I understand how you feel. I too had a huge home that we built together as our dream home but I didn't want it. Too many memories and I didn't need a house that big for me. I wanted a fresh start...a new beginning. I let him keep the house (we had it appraised and he had to pay me in cash the equity). He moved his mistress and her children in three days after I moved out. At first it stung a little but now I really don't care. I actually think it is funny that she has to live in a house that I designed and decorated.

I had an awesome lawyer and would like to share with you some of the things my lawyer had placed in the divorce decree to protect me. First the house was in both of our names. My ex only had 6 months to refinance the house. If he did not refinance it in 6 months then it had to be placed on the market. My ex had to pay all expenses related to the sale. If the house didn't sell for more than we owed he had to pay 100% of the difference and I still got to keep 100% of the equity that he had already paid me in cash). Also to insure that he was not late on payments he had until 11:59 pm on the 10th of each month to make a payment. If not then I could make the payment on the 11th and the house defaulted back to me, it would go up for sale and he had until the last day of that month to vacate. Fortunately he was never late on a payment and refinanced it within the 6 months. My lawyer also noted that I was able to claim all interest and property tax for that year on my taxes... He could not. Just something to think about.

I used my divorce settlement to build my dream house (or the cougar den as I later named it...lol). I spent almost a year building it from the ground up. I think the whole building process was very therapeutic for me as it took my mind of the divorce/past and i had something to look forward to in the future.

Finally, you have to see you STBX? I never saw mine during the divorce process...everything was handled through the lawyers and my lawyer went to the final divorce hearing on behalf. My lawyer said there was no reason for me to be here because we had decided on everything and the judge was just going to sign off...no questions asked. I live in Texas so things might be different where you live.

Sending you strength....

Very good advice from ALDI. I wish the best for you and hope you find some sort of peace of mind soon. Hugs

Thanks for the advice ALD. I talked to my lawyer about court this coming Tuesday. We probably won't see each other. I am relieved but sad. I guess I feel like I need to say goodbye to a friend but I guess he isn't my friend any more. It is really hurts. I guess you can't have both not see him because you don't want to fall a part and see him to have some kind of goodbye, closure. Not sure how the house will go because I don't know if he is keeping it.

Thanks Helerown

wow! taht is tough one

i agreed to let my ex buy me out

I moved out ...she moved back in and same month...there is Boyfriend in my house renovating it and cooking in my kitchen
Comes over shakes my hand...and I'm like...who the f... are you?
WTF!!

Still not all paid out

anyway...I think moving out will be good for me in the long run....but I do resent her carrying on her new life with boyfriend

Our dream house...our history.....all the renos

But I will move on

eventually

Sorry Murphy!
That is what I see happening to me and I just feel sick inside. I want to blow up the house. I have already loss who I thought would be with me until I died. Now I will be leaving my zone and it really is going to suck and if he keeps the house I get to think about him and his new making their lives here....OMG!!!! I think I should be able to force him to sell it.

Is the house in both of your names?? If so I think you can force him to sell it...but check with your lawyer for sure.

But with that said...I am telling you that if he does keep the house...one day it won't matter to you anymore :). You will move forward and start a new chapter in your life with new memories. I can tell from your posts you are a smart and strong woman...I truly believe you can be happy again.

Have you looked into DivorceCare? I found it very helpful during my divorce. My leader once said to me "do you want your divorce to define your entire life". It was an eye opening statement for me and one of the m&m's that changed my life!!

Check out DivorceCare.org to see if they have sessions on your area. Even if they are a few weeks into a session you can still attend.

Ha!! Moments not m&ms!!!
Great...now I am craving m&ms!!

Thanks ALD. Yes both of us should be on the house unless he changed it some how without me being involved.

I know but I wish 'one day' was already here!

I will check into the DivorceCare. Thanks for the kind words but smart and strong doesn't seem to be viewing myself.....

I understand this statement - "do you want your divorce to define your entire life". I just wished my head, emotions and heart could get on board with it.

I hope you get some m&ms's....Take care

It is early days for you still

I could force my stbx and sell the house

but this way saves lawyer costs and seemed the easiest way out for me

1 year and 8 months since separation

Murph nothing personal :) but just have throw my two cents in regarding lawyer costs. My entire divorce cost me $600. Best money I ever spent. We didn't have children but had tons of assets! I have seen it too many times where people are afraid to spend a few hundred dollars to get thousands in return!

Sometimes I wonder if people hang on to things as a way to stay connected to their ex???

Ald you are probably right....part of my decision was trying to be kind and generous to her still....because a part of me still cares

Being nice and friendly
It is hard to maintain...when I am suffering from PTSD from all her abuse

but I am not a hard person......but loving and caring and nurturing

It is so difficult to be otherwise....despite all my anger and pain