Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I saw my stbx yesterday. I had to get some clothes from the house. I don't understand how he can tell me he still loves me and loves the time we shared and would like to go out after our divorce. He talks to me like we are still "together". Lots of everyday conversation. He says it is because the close relationship and friendship we shared is still there and he can't just turn it off. How can he divorce me if he still feels like that? He is interviewing to change jobs and move out of town, which is what we had talked aobut doing together. How did we ever get to this place? He tells me how beautiful I am. He is still being nice, when we aren't arguing. We talk more than we argue, but he refuses to give it another shot and go to counseling. WHY?! WHY?! WHY?! I am so confused!!! I just don't understand!! Seven years of my life was devoted to him and our family. I still find myself more concerned with what he is going thru than what I am going thru. I don't know what to do. Do I really want to try to convince him to give us another chance or do I really need to move on? Please dear Lord, give me guidance and strength. I know I will have good days and bad days, everyone does...this just
Like so many of the postings here,your story mirrors mine in many ways. One day he says he wants to reconcile, and the next he is worried about how he will finance his new life. Mine also refuses to go to counseling and I am struggling with the same question of whether to move on or not. I have asked him to come so often that I feel like a broken record. I can't ask anymore and I really don't know how long to keep hoping. He isn't even wearing his ring. Let me know if you find any answers! Good luck
But you need to set up some boundries for your new relationship with him! Make a list that should include him not saying I LOVE YOU! If he truly loved you like a spouse he would want to spend it together! Sorry so blunt!
Look out for yourself and family! Prepare a house (figure of speach) that is a healthy enviroment! And find away to love yourself! You gave he left-you've been there done that and it didn't work! Now try something different! Love him in your heart but care enough for yourself to prepare to live without him!
As far as doing something different, try this. You put your clothes on the same way everyday right? Now, try tying your shoes the opposite of the way way you have been your whole life for a week! If you tie your left one first then start with the right one. It is more difficult than it sounds but you will also smile when doing this!
If you do the shoe thing then start with your relationship with him. Like put a rule that you are not going to say I love you to him! Now you will slip so don't get down on yourself just start over. Remember each day is a new beginning!
Since he doesnt want to work it out, cut ties. Only talk to him concerning the divorce and related issues. Nothing else. Tell him he simply cannot talk affectionly, that its inappropriate for people who are divorcing. Let him know he cant do this to you! I know it will be hard on you too, but once you start "disconnecting" it does get a bit easier. It takes awhile.