I truly believe that you will be happy again, it will just take time. And you are right, you deserve better. Yeah, a family, and a man to grow old with - such a simple request.

Thank you Jewel. I had a good cry and feel a little better. I can't wait until this emotional roller coaster is over.

I am of the opinion that we inadvertantly emulate with our partners what we experienced in childhood. I came from a pretty dysfunctional family of 9 children. Dad was a functioning alcoholic and mom was his super enabler. They were both pretty emotionally distant, from each other and from the kids. I was the quiet one who took care of herself, and never caused much problem. My physical needs were met as a child, but not my emotional needs. I was just another kid, and never recieved much attention because my parents were always putting out fires created by my siblings (literally and figuratively).

I was very shy, very introverted and introspective. Didn't date till college, then not much before I met stbx. I pretty much moved out at 18, paid 3.5 years of my way through college, and only came home from college if I absolutely had to. I took care of myself financially, educationally, but when it came to dating, I didn't know how to analyze guys. I had no real understanding of the dynamics that existed between couples. So, without understanding it, I married a guy who allowed me to continue my pattern of taking care of myself, someone who was emotionally distant. I took care of him, he never did the same for me.

This is my response as to why I married the guy I did. I think if you look into your past, you might find clues as to why you ended up with the guy you did. My plan is to take this knowledge and be aware, if there is a next time.

I also did not date much and sad to say my husband is the first person I had sex with. I cannot even imagine being with another guy because I haven't.

But unlike you my parents were always there for me. Though my dad was probably alcoholic as well and overworked, he provided structure in my life. He used to plan everything - our outings, vacations etc. I always planned everything for my husband and the kids and I always wished someone would take care of me like my father did...... And honestly the last couple years having to carry all the financial burden and disciplining the kids on my own was making me very unhappy. I need an equal partner in life not another dependent.

Yeah, I get that, wanting an equal partner. My friends never realized the extent of what I did for the family till recently. I think they thought I was exaggerating. My boys are more responsible than their father. Luckily, stbx has kept a steady job, although he hasn't had a raise in like 10 years and has had the same job for 30. He's not motivated to do much other than watch tv.

That's all I ever wanted too. I didn't think it was much to ask for, but I guess it was too much to ask for from the man I chose to marry. I don't think there is anyone in the world my stbx considers his equal.

I remember once in one of my therapy sessions when my therapist said something like, "You have every right to be angry because of how cruel he's been to you. After all, you gave him the best years of your life." When she said that, it was like something snapped inside me and I thought, "I'll be damned if those were the 'best' years of my life! I will make absolutely sure that the best is yet to be!" Your future is what you make of it. Don't let it be dependent on someone else. Do you want to be happy? You can be! Look at this time as a period of reflection and growth. Get into therapy, take a class, volunteer somewhere, develop a passion or hobby.