming form the Holidays. So you just have to embrace that part of this as it is what comes with the territory. Knowing you are going to be flooded with emotions you at least can prepare for the worse and that includes, putting in a small plan to help you get through it.

What I mean is when the big holidays like Christmas come around, you know its going to be different. What you can try to do is make sure to plan something for yourself to escape the onslaught of feelings and memories you will experience.

Then again, Christmas is 6 months away, so you may even feel different by then. But you may also still be single. Which is most likely the case and will most likely be what gets you down more then her not being there with you. Its the fact of you wanting someone to share that with. So maybe, you can find someone to share this holiday with in its own way, with Duke. Maybe even you can plan a new tradition for you and / or Duke.

I leaned on my dog, Bj, a lot when the split first happened. But at the same time, the dog will take on whatever emotions you are displaying. So your sadness, will turn in to Dukes sadness. While he is there for those times, he is also sad as well. He may not show it in front of you, but its the moments when he is alone, that he will feel that loss as well. I say this because I didn't realize it until one day, after the split with my ex, I came home early. I caught my dog, BJ, sitting at the door of hte bedroom crying / whimpering. It was where Indys cage, (my other dog she took out of spite), was and he stayed during the day. My landlord had asked me a few weeks prior if I had a kid upstairs as they heard crying a lot. I thought and told them, "oh, thats me" :), but they even said no it was like a baby crying or whimpering. That day I walked in told me it was my dog, Bj. I broke down, feeling so bad for her as I had no idea. I then decided to change things around cus of how it was affecting her.

I then got another puppy. :)

Anyway, what I am saying is, you are right, Duke is there, but he can't fill all that voided space left by her. Soon he won't have to. You will find that you will move on and he will be your sidekick once again instead of that crying pillow he is now.

You will get there. 2/3 of your life is a long time to have someone in it then they are gone. Its not easy to break routine of what was. It won't be easy, but I can tell you it is doable. When you are ready.

I didn't look forward to weekends much when the split first happened; i actually hated going in to the weekend. So I get that. No amount of car rides with my pooch could suffice. But it is needed for both you and Duke to get through this together. So continue on with the rides and parties for him like you are having this weekend. If I was closer, I would bring my crazy dog to the party. (Look at me the party crasher). :)

Anyway, with all those pups around, make sure to let go of any thoughts and stay in the party. Then you can cry afterwards. But I bet, the party lifts yours and his spirits. So make sure to enjoy it.

I am sorry for your hurt. But, thank you for sharing it. This is where I am in my recovery. It made me feel better knowing others are feeling the same as me.