I would go to therapy and talk it over
They can help guide you with making
healthy Decisions for yourself. You can
Not fix him only yourself.

Rejection and betrayal are hard to move
Thru and face. Reach out to loving and
caring people for support to help you
Cope.

I am sorry for all your pain and hurt HUGS

You can clear up your confusion in less than five minutes by doing this simple exercise. Ignore whatever he's told you and look at what he's done. Actions speak louder than words. Why is that? Because actions take effort and words do not. It takes no effort to tell someone you love them. I could be sick with a fever, nausea, diarrhea and covered with boils and still manage to get the words "I love you" out. In fact, I have told my stbx that I love him even when I knew in my heart I didn't in an effort to stop an emotional beat down. Calling someone, however, takes EFFORT just as driving to their house, meeting them for dinner, buying them gifts, having sex with them, etc. All of those things take time and effort. I agree with Mirandac. Go to counseling. It will help you. It's helped me a lot. (((HUGS)))

Dear Tonell18,
So sorry to hear of the betrayal. I’m accustomed to that sort of pain, and I know how it can affect every thought that goes through your head. I hope you have a close friend or relative with whom you can share your situation. Don’t be afraid to share what you’re going through with a good listener. That’s crucial for you right now. If you don’t have someone, contact a counseling firm. Often, they can help people for next to nothing depending on their financial circumstances. You’ll get through this time of depression and uncertainty. You can get through this. Most likely, you’ll take some time to heal and move on with your life and find more joy and happiness than before. You’ll look back in five years and maybe even understand why you had to go through this. I’m sure there’s a purpose. When I went through this, I recognized my need to trust in God. That is what really got me through a horrible time, and continues to be the driving force in my life, which has changed for the better in nearly every way. I’ll pray that you find the same love, and the same comfort. Blessings!

He has been cheating on you, that is not love. If he is willing to have sex with her, or kiss her while being with you. That isn't love. He is insecure. You left out a lot of details, so only a real consouler can help you. 3 months is a long time... He has to be willing to change for you. Not just say it. Actions speak louder than words... You should leave him and let him feel the pain he has caused you.

Thanks for all your encouraging words. Even though she's blocked him he keeps reaching out to her via Facebook, instagram & all the other social media outlets.
It's sooo hard for me to let him go. We were together for 5 years & lived together for the past 2 years. I've been crying every night. I feel like a bomb exploded in my chest. He's more concerned about apologizing to her than my feelings. I keep saying to myself if I can understand why maybe things will get better. Maybe I can get a full might of sleep & finally get my appetite back. I'm angry & I'm sad & I miss him & I hate him. I just want this feeling to go away.

Facing all your pain and hurt and working thru
Your grieving is healthy even though it hurts
Alot. Do try therapy if you can most everyone
Has insurance now. My own biggest fear when
I date again i will find the same type if i dont fix
And heal myself. That would not be good. HUGS

If he is cheating on you..he doesn't love you. I'm so sorry u are hurting because of his poor choices. (((Hugs)))

If he is a compulsive liar I am sure that he is a narcissist as well. The thing about people like this is that they know what to say to you to keep you with them. The crazy thing is that oftentimes we have voluntarily provided them the information during what seems to be harmless convo. Let me tell you that if he does not respect you (and its evident he doesn't) than you have to move on. You deserve to be cherished and respected. I have a friend who has gone back and fourth with a man who has slept with women without condoms, gotten a girl pregnant, lied to her, lied to her son, etc. This all started when she took him back after he cheated. In my mind he figured if she will accept this, she will accept anything. Don't let him do that to you.

Tonell18, forget about trying to understand, "why." You won't. He may have a reason, but it won't make sense to you. There's something wrong with him, it isn't something that you can change, and don't even think of changing yourself for him. His answer to "why" is no excuse for his behavior. He is the one that should be agonizing over the "why", but right now, it looks like he isn't trying to figure out why he cheated, he's still cheating - his mind is still focused on how he can resume a relationship with her, not you. You deserve better. Why do you deserve better? That's the "why" you need to focus on. Hang in there.

He says she was his 1st love & she broke his heart so he was getting revenge against her & he's sorry I got caught in the middle. I tied to make an appointment to see a therapist but the receptionist was asking all these questions over the phone about why I needed to see a therapist so I just hung up. I'm going to try another place today, I feel like I'm loosing my mind.
I tried talking to him last night & he was upset wanted to know why I keep talking about it & why I can't get over it. He wants me to tell him what to do to gain my trust back & when I did he wouldn't accept all my terms...I know I might sound foolish & I know the right thing to do is to let go of this relationship but I don't think I can. Funny thing is I've always been a string person & I was always the alpha in the relationship, I'm not sure if it's my ego or what but my emotions feel like it's on a constant spin cycle...just want to say thanks to everyone.

I hope you dont get hurt worse the next time, he has
No remorse or concern for you or your feelings And
emotions. Wow, admitting to playing her And you should
be cool with that. WTF.

I hope you can connect up with a good therapist Tell
them in regards to a breakup and you need Help with
getting out of a toxic relationship. HUGS

She was his first love, she broke his heart. So, he gets into a relationship with you for FIVE years, then gets the idea that he wants revenge on his first love by cheating on YOU? Wow...that makes no sense. "Sorry you got caught in the middle of my revenge plot, how can I make it up to you? Well, anything but this, that, and the other. How about you just get over it, it can't hurt that bad..." You don't want to leave the relationship because you've invested five years of your life into it. He doesn't want to leave it because right now, she's not committed to him. He's covering both bases. He thinks he still has a chance with her, but doesn't want to let you go because he's not sure. Don't be his sure thing.

Thanks for the tough love, I really need to hear it. I've seen so many older women in my life put up with cheating spouses & worked things out, I guess I hoped I could do the same. I have my 1st therapy session on Monday so I'm looking forward to that.

We only say it because many of us older ones have Lived
Thru it and it is not good. If they act like that before You marry
them then you are in for nothing but years of misery.

Respect equals love, without respect there is no love, if
they loved you they wouldn't cheat. Its really pretty simple.

I am ticlkled you have a therapy appointment setup, dig
Into you, stay away from new relationships until you are
Healed. HUGS

I agree with MirandaC to use this breakup, therapy and painful healing time as your lesson plan and to NOT get involved with another man for what may seem a long time (everyone is different - six months, a year, two years?). Definitely don't go back to him - it's the hardest thing. My 1-year X-Girlfriend (who I broke up with 3 months ago) proved to me in at least a dozen ways that she did not really love or respect me. I broke it off and yes, the daily pain, tears and doubts are JUST now bearable. Counseling, prayer and Bible reading have given me coping tools, strength and, most of all, training to avoid the SAME mistakes next time. Hope to you.
TheLightNight