So sorry you are going through that. I think as long as you continue to live with him you will remain unhappy and unable to heal. It sounds like when he's drunk he suddenly wants his cake and to eat it too. Good for you for stopping the sex last night. I know it's hard but you deserve better. Try evaluating any other possible living situations. Maybe if you get some distance you can eventually go back to being great friends once you're over him. I'm going through a break-up too and know all the pain and emotions you're feeling. You're not alone.

@light_my_way. Thanks so much for the reply. I know most people on here are dealing with 20 year relationships so I feel a little stupid by posting here. He does confuse me when he's drunk. He promises me that he needs to work on himself and he will never disrespect me by talking to other women right now....and I believe him. He's truly not a bad guy. The break up was over my lack of communication and not from either of us cheating or anything like that. He says that when he does meet someone, he will let me know. I guess I was just confused because when he's drunk....he holds me like he used to. We both agreed that we need to sleep in separate rooms. Last night he called me into the other room and said that separation is a process and that maybe we shouldn't go to separate rooms quite yet. He joked with me. Held me tight, and for the first time since before we broke up, he randomly grabbed my face and kissed me. Then we went to sleep. We woke up this morning and he was back to the "distant, we aren't getting back together" guy. I just didn't understand if it's him wanting his cake and eat it too, as you said....or if when he's drunk, his true feelings come out. I know his past and I know he knows how suppress emotions if he feels he needs to. I will definitely try to figure out a different living arrangement because this is too much. My heart gets broken every day.

That emotional roller coaster is the worst. I know how hurtful and hard to accept it is when the one you love has one foot in and one foot out. My bf was the same but it did not become obvious to me until he brok up with me. Then I reflected back and realized he was never truly committed to the relationship like I was. I am so heartbroken but we deserve better. So sorry you're going through this and best of luck finding a new place to live. Hugs

@light_my_way The emotional rollercoaster is the absolute worst and that's why I came to this forum. It's an outlet for me to get my feelings off of my chest and into words so that I can gain a little clarity. So, last night he came in from the bar drunk. I was laying in the spare bedroom. He asked me to lay with him for a second because he wanted to talk to me. He said that he had an epiphany at the bar. He said girls keep asking him if he's single and he always says no. He says he isn't interested in any other woman and that he's still in love with me. He said he was at the bar and it got so busy and fun but he was home after only an hour because all he could think about was me and how he just wanted to be home. He wants only me, but he needs me to stick to my goals. He is very driven and if he says he will do something, trust and believe he will do it. I slack on my exercise and diet goals and he translates that to me having excuses and being lazy but he also knows I work my butt off at my job and am motivated in that particular aspect. I just freaking like food! :-/ He just wants me to have that fire or we won't work. I always had that fire but my last relationship broke me and I'm trying to get my confidence back. He knows this and that's why he wants to work with me on it and supports me finally setting an appointment with a counselor to talk it out and get myself back in line. He asked if we could officially get back together last night and I agreed. Then this morning he woke up and said he meant everything that he said but that getting back into a relationship before we fix ourselves isn't fair to either one of us. So, basically he broke up with me twice. He looked soooo hurt this morning. I thought he was going to cry. I've never seen him like that. He just held his head in his hands and kept saying how confused he was and how in love he was with me, but my lack of motivation makes it difficult. He tries to push me toward the goals that I have set, but my sensitivity makes his suggestions and motivation feel like he's picking on me or fussing in a sense. So I get upset. He says he's caught between wanting me and only me, but feeling like my sensitive ways causes me to feel hurt by him and he doesn't wanna hurt me.
At the end of the day, he doesnt feel the relationship is best right now, but he can't stop loving me. I love him, but don't know what more that I can do other than 5am workouts and meal prepping to try and get my motivation and discipline back. It's all just hot mess right now. Plus, we kinda have 2 different futures in mind so I dont know what I wanna do right now. The only thing I know is that love sucks...no matter how old you get.

While, reading your post sounds a lot like what I've been dealing with for the last six years and at first it was so confusing, but now I know that all the "I don't wanna hurt you" and "I don't wanna lose my bestfriend" and "I gotta get my shit together" and "If it ain't about me and my kids, fuck it" talks were because he was out there doing whatever with whom ever. He kisses me the way he use to every time I try to walk away and cuddles with me on the couch and he hates cuddling, go out to dinner and a movie, or a walk by the water, and even on short trips. I'm just so stressed and tired and irritated and confused and sad and lost. Once I realized I was playing detective I knew it was time to go. He always said he didn't know what he wanted but he should've been saying he didn't know who he wanted.... I hope you guys figure out what will be best for you both so the friendship isn't ruined because I just lost my best friend/lover and I don't know what to do.

Relationships can be very challenging especially new relationships. I can sense the pain you are experiencing and I am sorry. It will be very difficult for you to move on as you continue to live together. Have you considered moving back to the area from which you moved or moving in with a family member? Alcohol changes your thinking and most of the time when people drink too much they don't remember what they say or do. You cannot be sure if feelings expressed when someone is drunk are real or true. Have you thought about recommending counseling for you him and yourself? Maybe think about couples counseling. Wishing you the best.

@foreverbeach11
I'm starting counseling next week to get through some of my own issues from the past. I never mentioned couples counseling to him but he brought it up this morning. He asked me to ask my counselor after my first appointment if he does couples counseling because he has some things to work out within himself and we have some things to work out together.

What goals are you not working up to your potential on, may I ask? It seems you only wrote about weight and nutrition. Why is this particular goal of yours so important to him? This reads to me that if you can't maintain a certain weight and fitness level, then he doesn't want you, Except when he's drunk and loses inhibitions. I hope I'm wrong. He seems to get drunk alot too. Is this not a problem for you? Disclaimer: I've seen what drinking does to people. I might be sensitive on this particular issue.