Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Haven't posted in quite a while but...
My ex broke up with me over Skype around Thanksgiving after two years while I've been living in another country for the year. I was blindsided and thought I'd never recover, but I have. I haven't had contact with him at all since Xmas day, I've made the best of a difficult living situation in Germany, gone back into therapy to manage my depression/anxiety symptoms, had some great experiences this year with great people, travelled a lot, and even gone on a number of dates. I've really reassembled my life for me and in a way that I want and I'm proud of myself because it seemed insurmountable in the winter.
But now that I'm approaching the six-month point since we split, I find myself relapsing into some of those destructive thinking patterns that I worked so hard to move past, both consciously and subconsciously. He's appearing in dreams, I find myself thinking about him and wondering what he's doing like I used to all the time after the breakup, and I'm just generally missing the companionship a lot. It makes me kind of sad since I feel like I have come so far and now this over the past few weeks feels like regressing.
Has anyone else experienced similar "relapses" into old behavior and thinking a number of months after a traumatic breakup? And if so, and advice for continuing to move forward and heal even through them?
My ex broke up with me over Skype around Thanksgiving after two years while I've been living in another country for the year. I was blindsided and thought I'd never recover, but I have. I haven't had contact with him at all since Xmas day, I've made the best of a difficult living situation in Germany, gone back into therapy to manage my depression/anxiety symptoms, had some great experiences this year with great people, travelled a lot, and even gone on a number of dates. I've really reassembled my life for me and in a way that I want and I'm proud of myself because it seemed insurmountable in the winter.
But now that I'm approaching the six-month point since we split, I find myself relapsing into some of those destructive thinking patterns that I worked so hard to move past, both consciously and subconsciously. He's appearing in dreams, I find myself thinking about him and wondering what he's doing like I used to all the time after the breakup, and I'm just generally missing the companionship a lot. It makes me kind of sad since I feel like I have come so far and now this over the past few weeks feels like regressing.
Has anyone else experienced similar "relapses" into old behavior and thinking a number of months after a traumatic breakup? And if so, and advice for continuing to move forward and heal even through them?
Allow yourself to feel your feelings w/no judgment. They are normal and if you try to stuff them, they will bury themselves only to pop up at some other time. It's really best to honor and validate them at the time they appear. They are your feelings and feelings are neither right nor wrong. They just are.
Most experts say it takes 1-2 years for every 5-7 years you were together to heal. And that's only if you're doing the healing work necessary and that includes allowing yourself to go thru the grieving process.
It's only been 6 months. That's usually not enough time. If you haven't already, you might consider writing a 'good bye' letter. In this letter you will want to tell your ex what you will and won't miss about them.
Do NOT send them the letter. Instead, rip it to shreds and burn it or bury it. Create a ceremony around it as you burn/bury it, like a funeral. Do this as many times as you need to.
~healing hugs~
I would also agree to feel what you are feeling and deal with those feelings but do so while remembering you are only dealing with some remnants of only a part of your life that is part of your past. Not your "now". Remember that you have started to create a solid base to stand on for yourself and are already on the path going forward and enjoying it. There is no need to look back because as you have seen all the good stuff you have done, been a part of and can still look forward to experiencing.
My guess is, once you get past some of these "firsts" after the breakup, the next time they come along, you probably wont even remember as the date approaches, comes and goes. Believe you me.
I have relapses at certain times....and very bad a t times...christmas...moving...thanksgiving....surgeries
22 months since separation after 20 years together
it does get better though