Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
We've been physically separated for about 5 days. My wife wanted this separation and since she brought it up months ago I've been doing my best to balance showing her that I am willing and excited to change and to give her the space she needs.
The past couple nights have been mine with our young daughters. I love them beyond words, and it pains me to see them have to go through this. The 2 year old is a smart sensitive girl and I know she had a sense of what's happening, thankfully the 7 month old just wants food and attention.
I now feel like I'm the only one that has nobody looking out for them. I'm alone with my pain and I miss my wife and being a family. I wasn't perfect in our relationship and we did need work. I have put the work in on my own. She's been unwilling to consider anything other than separation. She's told me she doesn't see us getting back together because she resents me too much "right now". She also said she sees and appreciates my changes and the way I react in a different way. She's also said that if we were to try again we'd have to start completely over. I get that idea, but i feel like I'm holding on to that sliver of hope more than I should.
I feel like my efforts to improve myself and our relationship are in some ways making her resent me more. It feels like she wants me to yell or be upset with her rather than make good on my desire to address the issues as best as I can by myself. Im committed to being the best me there is, but I'd be lying if I said the best me didn't include my wife.
To any woman who have separated, did your husband respond and make changes and not make any excuses? Did you eventually see and trust those changes? Did you ever find that the space allowed you to open up to repairing the emotions and reconciling? Do you have any advice for a sincere man who just wants a second chance as a family?
Clearly I'm looking for words of hope for my marriage. I can't ask my wife these things as it makes her uncomfortable and she's really convinced that I'm the root of all her problems. I hope time apart shows her that there's way more to this story. I will continue to focus on myself and being a great dad, but I also don't think I can ever really give up on my wife. Am I being a romantic fool? Do people ever really reconcile?
The bright side, which I doubt you feel right now, is that you are working on yourself to be a better person. You are taking care of yourself and your kids. That gives you to opportunity to heal and potentially move onto another relationship with someone new in the future. As the old adage says, you need to love yourself before you can love others.
Since you truly want your wife back just keep working on yourself. Do it for you. If she notices, great. If she wants back, great. If not, you have done what is best for you.
I have been there and it sucks. You so desperately want to save this relationship and can't imagine being with anyone else. Time does heal. At this point, my ex did me a favor by not staying around. I did work on myself and healed myself.
I wish you the best
Honestly, will holding onto hopes of reconciliation hold me back? It'd be easier to move on im sure, but if neither of us tries to fix things I know for sure that we've got no chance. I hope some time alone brings me clarity. Maybe she's making the best choice for me as well and I just don't see it yet.
Thanks for sharing your experience.
Be strong. I know your feelings. Really tough, especially with small ones. Be true to yourself and your daughters. Chasing won’t help (in my opinion and that of others). Be your best self and set a good example. I think you will grow from this however it turns out. The decision to return is hers, so let her be free and keep the door open for her if she wants to return.
Best of luck and keep your chin up. There are always people out here to speak to if you need someone.
I can easily tell you know this.........It’s those kids you need and they need their strong Dad to pull thru for them. Your their everything and you need to be there everything.
Just try not depleting yourself and try replenishing yourself. You will be much farther to happiness then she will be.
She needs to figure herself out (right or wrong) and letting her totally go mentally is the best thing for you to aim for a healthy life. (Learn to say “Fuck it”)
Right now you deserve better as a person married or not. Stop beating yourself cause It’s going to do nothing for you.
Take it from me. I never wanted my marriage to end but my investigations proved she was and is in a secret affair. Ya the grass is greener...ha! Ya don’t think so and I know she will regret it. I have not confronted her but I had a meeting today with the other victim party involved so she can deal with her life with direction now. We are not going to tell anyone until it’s the right time.
So I ended up filing for Divorce Yesterday instead of waiting for the papers to come to me. Right now I deserve better so I’m moving on and not letting her control my total destiny. I’m taking over the situation instead of being directed like a dog. She wanted it over ??? Well here they are ....so the divorce papers came from my direction instead of hers.
A wise man I know has said to me “Do the unexpected”. If it has to be...I feel better serving them....then receiving them. At that point I’m sure it will be a reality hit to her and not just me. My kids are older than yours and they know I deserve better and she deserves to figure her stuff out on her own to realize what she lost. She can do that now but with me not on a back burner ....she can’t just have me now. At this point of the game paperwork is paperwork and Love is Love. One won’t hold the other one together anyway. Do the unexpected.
It’s best to heal yourself with the blessings created out of this. (The kids). Take the kids to play parks etc and meet new people and socialize with your kids. Make a world outside of your home with your kids where people are around. Give it time. Whenever I see a single mom out there with her children doing stuff I can only look up to her and not down. Guys can get out there too and do the same thing. Johnny29.
I believe Homer coined the word crisitunity and that's just what this is. A crisis and an opportunity to grow and become so much more than I otherwise would have.
I met my sister-in-law and her husband out last night and they assured me that I'm always going to be family. Can't tell you how much that helps. My family is all a decent drive away, while my wife's family is all right here. I'm glad to know that Im cared about by her family because I love them all and miss them like mad already. My sis-in-law asked me why I would wait around for someone I could never trust not to leave when things get difficult. Sadness kind of thing my family and friends have asked but coming from her and about her sister it really hit home.
I'll take it one day at a time. Hopefully there are some good friendships in my future. I feel a bit alone a lot of the time, but I would rather fill that void with people who want to be around me than with hopes that my wife will reconsider.
Johnny, I'm glad to hear you've made such great strides over the past few months. I think the real growth for me starts the moment I say enough is enough and move on.