[ WHAT IT REALLY MEANS ]

Interesting, you are experiencing the ' uncertainty of hypergamy' : is my husband the best value man my sexuality could/can attain? Can i do better than him ? Did I settle ?

The above rationalization is subconscious : whether u realise it or not, it was your behaviour towards your husband that changed, you were subconsciously testing your husband to verify his 'hypergamous suitability' for u : "are u still the high value, strong, alpha man I married years back."

This is commonly called shi't testing : u were literally testing his shi't. It's so subconscious and ingrafted in the female nature, the same way men noticing/ looking at a woman's breasts and as's is so ingrafted in the male nature : men have evolved to automatically assess a woman's sexual availability and fertility.

Subconsciously you were trying to verify your husband's masculine dominance / confidence, other sexual options (women don’t want a man to cheat, but they love a man who could cheat.) and his ability to provide long term security.

'Hypergamy demands a constant, subliminal reconfirmation of a man’s worthiness of a woman's commitment to him,'

Your husband failed all your shi't tests, and u lost attraction and respect for him e.g after yo bit'ching, a strong man would still want to fu'ck u later that night, even harder for 'misbehaving', but your husband couldn't take the stress,so he withdrew and demonstrated weakness. That's why many women say the best sex they had was after a heated argument.

". , one hour I was the best thing that happened to him the next hour the worst. " to a man who just doesn't 'get it', shi't tests are hard and stressful.

When u met and married he was probably very 'alpha' to u, u just couldn't wait. But now after some years together, he has become 'beta' and unattractive.

Now u r just doing what hypergamy demands of u : replacing him with a higher value man, a man more alpha than he is, while u r still relatively young and attractive enough to do so.

There is a risk though : the Sex Market Place, SMP has changed since the time you were last single (2007). The 'alpha' men older than u, are already taken. Those who aren't will opt to settle for younger women who don't have kids. Those who are already divorced ,might date u but are very unwilling to get married.

Men your age and older view women objectively, they no longer pedastalize women, they prioritize what they want from u than what u want from them.

There is a real risk that u won't get remarried, and if you do, it will be with a man lesser than your ex : you will even settle for less than what u have now. There r sm women still begging their ex husbands to take them back. You could end up being a married man's mistress, hoping for yrs that he leaves his wife 4 u,

"I am afraid of getting hurt again." I think u r the 1 hurting yo husband, he just doesn't know what to do, he is scared, but I am sure he doesn't want to lose his family - But it's to late for that, hypergamy doesn't think, it feels.

I'm afraid I have to agree.

Also: you can't tell a guy you're divorcing him, and then complain when he gets mood swings and says hurtful stuff. You haven't just said 'oh let's buy the green dinner service stead of the red one'. You've just ripped his life apart. He's allowed to react.

Do not seek support from another man while contemplating divorce. You are still married. Wait until you are divorced to date. Also, look up rebound relationships. You are in dangerous territory. It will not go well....you are only adding on more problems than you had in the first place.

I'm sorry to hear about a divorce. Here are a few things to remember, take it from someone who has been the one who asked for a divorce and someone who was being divorced. Firstly as someone else said, don't get advice or support from a man while you are going through a divorce they might see it as an opportunity and not really give you wise counsel, also don't try to make your husband feel something he can't, if you want a divorce and have told him, and he doesn't agree with it, expect him to feel different ranges of emotions it's his coping mechanism. Is there absolutely no way you two can work things out to stay married? Maybe counseling?

That HYPERGAMY is a load of crap. HYPERGAMY is a term used in social science for the act or practice of (women) marrying someone who is wealthier or of a higher caste or social status. No where does it say that a woman is looking for a better sexual mate. From what you wrote you’re not even getting sex from your husband. No wonder you want a divorce. If you wanted a roommate you wouldn’t have gotten married. He’s failing you and then gets pissy cause you want a more fulfilling marriage. If he wants this marriage to work I would suggest y’all see a marriage counselor. And leave that other guy alone that’s like falling out of the frying pan into the fire. Concentrate on your marriage. If he refuses to go see a counselor you go alone. It will help you sort out your feelings and what you want. I wish you the best.