I've been doing a lot of reading, hanging out with good friends, connecting withbold friends, and visiting family. I also through myself into my job to avoid having down days. My son is my focus when he is with me, which is the majority of the time. I haven't found a new hobby or explored any of my talents because I don't really know what I like. My marriage occupied so much of my time that I'm still discovering what I want. Good luck to you

It's very normal to be angry at your stbx , try not to let it make you bitter toward the world. Focus that anger on your stbx. It's again normal to feel that way, and if you feel angry , feel angry. Use that energy to push you forward and not look back. This is all a part of letting go. Understand it is how you feel right now . Punch pillows and scream Into them if you have to , you have to let the anger come so it moves you forward. (((Hugs)))

Get 3 stars on all the levels of Angry Birds. =)

Try a vigorous form of exercise. Or scream into a pillow. I also get in my car alone (with the windows closed, of course), park somewhere private and yell and swear at your ex.

Re: my reply #4. I yell and swear at MY ex, not YOUR ex!

Thank you everyone for your advice. Sitting in the care alone with nobody around and yell and scream sounds really tempting. I think I will do that.

I already walk around my apartment and have "discussions" with my stbx like he's really there. It makes me feel better, even though I'm just talking into air, if gives me relief.

(((Hugs))) to everyone, I'm glad to be part of this group...

Ive had similar discussions myself. :)

I am sure there are many things you will start to find yourself doing once you are able to. Just be patient and keep your eyes open for those opportunities so you can act on them. Even when you dont want to go and do something, forcing yourself to go, you will find afterwards you were glad you got out and went.

I had a TON of anger, hurt, and rage when I first got out of an abusive relationship and started the divorce process. My therapist insisted I start a journal, and I resisted for a long time. I sounded so dorky to me. But I gave in eventually just to get her off my back, and it has been the best thing I have done during my entire recovery.

I like writing, so maybe that's part of it for me, but there's something wonderful about getting all my feelings OUT and somewhere else where I can close the cover and put them away for a while. I write letters there that won't be sent, I do free association writing, sometimes I just sit there and start by writing, "I don't even know what I want to say but I feel so mad...."

It has been the best way of working through my anger, for me. No matter what you choose it takes time because you built up that anger over years, but you can't just ignore it. You have to work through it.

People tend to return to whoever they once were. There are exceptions, there is growth, and people do change as they get older. But by and large, they don't change.

So if you were a nice person before this, you'll go back to being a nice person afterwards.

I'm a pretty nice person. But a few, minor few, but a few of the things that I said during the divorce weren't nice. My ex said a few memorable really nasty things. (Said, he never wanted kids, that it was all me, that I could live on the street for all he cared...) But by and large...that's not him. Selfish..yes, he was that. Had alcohol issues..definitely. He could walk away and not help...to an amazing degree.

But he was "nice". And he's still nice. I rarely talk to him, but we get along better than we ever have. I trust him. For years after the divorce...my electric bill stayed in his name. I always paid it, he never worried about it (also kept his credit going...).

Chances are, both you and your ex will return to being the people you've always been.

Sometimes we overlook things for "love". You'll most likely see him clearer in the future (if you have kids and stay in each other's lives). If he was always a shit and you didn't see it...you'll see it then.


For now, use the anger to move you forward. I chopped down a tree with a hatchet. Got my anger out.

Only way to "not think of him" is to think of something else. Not so easy in the first weeks. After that, I was able to concentrate on a book or my kids for at first just 5 minutes, then 10, then more. It became a habit.

Thanks, all really good advice. Chopping down a tree with a hatchet sounds soooooo good right now. One way I like to get the anger out is to jog, run on my treadmill. The only problem is that the stbx has my treadmill at his house. There is no way I can fit it into my apartment, so it's just sitting over there unused :(

I was thinking of getting a cheap membership to a little gym but I don't think I can swing that with my income. So I will think up different things, going for walks helps and exercising to DVD's helps.

Thank goodness my stbx and I don't have children together, we both have children from past relationships, so that's good I'm not bringing harm in that aspect.

Thank you again everyone for your advice, it soooo helps

I can only imagine you've previously felt (or are still feeling) other emotions - sadness, despair etc. I find anger to be one of the more powerful emotions. I strive to be where you are, angry at him so that I know I deserve better instead of the sadness that makes you feel so alone.

You're doing well, you've passed those feelings and can now say he isn't worth it, and that you know you deserve more. Keep going and getting stronger!